Jillians Way

happy bitchday to you

2011-07-06T12:22:00.005-04:00

the 4th is my aunt's birthday. my mom and all of her siblings were all born on holidays. they feel my grandmother did that on purpose so as to never buy a birthday gift or have a party for any of her kids. she was a mean old cuss, so they're probably right. at the annual family 4th crab feast/birthday party for my aunt, my other aunt insisted that it's never a birthday party, it's a BITCHDAY party. my aunt is famous for being a nasty piece of work who frequently makes others (like receptionists, wait staff etc.) cry, and when she drinks she's worse.

my younger sister and i thought that "bitchday" was hysterical and are now planning a joint bitchday party for the end of the month. our birthdays are a week apart and she'll be 25 and I'm turning 30. She's now old enough to be in congress and i'm now old enough to be in the senate, and being july babies, we've discussed a patriotic/election theme of red, white, and blue with bitchday paper goods. I'm not sure what we'll have besides the require cake, crabs, and vodka watermelon, but there's gotta be a pool or body of water because i get hot flashes when i drink, and there's no better reason to get rip roaring drunk than one's 30th bitchday.

back from atlanta and other mundane nonsense

2011-06-17T19:00:00.004-04:00

we got back from our atlanta trip at 9pm on monday night. this week has been spent putting everything back where it goes, getting re-acquainted with MissM, and with the guy finishing out the school year on all fronts.

I liked NC and GA a lot. The people were very friendly and honestly happy to be helpful and the weather was perfect. The day we got to atlanta, I toured centennial olympic park and the underground. We got there in the afternoon/evening, so there wasn't too much for me to do. The first full day I took a self-paced walking civil rights tour of Atl guided by a print-out provided by an online travel site.

I saw Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's childhood home, his church, the new church, the park service memorial and garden, the tomb (awesome!), the center for non-violence, the fire station, bought a snack from the old church's bake sale, visited the dobb's memorial, saw the SCLC center and many other things. I also took a swim by the pool. Many people brought their entire families along on the trip and it was popular for the adults to spend a full 8 hours n the conference whilst leaving their young children unattended at the pool all day. The kids were not bad, but it was crowded, loud, and full of un-watched children, so the one visit to the pool was plenty.

thenext day I took the car out of the valet parking after 45 mins of playing "no that's not my name, no that's not my car, no that's not my car either, no it's a blue car, no we're from Maryland...." Thankfully, I was afraid of complications with the valet parking and with my ability to find my way to the beltway etc., so I'd planed on leaving an hour early for my appointment. After all the fuss, I made it just in time and all was well. After my meeting, I went back to the hotel, changed and went off to the Peachtree MARTA stop to go uptown a bit and see the Margaret Mitchell "House" museum and then walked over to the botanical gardens and piedmont park. I liked the statue "Isobel in the Garden" so much, i bought the post card of it at the gift shop and mailed it to MissM. I also mailed post cards of pitcher plants to my inlaws (they love pitcher plants and irises to my parents (they love irises and have about a hundred bulbs in one tiny patch of the front yard). You can find a picture of "Isobel..." at the Atl botanical gardens website under art. it really is a lovely garden.

It was a nice trip uptown and back to peachtree center to the hotel, and since I went on saturday, there were few people to contend with. I had lunch at peachtree mall and got carry out there for later when my guy was done his day of meetings. I also took time to work out in the gym at the hotel. the hotel had an awesome gym and nice tight men to look at while working out. I don't mind running for an hour if there's a good view. My guy was unable to go out a lot in the evenings due to PhD coursework. Last week was not only his conference, but the last week of his internship. This week he completes the last of his coursework for the PhD and is about to take on Comps. I am so happy for and proud of him. We've been having fun debating his proposal and dissertation topic. He seems happy that i'm one of 8 people in the world who has an interest in his topic.

