Monday, December 13, 2010
lost
i had a miscarriage at 6:30 this morning. i'm having one of the worst days of my life and i just want to crawl into a hole and cry and i can't because i have to choke back my sobs and try to smile and play with my daughter instead. someone has to fix breakfast, fold laundry and go to the store. i want to pretend christmas isn't coming this year too, but that's something else i'll have to sit though and insist that i'm fine, when i'm not. we didn't tell anyone, it was a christmas surprise.
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Oh, Jilly. I'm sorry. It's such a hard thing to go through. I'll be thinking about you all day.
ReplyDeleteOh Jilly, I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteHow are you today? I was thinking, there is nothing wrong with calling in sick (flu, whatever) for Christmas and spending it just with your husband and sweetie pie.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, Jilly.
ReplyDeleteeverything still hurts. the dr didn't tell me how sore i'd be or how sick i'd feel. physically, i feel as if i were hit by a car. i'm an emotional wreck. i had to force myself to eat yesterday. some people have been wonderful since yesterday morning and others terribly ignorant. the secretary at the Drs office said "well, you weren't THAT pregnant" when I was canceling my appointment this week and scheduling an appointment of a different sort. it took all i had not to hit her or curse her.
ReplyDeletei was supposed to visit with two different ladies groups at church this week, but i've canceled both. I'm happy that we planed to only have sandwhiches and veggie and fruit trays for christmas supper, so i don't need to cook or really do anything for that. My guy said he'd take care of getting the rest of the christmas presents. I need to mail the cards, but if they're late, please forgive me.
missm knows something bad happened to mommy. she keeps saying "mommy is very sad" and "mommy has a boo boo and it's bad." Last night she asked me when she's getting her sister. I told her that her sister is with jesus in heaven. I didn't know what else to say. so this morning she asked me to take her to see baby jesus because she wanted to see the baby. She's scared and nervous and so I think allowing a few people over for christmas is best for her. I know that if i need to go have a rest in the other room, no one will hold it against me.
My guy is hurting too, as well as his parents and my family etc. His mother insisted that men feel nothing and to them, these things aren't a big deal. I beg to differ. he's sad and scared and blaming himself and questioning himself too. He's spared the physical pain, but not the emotional pain.
yesterday was just a bad day. everything went wrong. lost paperwork, the dishwasher died again(probably for good), things were lost and misplaced at various drs offices and my order was messed up twice at the restaurant we had lunch at. when my sister took me to the market, they were almost out of food. they had 4 cans of green beans and one box of oatmeal in the whole place. i was ready for yesterday to be over. I talked to my brother-in-law before bed last night and told him i couldn't wait for today, because it HAD to be better, as everything bad had already happened on monday.
i had a reply, but google ate it and lost it. i am better than yesterday by minor degrees but still lost
ReplyDeleteI'm really, really sorry. Bad things are even worse when they happen during the holiday season.
ReplyDeleteJIlly, so sorry to hear your news. Be better
ReplyDeleteJilly,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this.
Jilly,
ReplyDeleteBe well. I have been surrounded by this kind of news. but i want to think now that my grandchild and your baby are flying around in heaven together.
Are you feeling any better today?
ReplyDelete