angry in the heat

I am so angry right now I am crying and shaking and want to puke.

My guy has 2 best friends. He asked me if I minded cooking for them on Monday. I said okay. I like them and it's only 2 more people to our family dinner, so what the hey? We're not having a big party nor are we going to one. Again, it's just a family dinner with 2 extra chairs. Okay, that's how it started anyway.

I have a rule that works for ME in regards to my weight loss, so I have to do it. It's simply this: no food comes into my house that I can't eat NOR do I cook food that I can't eat. Sure, in theory, I can eat anything, but I really can't. Chips, sugary drinks, most candy, most processed foods, full fat meats etc. aren't to be found in my house.

In the past 2 years I've been living a very healthy lifestyle and I've had to come to terms with a few truths: Few people support or care to support my weight-loss/maintenance venture. People are happy for you if you lose some weight, but the second you put 5-10lbs on, they're the same people who point out that you're getting fat again with happy faces. These are also the fuckers that point out you're too skinny, you were too fat before etc. They're just miserable. They say they do support you, but they really don't. Next is the truth that I am responsible for me and what I do and do not eat no one else. Cooking as much as possible is a big step in controlling myself. Therefore, I will happily prepare food for anyone who wants to eat, but it's made MY WAY. If I go to another home, I often bring my own food. Again, I am responsible for me.

So, that said, I asked my guy to ask his buddies what they WILL NOT eat and then listed several things I had planned to make. I was told "that's fine, whatever you make is fine."

I am ALWAYS told this, and it's usually a lie.

At Christmas, I made tuna steaks and salmon fillets for half the guests and pork chops for the rest. Guests also had a choice of baked potato or baked sweet potato. Everyone chose what they wanted ahead of time. In the middle of dinner, my guy said "Why don't I have a sweet potato? And, you know, I don't like cooked slamon." WTF? he ASKED FOR AWHOTE POTATO AND SALMON! I felt so sick and ill, as if he'd hit me.

So, this am, I explained that over half the food had been bought for Monday and we're having dry-rubbed pork chops, grilled veg, mixed green salad with feta cheese, baked potatoes, slaw, corn bread, and angel food cake with berries and whipped cream. His response? "Most people don't like pork. We should have something else."

I've been asking this fucker for nearly 2 weeks to call his friends and see if they like pork and he waits until I've spent a small fortune on food to want a change? HELL NO!

We had a shouting match and I went off to church this morning feeling sick, hurt and tired. He later sent me a text message saying sorry, but he didn't mean it.

So, later today, at 4:30ish my brother-in-law twxted me that his guest (whom I didn't invite nor do I know) doesn't like pork and the BIL suggested I go get a steak. I responded "I have pork, if you bring steak I'll cook it." the BIL invited someone to my house w/o really ok-ing it with me and THEN waits to the last minute to want me to change my menu? WTF?

This then opened the door for the Guy to get pissy yet again that I'm not changing my menu for these people. I've had that meat dry rubbed and marinating since lsat night, it's too late to change the menu. the veggies are cut, the slaw is waiting for the dressing and the corn bread is waiting to go into the oven. It's TOO LATE PEOPLE!

My guy told me that I'm an unreasonable person and in the rest of the world, people change what they're going to make based off their guests. You know what? For 2 years I've noticed that no one is willing to buy me a bottle of diet coke or leave the sugar out of the tea EVEN IF I ASK unless it was part of their plan already. So, me, I being my own food or scavenge as best I can. Why? Because my lifestlye is up to me, even when I'm a guest. Especially when I'm a guest.

It's one thing to just buy pork and make it w/o caring, but I did spend the better part of TWO GODDAMNED WEEKS asking people and got 85 responses of "whatever you want." Well, I'm calling it in, it is WHAT I WANT, eat up or get out.