Sunday am I took care of all the packing, depositing the luggage in to the car and check out. I was ill on Sunday and just getting out of bed took a lot of praying. The hotel kept the car until 5pm w/o extra charge, so we'd planned to walk over to the aquarium and see that before leaving. While waiting for my guy's conference to end, I walked around "america's mart" to look at the window displays and to take a few pics of things I hadn't taken pics of before, like the Suntrust Center etc. I thought walking around would keep me upright, and it helped.

The aquarium is nice. It's very large, they're not kidding that it's the largest. I don't think it's the nicest one I've been in though. They had many large tanks with a small handful of large animals in them, but all-in-all, one can see 95% of the aquarium in about an hour. Other aquariums are smaller, but since there are more tanks, there's more to see. It's worth the nearly $30 a person to get in, but at $1.50 for one banana, I'd skip the "snack bar" and just eat after the tour. We did not visit the "world of coke," CNN, stone mountain, the children's museum, or the zoo, due to time and lack of a small child. If we ever come back and have the kid, we'll do those other things.

The only harsh point of the trip was sitting on 85N for 4 hours trying to drive 4miles from the GA line into SC. A tractor trailer full of gas had exploded halting all travel. I am not sure if the driver survived, but his entire truck, cab and all, was in tiny ribbons all over the road, so it's doubtful. this put us behind schedule to get home and we made it to our hotel in NC at midnight.

The drive from the hotel in NC to home takes about 8 hours, so my guy insisted about 75 times that we leave before 9am when we went to bed. My guy is not a morning person, so when 9am rolled around and I was sitting there waiting for him to roll out of bed, I knew we'd be lucky to make it out of the hotel by 10:30am. We left at 10:38 am. We were both tired of being anywhere but home at this point. We made it to quantico, VA at about 5:20ish and stopped for a meal at a mcD's to wait for the traffic on the DC beltway to die down. It was pretty much an expensive parking lot and neither of us had the ability to tackle it.

I have a lot of pictures to post on FB and some here, but i'm waiting for the big PC to come back from the fix-it shop before i upload.

A few days before we left for Atl, my aunt took me, my mom, her sisters, and her daughter and one of my cousins and his wife to see Kenny Chesney and friends in concert at redskins FedEx field in landover, MD. It was a great show and she's a wonderful lady to take us all and put up with us too boot. I wasn't originally invited, so it's even more special that when one of my other aunts backed out, she thought of me.

oh i also got new glasses last week. I allowed MissM to pick them out. They're a blueish green with butterflies on them. I really didn't care too much what they looked like and she really liked picking, so we had as much fun as you can have picking out glasses. I can't wait for them to come in b/c i'm not supposed to drive at night w/o them.

next week is full of camping in the back yard, going to the doctor with MissM and continuing to pick tomatoes, peppers, strawberries and cheer on the squash. Oh and I think her first piano lesson is next week, if she feels up to it after the doctor apt on wed.

tomorrow my mom and I are having a picnic at a park for my dad for father's day. It'll be them, me, MissM and a few of my cousin's kids to play with missM and we'll probably just get subway and take it to the park. no one felt like doing much of anything, and that's about as low-key as you can get.

angry in the heat

2011-05-29T16:41:00.002-04:00

I am so angry right now I am crying and shaking and want to puke.

My guy has 2 best friends. He asked me if I minded cooking for them on Monday. I said okay. I like them and it's only 2 more people to our family dinner, so what the hey? We're not having a big party nor are we going to one. Again, it's just a family dinner with 2 extra chairs. Okay, that's how it started anyway.

I have a rule that works for ME in regards to my weight loss, so I have to do it. It's simply this: no food comes into my house that I can't eat NOR do I cook food that I can't eat. Sure, in theory, I can eat anything, but I really can't. Chips, sugary drinks, most candy, most processed foods, full fat meats etc. aren't to be found in my house.

