Have you ever

wanted to crawl throuh the phone and beat someone with your shoe because they piss you off while talking to them? Bert probably hasn't because he's too laid back for such emotions, but I know I'm not the only one around here who gets mad like that.

I haven't talked to my mom since last Feb/early March. We had a falling out about my daughter's disability and my insistance to get her treatment. Apparently getting my daughter treatment is a waste of resources and my mom resents it. I don't think I'll ever forgive her or trust her again after that fight. Anyway, even though I don't talk to her, she's still my mother and I care for her. Tonight I talked to one of my sisters and found out that my mother has been very ill and apparently they all thought I wouldn't care so no one called to tell me. The doctor told my mother that she'll probably die from the pneumonia and bronchittis she's had for over a month now if she doesn't a) quit her chain smoking and b) lose weight.

I dislike my mom's smoking, but i see it as not my business so i don't say anything. My sisters and dad have been ganging up on my mom to quit smoking because she's recently started to cough up bloody mucus. I asked about the weight loss suggestion and my older sister then lectured me about how being beyond morbidly obese has nothing to do with health. I pointed out that there are some pretty strong correlations with morbid obesity and poor health. My older sister then told me that my daughter would grow up to hate herself and hate me because i've taken steps to change my life and be a weight in the normal BMI range. I didn't see how in her mind these things correlate.

I lost it and started yelling at her. Being overweight or obese increses the risk of dying from asthma significantly. When I can't breathe, it's the worst feeling: everything hurts, the world stops and it's miserable and terrifying. The last time I had a bad attack, I watched my guy panic and my daughter cry because she was scared. If taking care of myself could prevent my daughter watching me die from asthma, then it's worth it. Moreover, losing weight and becoming stronger is preventing me from having an operation on my spine. The operation has several risks and might not even work. so again, if taking care of myself could prevent things from being worse, then it's worth it to me. My sister is way past morbidly obese and has always been very large, even when we were kids. genetics has a role to play, but so does lifestyle. I don't hold it against her that she's morbidly obese, that's her choice at this point in time. What I am angry about is her finding reasons to hate people who don't want to be morbidly obese and getting mad when people insist that there's such thing as a healthy weight. I will say what is a healthy weight for one person might not be healthy for someone else, that's why they give a range of numbers. My sister has problems walking up a flight of stairs. I asked her if she thought it was healthy to be unable to walk up stairs and she became very angry. At this point in time, I wanted to crawl through the phone and beat her with my shoe.

Bottom line is that some people are under weight, some people are in the range and other people are over the range. If people want to be in the normal range, they have to activly want to be in that range and work for it. having a weight that's considered "normal" might not prevent my death from asthma or keep my right arm from being paralyzed in the long run. But guess what? so far it's done a damn good job of helping me manage my asthma and for the first time in a long time, I was able to carry my daughter. I was devastated when I was unable to carry my daughter and just holding her caused me massive pain. Right now I can pick her up without my arm going numb and there's no threat of dropping her. For me, that's worth skipping out on things like pizza. When she implied that being healthy would cause hate between my daughter and i, i wanted to laugh. my mom didn't teach us to be healthy and she herself isn't healthy and look at our relationship. no one can predict the relationship i'll have with my daughter in 15 years. however, i think taking the time to teach her to be healthy and trying to keep myself healthy can only be good for our relationship in the future.