I am so angry right now I am crying and shaking and want to puke.
My guy has 2 best friends. He asked me if I minded cooking for them on Monday. I said okay. I like them and it's only 2 more people to our family dinner, so what the hey? We're not having a big party nor are we going to one. Again, it's just a family dinner with 2 extra chairs. Okay, that's how it started anyway.
I have a rule that works for ME in regards to my weight loss, so I have to do it. It's simply this: no food comes into my house that I can't eat NOR do I cook food that I can't eat. Sure, in theory, I can eat anything, but I really can't. Chips, sugary drinks, most candy, most processed foods, full fat meats etc. aren't to be found in my house.
In the past 2 years I've been living a very healthy lifestyle and I've had to come to terms with a few truths: Few people support or care to support my weight-loss/maintenance venture. People are happy for you if you lose some weight, but the second you put 5-10lbs on, they're the same people who point out that you're getting fat again with happy faces. These are also the fuckers that point out you're too skinny, you were too fat before etc. They're just miserable. They say they do support you, but they really don't. Next is the truth that I am responsible for me and what I do and do not eat no one else. Cooking as much as possible is a big step in controlling myself. Therefore, I will happily prepare food for anyone who wants to eat, but it's made MY WAY. If I go to another home, I often bring my own food. Again, I am responsible for me.
So, that said, I asked my guy to ask his buddies what they WILL NOT eat and then listed several things I had planned to make. I was told "that's fine, whatever you make is fine."
I am ALWAYS told this, and it's usually a lie.
At Christmas, I made tuna steaks and salmon fillets for half the guests and pork chops for the rest. Guests also had a choice of baked potato or baked sweet potato. Everyone chose what they wanted ahead of time. In the middle of dinner, my guy said "Why don't I have a sweet potato? And, you know, I don't like cooked slamon." WTF? he ASKED FOR AWHOTE POTATO AND SALMON! I felt so sick and ill, as if he'd hit me.
So, this am, I explained that over half the food had been bought for Monday and we're having dry-rubbed pork chops, grilled veg, mixed green salad with feta cheese, baked potatoes, slaw, corn bread, and angel food cake with berries and whipped cream. His response? "Most people don't like pork. We should have something else."
I've been asking this fucker for nearly 2 weeks to call his friends and see if they like pork and he waits until I've spent a small fortune on food to want a change? HELL NO!
We had a shouting match and I went off to church this morning feeling sick, hurt and tired. He later sent me a text message saying sorry, but he didn't mean it.
So, later today, at 4:30ish my brother-in-law twxted me that his guest (whom I didn't invite nor do I know) doesn't like pork and the BIL suggested I go get a steak. I responded "I have pork, if you bring steak I'll cook it." the BIL invited someone to my house w/o really ok-ing it with me and THEN waits to the last minute to want me to change my menu? WTF?
This then opened the door for the Guy to get pissy yet again that I'm not changing my menu for these people. I've had that meat dry rubbed and marinating since lsat night, it's too late to change the menu. the veggies are cut, the slaw is waiting for the dressing and the corn bread is waiting to go into the oven. It's TOO LATE PEOPLE!
My guy told me that I'm an unreasonable person and in the rest of the world, people change what they're going to make based off their guests. You know what? For 2 years I've noticed that no one is willing to buy me a bottle of diet coke or leave the sugar out of the tea EVEN IF I ASK unless it was part of their plan already. So, me, I being my own food or scavenge as best I can. Why? Because my lifestlye is up to me, even when I'm a guest. Especially when I'm a guest.
It's one thing to just buy pork and make it w/o caring, but I did spend the better part of TWO GODDAMNED WEEKS asking people and got 85 responses of "whatever you want." Well, I'm calling it in, it is WHAT I WANT, eat up or get out.
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You're going to have to learn to live in the real world sooner and later. And not make weight the main focus of your life and social life. There's no diet coke? Have water. There's sugar in the tea? Ask for plain tea again. At the rate you're going you are going to crash and burn with this weight thing. And you're going to have to learn moderation and how to host a party where people don't like pork. That's the real world.
ReplyDeleteI think it's INCREDIBLY rude to announce what you do and don't like when you're invited to a dinner party. I would NEVER call my hostess and tell her what to make. I will show up with a bottle of wine or flowers, I will plaster a smile on my face and I will eat what I'm served and be grateful that someone was kind enough to invite me over. If it's something I can't eat, I will politely serve myself a little, stir it around and not call any attention to myself, and eat more of the things I can eat. Duh. That's what people do.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but your hubby, your BIL and his friend simply were not taught any manners at all. You don't get to demand whatever you want when you're someone's guest. Sheesh.
