new pic of me

this is me. i'm sitting on my tub with the camera proped up on the bathroom counter and i figured out how to set the timer. The pics where i'm holding the camera look off, so this is the best way i could figure to take my own picture.

like the tacky fish themed shower curtain? MissM went though a huge fish stage and wanted everything fish so my m-i-l bought the kid a fish shower curtain, hooks, bath rugs, towels, toothbrush mug etc. Because that's what a 2 year old needs, don't you know?

i just don't care anymore

so today i spent 2 hours on the phone being interviewed for a book about people who have lost weight. They're interveiweing people who are at the start, middle, near the end, and have kept it off. I'm near the end, and will admit, i've lost a few toddlers or 2/3 a supermodel (70lbs) so far.

While we were talking, I talked about the behavior modification i've engaged in. It isn't just about "don't eat more than you work off." I truly believe that if you're significantly overweight, there's a reason, usually emotional eating, and it MUST be dealt with, or you should just go buy some really fat pants and move in.

the person interviewing me asked me a few questions about that and so i referred back to this past weekend. I went to a toddler birthday party for one of my crack whore cousin's kids (the one she gave up, but still gets welfare for and is about to get into trouble for welfare fraud b/c CPS took the other kid and can't find this one). anyway, i like the kid and my relative who is raising this kid, but i don't like CW, so i went, but didn't expect much.

Many of my relations haven't seen me in 6-12 months, so they got a small shock. i knew my mom was going to be there, and we haven't really talked beyond "i'm fine, i hope you are" and then walk away fast in 16 months. I thought i'd give her a small chance, just see if there's any reason for me to allow a relationship. All the women folk sat and chatted while the men folk grilled and the kids played at the playground within sight of the pavillion the party was at. about half-through the party my mother looked at me and said "you look good, but your hands are so sloppy. I don't know how your husband can stand it. now that you're attractive, you need to do something about your nails. you need to let them grow out and buff and paint them to show off all that jewelry he's bought you." REALLY?!?! it's been 16 months and that's ALL you have to say to me?

I was so upset. then it hit me. she had nothing else to say. It would kill her to say "you look good" or "i'm proud of you" without the backhanded comment attached to it. She just can't do it. I will never be good enough for her. and I just don't care anymore. I looked good, mandolin didn't stain my shirt for once, so she couldn't crab at that. I ate appropriate food and made sure to keep all topics i engaged in away from religion, politics, weight loss or anything else really beyond "i'm fine, i hope you're okay" with everyone, so my mother couldn't pick at that. it must have killed her for 2 hours sitting there in misery wanting to have a go at me and having nothing to say until she hit on the ONE THING that she found lacking, my short nails. how does someone live while that miserable? because let's face it, her behavior is that of someone who completely hates themselves and everyone else.

i took a deep breath and then explained how that long nails don't fit in with being a stay-at-home mom to a young child, and that i don't have a maid, how much weekly manicures would cost and how else i'd rather spend that money. I then explained how disgusting i find long nails on most people. I see people wih very long nails work with food and i cringe knowing that they don't spend the 4 minutes with the hard bristly brush scrubbing under and around the nails and all over their hands like they should SEVERAL times a day, especially after going to the bathroom. I don't want to know what funky nasty stuff is lurking under those talons, and i don't want it in my food. Sure, a lot of that is in my head, but a lot of that is realistic. There's a reason food service workers aren't supposed to have the long trashy nails and it isn't just because one could fall off, it's the hand washing.

After a 2 min mini rant on how disgusting i find long nails (Even though my white trash family consist of many fake-long-nailed women) my mother had to let it go.

Even though I was upset, i didn't eat food, I didn't even feel the urge, i just got up and walked away. Even sitting here, i'm annoyed with the whole siutation, and i'm not eating anything. i'm rolling my eyes and planning on going on a walk before the sun sets.

that's behavior modification and without it, i'd be fatter than fat.

it's about time!

http://shopping.aol.com/articles/2010/04/30/pick-your-perfect-pair/

this is so me. i've lost 70lbs so far, and let me tell you, i didn't lost it evenly all over. i look good, but my boobs didn't shrink evenly. There's a whole cup size difference between them. I can buy a bear that fits on but is too small for the other, or fits the other side but is waaay to big for the other. I asked the bitches at victoria secrets and their solution was to buy tissues. yep TISSUES. so this concept right here has been long over-due in my life. i have no idea what i'm going to end up size wise in anyway. the guys could end up the same size, or just stya different, but i do know this, those skinny mini bitches at vicky's can take a box of tissues and shove it.