In the past 2 years I've been living a very healthy lifestyle and I've had to come to terms with a few truths: Few people support or care to support my weight-loss/maintenance venture. People are happy for you if you lose some weight, but the second you put 5-10lbs on, they're the same people who point out that you're getting fat again with happy faces. These are also the fuckers that point out you're too skinny, you were too fat before etc. They're just miserable. They say they do support you, but they really don't. Next is the truth that I am responsible for me and what I do and do not eat no one else. Cooking as much as possible is a big step in controlling myself. Therefore, I will happily prepare food for anyone who wants to eat, but it's made MY WAY. If I go to another home, I often bring my own food. Again, I am responsible for me.

So, that said, I asked my guy to ask his buddies what they WILL NOT eat and then listed several things I had planned to make. I was told "that's fine, whatever you make is fine."

I am ALWAYS told this, and it's usually a lie.

At Christmas, I made tuna steaks and salmon fillets for half the guests and pork chops for the rest. Guests also had a choice of baked potato or baked sweet potato. Everyone chose what they wanted ahead of time. In the middle of dinner, my guy said "Why don't I have a sweet potato? And, you know, I don't like cooked slamon." WTF? he ASKED FOR AWHOTE POTATO AND SALMON! I felt so sick and ill, as if he'd hit me.

So, this am, I explained that over half the food had been bought for Monday and we're having dry-rubbed pork chops, grilled veg, mixed green salad with feta cheese, baked potatoes, slaw, corn bread, and angel food cake with berries and whipped cream. His response? "Most people don't like pork. We should have something else."

I've been asking this fucker for nearly 2 weeks to call his friends and see if they like pork and he waits until I've spent a small fortune on food to want a change? HELL NO!

We had a shouting match and I went off to church this morning feeling sick, hurt and tired. He later sent me a text message saying sorry, but he didn't mean it.

So, later today, at 4:30ish my brother-in-law twxted me that his guest (whom I didn't invite nor do I know) doesn't like pork and the BIL suggested I go get a steak. I responded "I have pork, if you bring steak I'll cook it." the BIL invited someone to my house w/o really ok-ing it with me and THEN waits to the last minute to want me to change my menu? WTF?

This then opened the door for the Guy to get pissy yet again that I'm not changing my menu for these people. I've had that meat dry rubbed and marinating since lsat night, it's too late to change the menu. the veggies are cut, the slaw is waiting for the dressing and the corn bread is waiting to go into the oven. It's TOO LATE PEOPLE!

My guy told me that I'm an unreasonable person and in the rest of the world, people change what they're going to make based off their guests. You know what? For 2 years I've noticed that no one is willing to buy me a bottle of diet coke or leave the sugar out of the tea EVEN IF I ASK unless it was part of their plan already. So, me, I being my own food or scavenge as best I can. Why? Because my lifestlye is up to me, even when I'm a guest. Especially when I'm a guest.

It's one thing to just buy pork and make it w/o caring, but I did spend the better part of TWO GODDAMNED WEEKS asking people and got 85 responses of "whatever you want." Well, I'm calling it in, it is WHAT I WANT, eat up or get out.

hey, at least it's not cancer, right?

2011-04-28T22:41:00.007-04:00

My dad's doing better. The people at Hopkins were amazing and if I have to go to the hospital in future, I want to go there.

Our week in the midwest was nice. the people were douchebags, which is odd, b/c people in the midwest are usually so nice it's almost painful. I think it's b/c the universities were in session. We also saw some of that crazy tornado action while in the midwest. Glad we've only had tiny little tornadoes here, nothing big enough to really make the news.

In other events, I had to go to a special lady parts doctor (as we've been calling it) and am now on hormones. Like i needed more hormones? I'm already half nuts! One of the side effects of the hormones is randomly rapidly swelling of body parts. I sat with my best female friend and brother in law and we laughed ourselves silly imagining the worst-case scenario of randomly rapidly swelling body parts. Imagine you're just chilling when all of a sudden, your ass cheeks swell randomly and rapidly? We had to lave a good laugh, because I really felt like a cry, or some good old rage. laughing was healthier.