Oh, and whoever the anonymous commenter above is, I disagrew tih him. You do not have "learn moderation," and when you host a party, you serve whatever the heck you want to serve.
Jilly when you go to other peoples house you moan constantly that they wont take what you want to eat into account .You have become totally self obsessed and your way is the only way that things can ever be done either at home or away.
ReplyDeletePersonally i think your Husband is a bloody saint to live with you if you act at home the way you act on here .
So you are having trouble getting pregnant , maybe thats due to your rapid weight loss I know if animals lose to much weight they have trouble conceiving, add to that the stress you pile upon yourself by getting wound up over the really really little stuff in life that doesn't matter at all in the great scheme of things,it's really no wonder.You have a lovely daugter already if you cant have another one that's life lots of people cant have any children at all, we dont always get what we want in this life its how we deal with it that makes the difference
don't focus on the shit to the detriment of the good stuff.
Compared with a lot of people on here you have a damned good life you should appreciate it , be happy that your husband wants to bring his friends back home rather going down a bar with them for the night.be happy that people invite you to their houses rather than bitching about what they dont like you eating.
be happy because for the last god knows how long you have come over on your blog and on other peoples blogs as a self centred moaning child who sulks when things aren;t going exactly her own way.
You can chose to be Happy I suggest you give it a go
Alex
This will be my third try at posting a response,,
ReplyDelete1) Calm down. I can agree with your frustration, but I cannot agree with your stance of not letting food into your home that you won't eat. I haven't eaten meat for over 40 years now, but I allow it in and prepare it for those in my family who want it and for guests. I don't have to inflict my own spiritual feelings about it on anyone else.
2) Yes, your husband is an asshole for micromanaging a situation that it sounds like he wants to control only from a distance.
3) Next time, have a BYOMeat extravaganza,, tell folks to prepare a meat dish or grilling meat to share. It gets expensive and last time I looked, steaks were sky high. I suspect a lot of burgers, hot dogs and chicken will show up. Maybe a few shrimp,, probably no one will bring porterhouses to pass around for everyone. You are a young single income earning family. Other folks need to get a grip and asking for a steak is completely out of line.
I always ask if I can bring something. If I need to I show up with it and I smiling.I eat what's served and be grateful that someone was kind enough to invite me over. If it's something I can't eat, I will take a little serving maybe eat a bite or 2 and not draw attention to myself. I will take more of the things I like.
ReplyDeleteI found the guys to be rude to say,do and expect that of you after many attempts at finding out what they wanted and not response. Not to mention after buying all that food they decide to tell you. They should have realized you are a young one income family.
VQ, Then Jilly shouldn't complain when other people host parties they don't serve healthy food as she has many times and has avoided family situations because of food, it's ridiculous. Her obsession with this is beyond healthy and not a healthy outlook on food and it's intruding on her home and social life. She's going to crash and burn at this rate.
ReplyDeleteI always give my guests two choices for dinner. TAKE IT or LEAVE IT.
ReplyDeleteJilly you really do need to relax and take a deep breath. You're becoming a cranky old broard.
I don't know who anon, if it's all alex, fine, but if it isn't, then at least sign your name.
ReplyDeletehere's my response:
i usually only complain when people are pissed that i bring my own food to family events. i don't count on anyone providing food for me but me. Why? I'm the one who chose to lose weight and I don't care if anyone else loses weight or gains weight. This was something i did for me. BUT people are usually angry when I don't want the extra cheesy lasagna and spend the day trying to force cheesecake off on me. They are outright ANGRY and MEAN when I don't want one bite and 99% of the time, I don't want a bite. I HATE cake, I always have. I once gave in and had some of their food and I was terribly ill with dumping syndrome for several days after. For me, nothing is worth dumping syndrome. I can feel the cramps right now. My lack of a gallbladder is why I get dumping syndrome FYI, nothing to do with the weight loss.
My issues getting pregnant aren't due to weight loss but due to my miscarriage and an illness i had afterward. According to the specialist, the miscarriage and the illness are so rare, one has more of a chance of hitting power ball jackpot than getting these two issues the way I did. It's a pity I didn't hit the lottery. I currently weigh 138lbs at 5'6" tall, which makes me smack dab in the middle of the BMI chart, way over the weight that would make me "too skinny to be healthy" or even "too skinny to ovulate." Lastly, it's taken me 2 years to lose 100lbs, which in fact is NOT rapid at all. Rapid weight loss is losing more than 2lbs a week. My weight loss is around 1lb a week on average, way under the rapid. Although these results are skewed b/c I lost almost all my weight in 18months and have spent the last 6 months gaining and losing the same 5lbs, or "maintaining." Most of my skin has already shrunken up by now b/c of my active lifestyle, water consumption, the length of time i've been at it, and my youth.
