speaking of spanking

Mandolin was caught shoplifting today. I was so embarrassed. I figured out that she was putting items inside the stroller before we left the store, so I didn't have to go back and pay for it, but she did sit one hellova consequence for it. I was sorely tempted to as my mom would say) "tear that ass up," but I refrained. I have no idea if my "we don't steal" talk worked, but I'm hoping it did.

I really understand why people spank

I myself have felt the urge to spank. It's not that I'm against spanking or look down on it, but to me, it makes sense to explain why mandolin needs to follow rules and not just telling her to follow rules. Like most parents, my mom and dad had rules, and if we didn't listen, there was a consequence. More often than not, my mom and dad were spankers, and not just regular spankers but what i like to think of as "impulse beaters." Instead of cooling off and thinking before spanking, my mom would grab something and

beat until she was done beating. She never really left brusies and it didn't happen often, but i think each of us kids has a story of her breaking something while using it to beat us. Many of the rules my parents had were good rules to have, like going to bed early etc. What was really lacking in the punishment system at our house was any sort of cause and effect chit-chat, post beating follow up, or logical processing. Would it have been so hard to say "I love you, even if you did something wrong. You are not a bad person" after tearing our butts up?

My parents both worked a lot and often worked 15 or more hours a day sometimes 7 days a week. I don't blame them for not taking the time to say "if you do x, then y will happen because YOU did x. If you don't like y, then don't do x." I noticed that the main difference between kids in the AP and GT classes in high school and kids in the below level classes (at the two schools i have staff experience at) was a lifetime of "if you do x, then y happens" or "blank is the rule. blank is the rule because of blank. if you break blank, then blank consequence will happen." (Also, most kids are not taught to just take the consequence they earned and stfu.) Most of the kids i worked with were below grade level and while many had good parents, almost none of the parents took time to explain logic over and over especially when applied to rules and behavior expectations. I'm not sure if it was because no one ever explained it to the parents, or if it never occured to the parents that they actually need to talk to their kids and not just yell or talk at and then they have to keep syaing it over and over a million more times. I don't really blame the parents for the lack of knowledge because we're not taught to listen to others, process and then discuss. We're really just taught to hear and respond without much quality communication going on. Hot Tip: Just because your kid is in high school doesn't mean you're done. They make think they're adults, dress like adults, sort of look like adults and want to be adults, but they're not adults: you are.

Another Issue:

Many people operate under the misconception that saying something like "do it again and see what happens" means "don't do that." Some people do realize that the implied meaning is "don't do that." Some people are very literal and really think you're telling them to do it again and then get pissed when punished for doing it again. I had to take some crisis intervention training and one year someone who worked in hostage negotiation led the workshop (that's what we need at school!) and apparently the worst thing someone can say when held at gunpoint is "give me the gun" to someone in crisis, this means "hey, just shoot me." The correct thing to say is "put the gun down and kick it away from you." Sarcasm is a hard habit to break and i'm glad i only had a few tough spots with it.

When mandolin does something wrong i tell her it's wrong, i try to tell her why and then she gets a consequence (punishment). I mainly call it a "consequence" because i want to keep up with the cause and efect theme. For example, today a minor issue was over a mess

Me: "Mandolin, if oyu do not put that toy back, you're getting a consequence. you know big toys stay in your room."

Her: "No"

Me: "I am going to count to three and you need to put it back or you're going to sit in the chair"

Her: "I said no!"

Me: "Let's go to the chair. You have to sit there for two minutes without making a noise"

She started to fuss, but "the look" cut that out quick and she sat her two minutes with grace and put the toy back. usually saying "consequence" will make her get in line, even in public. I have no idea if this method will work for her long term though. so much of parenting is trying new things and praying. However, I like the fact that she hates sitting in her chair and will listen to me so she doesn't have to sit there.