burns hurt

last night i unknowingly picked up a hot pan and burnt my hand badly. for awhile there it looked as if a layer of skin was going to fall off, but then it blistereed instead. i have a blister on my left index finger all the way down, across the webbing between the finger and thumb and up the side of my thumb. it hurts worse than my ruptured gallbladder did and i'm taking it easy trying to do everything right handed or not at all. i've promised not to drive and to watch the blister like a hawk so that if it starts to become sour, i can get treatment. because of this, my typing has worsened (hard to do it with one hand) and the only thing i'm really good for is reading and sitting on the couch. in lieu of running (i can't hold onto the elliptical) i took mandolin on an hour long walk in the cemeteries. we had good fun looking at names and dates and i had to explain to her that we shouldn't jump on stones and we need to leave the rocks on the jewish graves alone. i told her to say "amen" and put the rock back when she took one. when we walked through the greek orthodox cemetery, she picked rocks and pinecones off the train and decorated various graves with hearty "OH MAN'S!" (that's how she says amen).

feeling bad for the man

I am about 22lbs from my tentative goal weight. I think I can do it in 3-4 months or faster. I am a c25k graduate and I will be running a 5k (3.1 miles) for charity with friend on 6/12/10 at an overnight charity event near my home with real-life and online weight loss friends. I have 2 online weight loss pals who i've done real life stuff with. Life's pretty good right now.


But nothing's perfect. I'm fine but my guy isn't.

At prom we were in the picture line and having a nice chat with the picture lady (i'm a talker, i can't help it. well okay, my guy likes to talk to and so we did. a lot. but the picture lady liked it, so it was cool). Anyway, after about 15 mins of conversation, the picture lady spied his left hand and his ring, looks at me, looks at him and said "wait, you're faculty?" And he says "yep" she refunded our pic money explaining that staff pics were free, and then took a deep breath, looked from me to him and then made a comment about students going with staff. She looked ready to call 911 and CNN. My guy was upset, i kinda lughed it off, she apologized after we explained that i'm an old married lady and in no way a student.

Okay sure, from a stranger.

FF to this past week. Once a week we have family lunch with my guy either at his school or nearby during the day (he's got plan period during lunch, so 90mins during the day to spend with us). I took lunch to his school and the kiddo was trailing behind. Mandolin really looks like me now that i'm 69lbs down. People were talking to me etc. and all was well. I've known most of these people for 7+ almost 8 years. Later that night my guy calls me and said that one of the women who i'm chummy with didn't recognize me and accused him of cheating on me with another woman (who happened to be me) and having the great balls of stone to bring it to work. Now, I go to his school about once a week or so, and I don't see everyone, but really? It's flattering that I look THAT different that someone i've known for almost a decade didn't recognize me, but I felt bad for my guy because here's a friend accusing him of openly cheating on his spouse while at his job when he's doing no such thing.

I laugh a lot of this off, but something like this happens about once a week or so and I haven't noticed the effect on my guy until recently. I wish I could make it better for him. I know he laughes it off, he's a funny dude, but part of him still hates being accused of being a pervert or a cheater.

I have allowed him to post my current pics on his facebook page, hoping that will get some people up-to-date and off his back (all his students, friends, and many co-workers are into the facebook thing. I'm not on facebook, sorry y'all, but if you want to be my guy's friend, let me know, i can hook it up for you).

An Announcement

today, at old navy, I fit perfectly into a size 8 short jeanskirt mean for someone with a age a lot less than 28, but i looked good!

that's all

nuggets

i have little to share, so i'll bore you with more stories about the kiddo.

we were reading a farm book the other day and she poinred at the chicken and said "chitin bababa" then pointed at the rooster and said "wooser cacdodoo" and then i pointed at the baby chickens and asked her what they were. she looked right at me and said "that's chitin nugges" i laughed so hard.

that's about it for me. she's constantly doing or saying something like that to set me off.

i'm pleased that we're boring.

toy hippo

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i made this hippo toy for my sister for her 30th birthday. she loves the hippo from the madagascar movie. it took me about 6 hours over 3 days. it's a lot bigger than i expected. the problem with making toys is the details. they give wonderful instractions about HOW to make the parts but then for the assembly, there is usually one line that reads "stuff pieces and set them together so it looks like the pitcure" easier said than done. my pieces never really look like the ones in the pattern ads, but i'm usually happy with them anyway.

mandolin's holding the hippo to show you the size, the hippo alone and there is a pic of "their" hippo. I had to get very creative with the clothing because their directions were incorrectly sized and they left out a crutial step in the skirt. Oh, and i put a bow and shoes on mine because i felt like it.