When I get together with my friends we laugh a lot, and I really mean a lot. We often laugh so hard we can't stop no matter where we are or what we're doing. My friend S was in the ER last month and the doctors and nurses were cracking up at the show. My friend V saw an elderly man on a gurney go by and said "Is he dead, he looks dead?" A few minutes later he was pushed back by her and he started humming the goodbye song. What did V do? She started singing it with him and dancing. This is incident is very typical of us when we go out. The three of us are often like an episode of "I Love Lucy." Anyway, the other day I was driving my friend S somewhere when I got distracted. This guy was jogging on by minding his own. I admire people who jog. My guy is a jogger and X-country runner. Me? I'm not a runner. I love my elliptical and mourn my treadmill heavily, but I'll never be a runner or jogger. So, when I see people go outside when it's 100+ and run around in tiny little shorts and smile when they do it, I always stop and pay a few seconds homage to them. This was a terrible mistake on my part. This man was smokin' hot. He had an ass that could crack walnuts and thighs of steel. He wasn't bulky, but slim like the runner he was. God damn that man looked good. What? I can look if he can run around half naked and show it off.
Anyway, I was so enthralled with oogling I forgot that I was supposed to be operating a car full of people (no worries THEY were oogling the same man and describing his hottness level too, so I wasn't alone bein irresponsible). It seems that I ran a stop sign while contemplating his ass. I have never run a stop sign or gotten a ticket before in my life. Also, I have only ever had one parking ticket and it was through a private agency, so it isn't on my record. Anyway, this was a big deal because I am the VOICE OF REASON of our little group. When someone has to make a decision or tell someone something they need to hear, I'm always forced to do it (because I used my uterus and they didn't, bitches). Anyway, when I lose all reason, they're so shocked. Sheesh, no one is perfect all the time.
This one time.... at band camp....
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriend and I were driving in her car... there was a young guy wearing a Speedo on the side of the road mowing his lawn. We were gawking. It was not attractive, it was rather shocking. Speedos are really raunchy! Anyway... You know how sometimes when you're driving and looking, your car sort of turns towards what you're looking at? Well, we ended up on his lawn. We quickly peeled out of there, but we laughed until we cried.
Jilly, everybody has used a uterus...
ReplyDeleteBert, but they haven't used MY uterus now have they?
ReplyDelete