Recently, I had a little meeting with all the people who watch her and explained the system to them. She's smart enough to realize that if she's not with me and she's bad, other people might not know the system. It was a big shock for her tonight when my best friend, her aunt V, made her sit in her chair. I had to have the meeting because the other day, when she was being punished, Mandolin said "I want daddy" and gave me this look that said "you're in trouble when he gets home." Poor thing doesn't realize that I make all the rules and daddy isn't going to save her.

Have you ever

wanted to crawl throuh the phone and beat someone with your shoe because they piss you off while talking to them? Bert probably hasn't because he's too laid back for such emotions, but I know I'm not the only one around here who gets mad like that.

I haven't talked to my mom since last Feb/early March. We had a falling out about my daughter's disability and my insistance to get her treatment. Apparently getting my daughter treatment is a waste of resources and my mom resents it. I don't think I'll ever forgive her or trust her again after that fight. Anyway, even though I don't talk to her, she's still my mother and I care for her. Tonight I talked to one of my sisters and found out that my mother has been very ill and apparently they all thought I wouldn't care so no one called to tell me. The doctor told my mother that she'll probably die from the pneumonia and bronchittis she's had for over a month now if she doesn't a) quit her chain smoking and b) lose weight.

I dislike my mom's smoking, but i see it as not my business so i don't say anything. My sisters and dad have been ganging up on my mom to quit smoking because she's recently started to cough up bloody mucus. I asked about the weight loss suggestion and my older sister then lectured me about how being beyond morbidly obese has nothing to do with health. I pointed out that there are some pretty strong correlations with morbid obesity and poor health. My older sister then told me that my daughter would grow up to hate herself and hate me because i've taken steps to change my life and be a weight in the normal BMI range. I didn't see how in her mind these things correlate.

I lost it and started yelling at her. Being overweight or obese increses the risk of dying from asthma significantly. When I can't breathe, it's the worst feeling: everything hurts, the world stops and it's miserable and terrifying. The last time I had a bad attack, I watched my guy panic and my daughter cry because she was scared. If taking care of myself could prevent my daughter watching me die from asthma, then it's worth it. Moreover, losing weight and becoming stronger is preventing me from having an operation on my spine. The operation has several risks and might not even work. so again, if taking care of myself could prevent things from being worse, then it's worth it to me. My sister is way past morbidly obese and has always been very large, even when we were kids. genetics has a role to play, but so does lifestyle. I don't hold it against her that she's morbidly obese, that's her choice at this point in time. What I am angry about is her finding reasons to hate people who don't want to be morbidly obese and getting mad when people insist that there's such thing as a healthy weight. I will say what is a healthy weight for one person might not be healthy for someone else, that's why they give a range of numbers. My sister has problems walking up a flight of stairs. I asked her if she thought it was healthy to be unable to walk up stairs and she became very angry. At this point in time, I wanted to crawl through the phone and beat her with my shoe.

Bottom line is that some people are under weight, some people are in the range and other people are over the range. If people want to be in the normal range, they have to activly want to be in that range and work for it. having a weight that's considered "normal" might not prevent my death from asthma or keep my right arm from being paralyzed in the long run. But guess what? so far it's done a damn good job of helping me manage my asthma and for the first time in a long time, I was able to carry my daughter. I was devastated when I was unable to carry my daughter and just holding her caused me massive pain. Right now I can pick her up without my arm going numb and there's no threat of dropping her. For me, that's worth skipping out on things like pizza. When she implied that being healthy would cause hate between my daughter and i, i wanted to laugh. my mom didn't teach us to be healthy and she herself isn't healthy and look at our relationship. no one can predict the relationship i'll have with my daughter in 15 years. however, i think taking the time to teach her to be healthy and trying to keep myself healthy can only be good for our relationship in the future.