As to the party, i did tell people that if they didn't want what I planned, then they could bring something else and I'd be happy to cook it on the grill. What pissed me off was the assertion that i MUST buy and prepare something special for each guest AFTER being told at least 10 times that "whatever i make" would be fine. It's not whatever i make, obviously. My hubby tells me at nearly every holiday that "whatever i make" is great, but then bitches that he likes what X or Y is having better and wished I had made him that other thing instead.
Really, I'm just tired of being put in charge of the food and then him wanting to change it after it's ready. I told him on Sunday that he could buy another meat product and cook it himself etc. and be 100% in charge of all of that item and then all of a sudden what I had was perfect and we didn't need to put ourselves out for others. I'm a housewife, not a stepford wife. I do have stuff that I do all day, and waiting hand-and-food on stupid whims isn't it. I would have got ribs, steak, tuna steaks etc. anything really if they had requested it when i aked, but they didn't. the implication that i had nothing else to do BUT go and get another meat, change the menu and prepare all of that etc. was what really pissed me off. Also, as catz said, we have one income, when the menu is set and paid for, that's it.
ReplyDeleteI've been to see people and had long conversations with experts and knowing all the behind the scenes junk that goes on, my relationship with food is actually pretty healthy. I weigh out all my food portions, I find ways to make foods i love, but make them to avoid dumping syndrome. I take my daughter out into the community to be active at the lake etc. We eat well balanced meals and my 3 year old knows all the fruit veggie names and likes eating most of them.
Here's the deal everyone in my family is morbidly obese, has weight related health issues, and constantly bitch about their weight issues and health issues. After the round of bitching that their sugar, pressure, cholesterol etc. are high they THEN they eat an entire pizza at pizza hut as if the two issues aren't related. Fine. I choose not to do that. I don't care what they eat, i just don't eat it myself.
when they host parties, I bring my own little lunch bag and yes, I bring m own drinks. Why? quite often, the tap water isn't safe to drink where I live, there's constanty warnings posted about bacteria in the water that people with compromised immune systems, pregnant, elderly, young children, people seeking to get pregnant shouldn't drink. So, frequently I bring my own beverages b/c i don't think it's fair to put my food and drink choices on someone else. At parties, my family is too busy taking care of regular stuff to worry about special stuff for me. I'm not bitchy that I need to take care of me. AGAIN, I'm mad that they resent me taking care of me. I usually mingle then when people eat, get a plate and fix my own out of my lunchbox. I don't run anything in nor do I make nasty comments about what other people are eating or bitch that they don't have anything for me. I know people who do this and it's annoying. I'm 29, I can take care of me.
I understand why it's bad to not allow specific things in my home, but I think it's fine for me to say I don't want a king sized bag of potato chips at my house. I don't eat them and my hubby's health issues mean he shouldn't eat them either. no one NEEDS a king sized bag of chips, but that's what he'd buy if i didn't tell him not to. We do have lunch sized bags of chips in the pantry for snacks, but that's what they are: a snack. People in my family eat chips like a meal. We also have some candy in a tub that belongs to my daughter and she gets some sometimes as a treat. i don't care for milk chocolate or sour candy, so it's pretty safe. What I mean by not having things in my house that I don't eat are the 4lb bars of chocolate etc or a whole cake just for me. My m-i-l loves her family and she loves us by buying us CRAP. Lots and lots of CRAP. She LOVES to buy 4lb bars of chocolate and 5 or 6 bags of candy bars, and a cake for each of us in the after holiday sales and brings them to my house. No one in my house needs that much crap. Chocolate doesn't keep, so many food based charities do not accept chocolate candy donations, as I've discovered.
ReplyDeletethanks for your opinion and advice. it was as worthwhile as all advice, i guess. if you think i'm sulky, whiny, annoying and opinionated, that's fine. I realize that I'll never change your opinion of me, no matter how truthful or not it is, and there's no real point in trying to change it, is there? Hell, you're even entitled to stick up for my guy without knowing him, me, or the situation just because he has to live with me and in your mind, that's probably akin to hell. living with other people is always a challenge and he could use all the good vibes he can get, so go on and pass a few his way if you feel like it.
if i "crash and burn" it won't be from food. It will be from the stress of my hubby's phd program; his barely controlled ADHD; my daughter's learning disability and all the junk that goes with; and the rapidly declining health of my parents, my in-laws and my grandparent in-law. Someone has to take care of them and I don't have a job to I'm often drafted. The economy and attacks on the pension system & government employees don't help either.
