This is a story about my sister. She works hard, but doesn't make enough to provide everything her kids need so she's on food stamps. Fine. She needs help and we live in a society where some help is provided (usually not enough, but that's another issue). I don't look down on her because I'm a decent human being. She works 50+ hours a week to provide what she can. While I dislike her husband, I don't hate him and often feel bad for him. He's a type 1 diabetic with many health issues related to it.
I think part of the problem is that for years they insisted he's a type 2 before he got sick enough to almost die and then they ran a few extra tests and said "golly gee, you're a type 1, our bad." You can't treat the two diseases the same, because they aren't, they're quite different. His health is pretty bad right now. He cannot feel his legs, stand for more than 25 mins and he's probably going to lose his foot soon. He needs one vial of insulin a month and it's $75 a vial AFTER insurance. They can't afford that and so he hasn't been taking it. My heart hurts for them. One shouldn't have to choose between feeding and clothing their children, paying rent, or getting vital medication. Today his blood sugar was 405. I am not sure how he was awake and talking and not in a coma.
While the situation is terrible, what REALLY GETS ME is that these people out-and-out RANT about "those people on welfare" and vote republican. In fact, they're volunteers for the republican governor candidate. They love watching Red Eye and Glen Beck, and listen to Rush (although they HATE oreilly). My sister brags about boycotting various restaurants that supports pro life and other heathen morals (although she hasn't seen the inside of a church in almost a decade). I don't understand how people who are literally living because of welfare despise "those people" on welfare and vote for people who want to eliminate welfare.
It makes no sense to me. This is why I think it MUST be an issue of racisim. Anytime someone has any sort of conversation about "those people" they're usually talking about someone who isn't white, well-to-do, or of a religion that's approved of by people who are white, well-to-do, or of a specific religion. The comments attached to the loathing of "those people on welfare" leads me to believe that they're really just talking about the "Danisha's" supposedly living in the ghetto with 4 kids by 4 different baby-daddies who have fancy cars and expensive clothing while getting a welfare check or two a month.
Look, I live 4 blocks from one of the worst ghettos on the East Coast and I've never seen someone making bank off of welfare, and we all shop at the same A&P, even on the first of the month (I try to avoid the store that week if I can, but it's not always possible). I can honestly say that the people I see with food stamp cards tend to be people who are dressed as if they work at least one menial job, work very hard, and try to do the best they can by their kids. I never see crab legs, steak, or any other outrageous items on the belts of the people with the independance cards at my A&P, like the welfare reformists insist is a common occurance. I can't say it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that I've never seen it happen. I mostly see people who are trying like hell to make it, like everyone else.
I also know that being a parent sucks when your kids want things and you can't provide them. Sure, no one NEEDS expensive shoes or an MP3 player, but most kids wish for them, especially at Christmas time and birthdays and it's horrible to say "No, you can't have that because we're poor." My niece had a birthday recently and she only asked for one thing: A store-bought birthday cake, the one with the REAL BARBIE in it, not juse the top half. My sister got her that cake, and it was probably around $40, but that's all the kid wanted. And that's about all she got from her parents. Over the years, I've learned not to ask the kids what they want because they'll say the most heart-breaking things like "we're not having birthdays this year because we're poor." I always get them something, but I know that has to piss my sister off because she can't provide for them, but here comes her uppity bitch sister showing her up and getting the kids gifts.
I hope my daughter never tells me "I can't have a birthday this year because we're poor."
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"While the situation is terrible, what REALLY GETS ME is that these people out-and-out RANT about "those people on welfare" and vote republican. In fact, they're volunteers for the republican governor candidate."
ReplyDeleteA lot of people vote against their own financial interests . . .that's because they listen to all those nasty Right Wingers who convince us it's an US vs THEM world.
Most people think that it's black people on welfare when the stats show that the highest majority of welfare recipients are white kids and white females.
"it's horrible to say "No, you can't have that because we're poor."
I say Bullshit to this. That's a good lesson for the kid . . .you gotta work and go to school if you want a better life than the Old Man and Mom. That's what people did in the '30's and in other previous generations.
Instead of instilling the Woe-is-me mentality why doesn't your sister take the kids to a free museum or park for their birthdays and say "other families might do it with toys but this is the way our family celebrates special occasions."
There's actually a couple of other types of diabetes than just 1 & 2. I was just reading the other day about a type that's basically an autoimmune problem, where it starts off like type 2, but gradually turns into something like Type 1. Your brother-in-law might be able to get his insulin at a reduced cost if he contacts the company who makes it. Many companies have indigent patient programs.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to agree with Emma too on the not celebrating birthdays. There are many ways to celebrate without giving things and making these occasions about material things.
I imagine your sister and her husband have fallen into the trap of the human ego--that to feel good about ourselves there must be someone we can blame/hate. This is much easier than actually looking to change our lives.
It hurts my soul to see our society well up with all this hatred of the working poor. Just like the immigrant hatred we're seeing right now, this is nothing but (very) thinly veiled racism, and it's very, very ugly.
ReplyDeleteThe older I get, the more I believe that political beliefs are something we're born with -- meaning, a tendency to look at things a certain way.