Big versus Small Packges

So, today I got home from the store and set Mandolin up with some dinner and TV watching while I went out to get the groceries from the car. I have to take several small loads because i'm not even supposed to be lifting groceries anyway, but when you're the only one home, you gotta do it. I was on my way into the house with load #2 when I heard voices in the cemetery next to/behind my house. It was about 6ish so it was a little late for visiting. I looked up and this man had pulled over in the middle of the cemetery section next to my home, got out of his van and was peeing. What shocked me is that one hand was holding a cell phone and the other was scratching his head and he was wildly peeing all over the place. He had no control of the situation.

I paused and took a good look, because this asshole was practically in my yard letting it ALL hang out, so why not? His fly was only down about a inch and the poor man wasn't blessed in the penis size. I was so glad that I got Mandolin in the house before his jerk pulled up. I supressed the urge to call out a catcall as I went back for loads #3 and #4. It was hard to keep a straight face and I kept thinking of the picture of "clay" that went around the shelf several years back. You know, nothing says "I really miss grandpa" like pissing in the cemetery....

I also really felt bad for the person on the other end of the phone. another one of my biggest pet peeves are people who talk on the phone while going to the bathroom in a public place. I don't understand people who feel the need to not only talk about stuff while they're taking care of business, but while strangers are also taking care of business. it's just weird and gross.

While talking to a friend about this incident later, I remembered being flashed while in college. a guy came up to me and said "wanna see something?" I stupidly said "sure" and next thing I know this huge elephant sized penis was being waved in front of me. this guy's cock was so big he could have been in porn, and not the free stuff, the stuff people pay $20 for. His penis was so big i was afraid of walking funny later just being near it. He ofered me to touch it, but i declined in fear of VD. A few days later found out that this dude was rushing and his task was flash girls before he could earn his nickname of "big red." I think they should have called him "ouch."

Confession

I often buy kids shoes for myself because they're cheaper than adult shoes and the fit is the same. These are the shoes I bought to wear in the pool at my water aerobics class. running in the pool was causing me to get blistered feet and I noticed that several of the other women just wore cheap canvass shoes instead of buying water shoes. I went to Target and got these for $8 in the girl's section and they work like a charm. I really like that there's nothing to tie because laces are a pain when wet.

this made me laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l38blGqVeHc

Lotsa Booty

I got up early saturday morning to participate in the Autisim Speaks walk nearest me. Just because I took the eyar off from working with special ed kids doesn't mean I've forgotten them. We walked about three miles and then tossed Mandolin in a bouncy jump for a few minutes to reward her good behavior for the duration of the walk. Our only tough spot was when the Chick fil-a cow gave her a stuffed cow and wouldn't give her the football toy (apparently only boys can have footballs).

It rained on and off the whole time we were there. Anyway, being a people watcher in a large crowd, I was VERY entertained. I did the walk with a large team of people but I only knew one other person on our party. I don't like meeting new people and so I didn't put forth a large effort to make new friends. Anyway, when I went to register for the walk, the girl who assisted me was literally wearing short the size of panties and when she bent over, EVERYTHING hung out, camel toe is in this season, just so you know. It really wasn't booty short weather, 60 and raining, muchless a booty short occassion.

I often ponder why people allow other people, whom they supposedly love, to go out in public dressed as they do. If we were all a bit more proactive at this, just think about what other people wouldn't be forced to see! It'd be the end of plumber butt.

Elliptical Pt 2

So I love my brand new elliptical to repace the old new one that got broken after a week of ownership (don't let people borrow your stuff!) There's one small problem with the new machine: they never charged me for it. When I called the store about the machine being broken they accredited my account (I didn't know this) right before they arranged pick up of the broken machine and delivery of a new one. In all of the hassle, the woman never went back and charged me for the new machine. I'm not a theif and so my goal for the week is calling the store back and paying for the machine they literally gave me. I would love to accomplish this without getting the lovely woman who made the mistake in any trouble though, because she was very nice and helpful, even if she assisten me in accidentally stealing $300. Have you ever pointed out a mistake like this to a salesperson? I usually do when it happens. My sister (the one with the kids) thinks I'm nuts for paying for it.