a "friendly" Family competition

Standard Entry Form

Whichever female can find the worst piece of sh*t excuse for a man and cohabitate, possibly marry (introducing him as your fiance for 35 years doesn't count as married, but you do get some points for a "real" lack of committment), and breed as many times as possible makes it to the final round.

You win, if and ONLY if, your (in)significant other is proven to be the WORST possible mate/parent this generation has seen.

Here's how to play:

Find a jerk. A real pig here, not just a minor pig, but an out-and-out a$$hole. Be warned that not just any jerk will do. There are levels to these things.

I.
Points are awarded for financial strains on the family caused by: negative credit record, bankruptcy, foreclosure, him pawning your stuff (double bonus points are awarded if he pawned it because of alcohol, drug, gambling, or issues with another woman).

Bonus points are awarded for his time spent unemployed, "on disability," and for crippling conditions like drug addiction, alcoholism, or gambling debts. Lastly, points are given out for a criminal record, and you get more points for the longer it is.

II.
Note, it's a must that:
1) he is abusive in some way or another. After the first three incidents of abuse, you may apply for bonus points, but you must fil out form W3-J7 with an adendum.
2) he ruins every "happy" occasion in your time together.
3) he cares more about his mother than you and your kids. However, if you have proof that he's scr3wed his momma over like you, you may fill out form W4-J8 with an adendum to receive triple bonus points.

III.
Double bonus points are awared for concrete proof (not just suspicion or heresay) that he's cheated on you. These points become "maxed out" if he knocks the other woman up, if she's jailbait, or if it's done in your house and you caught them. In short, you could quadruple points here.

IV.
Children:
1) You will be given 10 points for the first child, but 30 points for each additional child. Let's get real, ANYONE can have a kid with an a$$hole, but it takes someone special to have several kids with one.
2) You may receive bonus points if you can prove your kids are messed up because of his influence or lack thereof. Request form W9-Z2 with sub sections QR3WS-QR6WS for the doctors to fill out
3) Points are awarded for him owing back child support, missing important events in the child's life, and if he really has no idea what the kid looks like or how old s/he is you can apply for quadruple points seek out form V7MX3.

V.
1) The competition officially ends when one (in)significant other is found so vial, the rest of the women give in and admit defeat. However, sitting around and b*tching about your spouse and saying "at least I'm not married to X's spouse" does not count as a defeat and if these incidents can be proven, will add points for the person who was mentioned in the catty comment.
2) In the case of a tie, deciding factors will be based on the next relationship the two women have, because let's face it folks, who can stop at just one a$$hole?

VI.
So, what do you win?
1)You win the rights to be the most put-upon b*tch in the family in the generation. This means that no one is allowed to fvck with you at family events. Everyone must side with you because you're the most bitter, angry myrtar in the generation and you HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT! Good for you.
2)Oh, and you're always guarenteed a chair. You know chairs are short at family functions, and you? You get a THRONE (not the one in the bathroom) where you may sit and whine for the entire event while telling all the other women what a$$holes they have, and you should know because you married the king of them....

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I married a good man, so I don't get to play