Big versus Small Packges

So, today I got home from the store and set Mandolin up with some dinner and TV watching while I went out to get the groceries from the car. I have to take several small loads because i'm not even supposed to be lifting groceries anyway, but when you're the only one home, you gotta do it. I was on my way into the house with load #2 when I heard voices in the cemetery next to/behind my house. It was about 6ish so it was a little late for visiting. I looked up and this man had pulled over in the middle of the cemetery section next to my home, got out of his van and was peeing. What shocked me is that one hand was holding a cell phone and the other was scratching his head and he was wildly peeing all over the place. He had no control of the situation.

I paused and took a good look, because this asshole was practically in my yard letting it ALL hang out, so why not? His fly was only down about a inch and the poor man wasn't blessed in the penis size. I was so glad that I got Mandolin in the house before his jerk pulled up. I supressed the urge to call out a catcall as I went back for loads #3 and #4. It was hard to keep a straight face and I kept thinking of the picture of "clay" that went around the shelf several years back. You know, nothing says "I really miss grandpa" like pissing in the cemetery....

I also really felt bad for the person on the other end of the phone. another one of my biggest pet peeves are people who talk on the phone while going to the bathroom in a public place. I don't understand people who feel the need to not only talk about stuff while they're taking care of business, but while strangers are also taking care of business. it's just weird and gross.

While talking to a friend about this incident later, I remembered being flashed while in college. a guy came up to me and said "wanna see something?" I stupidly said "sure" and next thing I know this huge elephant sized penis was being waved in front of me. this guy's cock was so big he could have been in porn, and not the free stuff, the stuff people pay $20 for. His penis was so big i was afraid of walking funny later just being near it. He ofered me to touch it, but i declined in fear of VD. A few days later found out that this dude was rushing and his task was flash girls before he could earn his nickname of "big red." I think they should have called him "ouch."