I don't post about a lot of the happy stuff because a) it'd seems like bragging and b) it's pretty damn boring. Yesterday I got up, weeded the garden for an hour and then picked radishes which we ate for lunch. I sat in the sun drinking ice tea and completed two books and sang silly songs with my girl. that's what most of my days are like. They're happy but boring.
I do admit that social situations often stress me out via food, but that's mainly b/c the people I socialize with eat differently from me. They eat a pizza each, a half-gallon of ice cream each, a king sized bag of chips each etc. and if you don't eat like that, they make nasty comments whether i open my mouth first or not. I don't sit and make nasty comments or even judge them. I just want to eat my lunch while asking about current family events and watching the kids play.
I use my blog as a way to shout when I can't or shouldn't shout in real life. I'm often the one that doesn't get to should but who has to think of a solution and fix it quick. so you might see me bitch a lot. I have posted several warnings that I usually bitch a lot, sorry. I don't often share recipes b/c who really cared what i put in my chili or how i make veggie soup?
all of that said, the people came, they ate all the food and one person brought beef hot dogs. I cooked them, he ate them and everyone was happy, except MissM, but she was tired from helping mow the lawn and playing in the sprinkler. I've noticed that Most 3-year-olds aren't happy most of the time.
that's about it.
Jilly can complain to US all she wants about people not serving stuff that she can eat. That's why we're here. That's what the interwebz were invented for. She just can't complain to them.
ReplyDeleteIt's not all me If I am going to say something I put my name to it whoever isn't is a coward you either say it to someones face under your own name or you don't say it all
ReplyDeleteAnonymous' spelling and grammar were too good to be Alex. And if someone is too much of a pussy to sign their fucking name then they should keep their comments to themselves. This is Jilly's blog. She can write what she likes. Reading it is entirely up to us.
ReplyDeleteSince I seem to have similar struggles with weight and food, I am 100% on Jilly's side on this issue. She TRIED to find out what people would like to eat before hand and was told, "Whatever you make will be fine..." Then, after she goes shopping they spring on her, "Ohhhh well.... why didn't you buy steak?" Then Jilly was gracious enough to say, "If you bring your own, I'll be happy to grill it for you." Jilly, do you even eat red meat anymore? I usually don't.
Again, I support Jilly on this because when you have the major weight issues we have/have had - people don't support you in changing your life style. Consciously or unconsciously most of them want to see you fail, and some weill even try to sabbotage your efforts.
I dont want to see her fail i just wish shed stop moaning she has it petty good on the whole
ReplyDeletei usually don't moan in real life and only moan here b/c i can't moan in real life.
ReplyDeletei know my life is pretty good, most of the people at the shelf and its reincarnations are lucky to have good lives. i don't go on and on about all the great things going on b/c a) it's borderline bragging and b) if someone doesn't like me, wtf would they want to read my my bragging if they're tired of my bitching? and c) a lot of my life is boring. how many times can you read "got up, fixed breakfast and a picnic lunch, walked 2 miles to the library. ate the picnic and got a sugar free slurpee. walked home, made dinner. did 87 loads of laundry...." well if i'm lucky. if i'm not lucky, then my day is full of dealing with aging/elderly people and having to hear about the consistency of their shit and infected boils. i obviously don't share that b/c i'm not insane.
a lot of people on here bitch a lot of the time, but i haven't seen them called out on it as i was. so the anon person just doesn't particularly like me and my bitching. fine, click the next blog over. no one is forced to read a blog. i'm not running for Ms. Popularity, so i can't be bothered to try and win friendship with someone who has already decided that we're not compatible. if i had the energy for that, i'd clean something.
it was nice to see you alex, i guess, as i haven't seen you at the broards in ages but that's about all i have to say about that. really, what else is there to say? i apparently annoy the piss out of you and since neither of us is changing any time soon, that's probably ow things are going to stand.
I think the Anon poster is the same twat who has been leaving nasty comments on my blog. I just have my settings set, so that I have to unscreen anonymous comments for everyone to see them.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people use blogs for venting their frustrations in life. People see more of the happy stuff on Facebook because of the "microblogging" aspect of it. Nobody is going to say: "Boy, am I pissed off at my good for nothing husband" on Facebook because your good for nothing husband is probably on your friends list.
ReplyDelete