I really understand why people spank

I myself have felt the urge to spank. It's not that I'm against spanking or look down on it, but to me, it makes sense to explain why mandolin needs to follow rules and not just telling her to follow rules. Like most parents, my mom and dad had rules, and if we didn't listen, there was a consequence. More often than not, my mom and dad were spankers, and not just regular spankers but what i like to think of as "impulse beaters." Instead of cooling off and thinking before spanking, my mom would grab something and

beat until she was done beating. She never really left brusies and it didn't happen often, but i think each of us kids has a story of her breaking something while using it to beat us. Many of the rules my parents had were good rules to have, like going to bed early etc. What was really lacking in the punishment system at our house was any sort of cause and effect chit-chat, post beating follow up, or logical processing. Would it have been so hard to say "I love you, even if you did something wrong. You are not a bad person" after tearing our butts up?

My parents both worked a lot and often worked 15 or more hours a day sometimes 7 days a week. I don't blame them for not taking the time to say "if you do x, then y will happen because YOU did x. If you don't like y, then don't do x." I noticed that the main difference between kids in the AP and GT classes in high school and kids in the below level classes (at the two schools i have staff experience at) was a lifetime of "if you do x, then y happens" or "blank is the rule. blank is the rule because of blank. if you break blank, then blank consequence will happen." (Also, most kids are not taught to just take the consequence they earned and stfu.) Most of the kids i worked with were below grade level and while many had good parents, almost none of the parents took time to explain logic over and over especially when applied to rules and behavior expectations. I'm not sure if it was because no one ever explained it to the parents, or if it never occured to the parents that they actually need to talk to their kids and not just yell or talk at and then they have to keep syaing it over and over a million more times. I don't really blame the parents for the lack of knowledge because we're not taught to listen to others, process and then discuss. We're really just taught to hear and respond without much quality communication going on. Hot Tip: Just because your kid is in high school doesn't mean you're done. They make think they're adults, dress like adults, sort of look like adults and want to be adults, but they're not adults: you are.

Another Issue:

Many people operate under the misconception that saying something like "do it again and see what happens" means "don't do that." Some people do realize that the implied meaning is "don't do that." Some people are very literal and really think you're telling them to do it again and then get pissed when punished for doing it again. I had to take some crisis intervention training and one year someone who worked in hostage negotiation led the workshop (that's what we need at school!) and apparently the worst thing someone can say when held at gunpoint is "give me the gun" to someone in crisis, this means "hey, just shoot me." The correct thing to say is "put the gun down and kick it away from you." Sarcasm is a hard habit to break and i'm glad i only had a few tough spots with it.

When mandolin does something wrong i tell her it's wrong, i try to tell her why and then she gets a consequence (punishment). I mainly call it a "consequence" because i want to keep up with the cause and efect theme. For example, today a minor issue was over a mess

Me: "Mandolin, if oyu do not put that toy back, you're getting a consequence. you know big toys stay in your room."

Her: "No"

Me: "I am going to count to three and you need to put it back or you're going to sit in the chair"

Her: "I said no!"

Me: "Let's go to the chair. You have to sit there for two minutes without making a noise"

She started to fuss, but "the look" cut that out quick and she sat her two minutes with grace and put the toy back. usually saying "consequence" will make her get in line, even in public. I have no idea if this method will work for her long term though. so much of parenting is trying new things and praying. However, I like the fact that she hates sitting in her chair and will listen to me so she doesn't have to sit there.

Recently, I had a little meeting with all the people who watch her and explained the system to them. She's smart enough to realize that if she's not with me and she's bad, other people might not know the system. It was a big shock for her tonight when my best friend, her aunt V, made her sit in her chair. I had to have the meeting because the other day, when she was being punished, Mandolin said "I want daddy" and gave me this look that said "you're in trouble when he gets home." Poor thing doesn't realize that I make all the rules and daddy isn't going to save her.