ReplyDeleteOn the sister/kid thing, I have a half-sister (same dad, different mom) who lives in Iowa. She is married to a man we all despise (for very good reason) and who doesn't work. She supports the family, he works occasionally (no reason he can't work, he just doesn't) and they are very poor.
Her oldest daughter (10 years old) was out here visiting in July and it was heartbreaking to hear her constantly refer to the fact that they are poor. She's not complaining or bitter, just matter of fact about it which breaks my heart even more but is probably better for her. She doesn't long for the things that all my other nieces and nephews bugged us all for because she knows there's no chance for them.
Her parents had given her $50 to spend while she was out here and that was the most money she had ever had and she was funny, she would try to insist on paying for herself whenever we went out or bought her something, etc.
We basically didn't let her spend her money plus she was given money by various aunts and uncles so she went home with more money than she came out here with. When my half-sister realized this she called all angry about it.
She was angry about people buying her things, giving her money, etc., and kept asking, "Why did you do that?" and saying, "You didn't have to do that." Which was really weird to me. I still don't know that I understand it but maybe it's similar to your sister -- maybe my half-sister is angry because she can't do these things for her daughter but, if that's it, why should she be angry that we can and do?
i have no idea urban, but i agree that it's probably pride. ther's a reason pride is hig up on the sin list.
ReplyDeleteI know my sister has to resent the fact that I ride in on my white horse and buy things she cannot (like clothing) but i have the money and it pains me to sit and watch the kids go without things they need. now that i'm not working, most of what i buy them comes from consignment shops, but that's what i buy my own family anyway. I hate that she always makes nasty comment about what I do for her kids. I long ago realized that I can sit and watch them suffer, or I can do what I can and write off her bitterness. I bought my sister's kids clothing to wear in the big famil picture and all I heard was "reed's shirt is too big and Trixie's dress is too small" I wanted to make a nasty comment, but instead I said "well, next time you can buy the clothing and I'm sure it'll fit." She STFU after that, knowing she didn't have the $10 to buy the two outfits.
my niece and nephew don't ask or beg for things, they insist that they cannot have them because they're poor. If i Say "i'm going to buy you a present." they'll insist that they cannot have a present because their parents said that no one is getting presents this year. If I do buy them toys (a rairity), then I'll have to go to the store and find something I hope they'll like.
Emma, i don't mean this as catty or rude, so please don't take it this way, but how often did you sit LP down and say "you can't have a birthday or christmas this year because it's better for you in the long run, oh and don't count on the aunts and granparents either"? if you did this, kudos to you, but if you didn't, why not? My sister tried to give their birthday presents back one year. I personally couldn't break my kid's heart like that.
i understnad not being able to afford presents and that presents aren't the end all-be all, but it must really HURT to watch the pain in your kid's eyes when you can't give them koolaid, muchless shoes no one else has ever worn before or a barbie no one else has ever cut the hair off already. There's building character and there's flat-out knowing what you're missing. Even if the other kids around them didn't get at least oen toy for occassions, my kids gets stuff and other kids in the family get things, and they see it.
verb, the middle class is fading fast and the hate towards the poor, even BY the poor, astounds me. I grew up poor, but we were middle class for the area we were in (appalachia). Those same people are all now flat-out poor except nothing has really changed. They all work the same jobs their parents worked and live the same type of lives, but it isn't as much as it used to be. Sure crazy over-spending is partially to blame, but rent/mortage and the cost of food and transportation has sky-rocketed too.
The price of bread this winter is going to be crazy due to fires and droubt in Russia, and the cotton crop has pretty much failed around the world, meaning cotton products will be over-priced as well. Citi-mortgage is about to shut down many of their branches and places like northrop grumman are closing their doors right and left, at least on the E coast. things aren't getting better and people should be very worried, no matter what the news graphs say.
I am wondering where you heard that cotton goods are in jeapordy, because I saw a report that India is having record setting crops this year.
ReplyDeleteThe failing of wheat crops is supposed to be a boom for US farmers as our exports are expected to be the best in 15 years, worth billions of dollars. of course that may mean higher prices for us. luckily for me, i am not eating bread anymore and very few wheat products.
Emma, i don't mean this as catty or rude, so please don't take it this way, but how often did you sit LP down and say "you can't have a birthday or christmas this year because it's better for you in the long run, oh and don't count on the aunts and granparents either"?
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Jilly, I didn't take it as catty at all, but when LP was small he'd get too much stuff for his birthday and for Christmas and I'd suggest he keep half of what he received and donate the rest to Salvation Army. He did that without bitterness. He learned that not every kid---even in this country--is as fortunate as he is. We sometimes to this day say we'll forego Christmas gifts or birthday gifts and just go away for a few days and do stuff. We also tell people if they want to get us a gift for holidays, just go to Heifer.org and contribute ten bucks or whatever to that cause.
Personally I think that the way we celebrate birthdays and holidays in this country is mostly wrong---it's spend spend spend but that's just me. Seriously can you 9or anyone else) actually remember every one of the christmas and birthdays gifts you received as a child
Oh, and Urban, your half sister needs to learn the art of gratitude and just say, "That was awfully nice of you to treat Susie. She enjoyed her visit with you so much!"
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