So, I'm on these babies for the next 2 weeks to see if they sort my ovaries out, and if that doesn't do it, we're off to another specialist for more testing and possibly hormone injections/fertility drugs. If that happens, there will be much boo-hooing, whining, and complaining here. Just a warning. Several more relatives of mine are recently knocked up without planning/wanting to be, and me? Yet another year of infertility. I don't know how much more of the baby talk I can suffer though. I try to be nice and happy, but it's damn hard. What's worse, is the sudden silence when I walk into a room and being left out of stuff "for my own good." Bitches.

Hey, at least it's not cancer, right? That's what I was told to say to myself when I started to cry at the Dr's office. I wanted to say "But hey, at least it's not cancer, right" as i bashed the woman's head in with my sandals. How fucking stupid does these people get? I wonder if that rage warning from the hormones applies to just holding the script, not even taking it?

24 hours

2011-04-11T22:39:00.002-04:00

I've been awake roughly 24+ hours. I am hot, tired, filthy, and happy (but still worried).

My dad had heart bypass surgery this today at Hopkins. He's currently in ICU pretty much tied to a bed with a tube down his throat, but he's doing well. In about 2-3 hours, he'll come off the ventilator and by tomorrow night, sitting in a chair. If all keeps going well, then he'll be out of the ICU on Wed and into a recovery room.

The staff at the hospital have been the loveliest people around. The Doctors joked with us about beer in the blood coolers and other such nonsense. It's been very hot since Sunday, after being very cold last week.

When you think of all the crap going on, it's nice to see people who always see crap but STILL take the time to make things easier for people who are all under stress.

My FIL has been an absolute gem and has come up to my house to sit with MissM for 8-9 hour stretches so that I can be there for my parents. She's been awesome in that she's being a good girl.

I hope you NEVER have to see a loved one strapped to a bed on a ventilator, it's scary and shocking.

Many people today took the time to make the day easier for others and that was refreshing. One woman was in the waiting room and her cell phone died. The other families and staff hunted until they found a phone charger for her so she could call her family at the hotel and keep them updated.

People from all over the world go to Hopkins looking (and often finding) and miracle after doctors other places have turned them away or failed them. I am humbled that this operation has been a relatively smooth process.

It was also terribly sad to watch the young children waiting for surgery and procedures. The Peds surgery unit was next to the unit my dad was in. I hope to never have to take my daughter to the Peds unit at any hospital.

Tacky?

2011-03-27T16:55:00.001-04:00

Recently I've been getting a lot of invites to parties and events via facebook and e-mail. We're not talking an e-card or pretty e-invites either. I mean, I've been getting at the most a 3 sentence note "X's birthday is this weekend at B's place. See you at 12pm. He likes superheroes and wears 5T clothing."

I understand people don't have a lot of time/money to send out fancy invitations and the mail system is often cumbersome. However, some part of me feels this e-mail/facebook invite to an event thing is just tacky. These events aren't formal, and there aren't 100's of people coming (like i large charity event), so I personally feel a phone call would best replace the mailed invitation, if mailed invites are not possible. I also understand that some events must be last second (like the "going off to fight in the middle east" parties that I've been to).

I've also noted a trend, that these "facebook invites" (I know, they aren't all facebook, but that's what I'm calling them all b/c I can) are always for events that have been arranged well ahead of time, but the invites themselves are a last second effort (much like the phone call invites seem to be, when I get them). The sender takes the time to plan theme, music, food, decorations, the whole shebang and then 3 days before the event, "Oh, right, the guests! My bad!" I understand that many people are douche bags and don't RSVP, so it's hard to guess numbers, and when hosting a party, numbers are impt but if you WANT people to come, the invite is important, and so is giving people time to arrange attendance. If I'm getting a last seconding invite, i feel a phone call is more personal than 3 sentences and really says "I want you to come for more than your present purchasing power."

Technology can be wonderful, but I'm quickly becoming tired of the laziness and often out-right rudeness that technology seems to breed when it comes to planning social activities. I try to plan appointments, meetings, occasions, activities, and events within a reasonable time-frame, but it seems like the people around me wing everything and rely on technology to forge the gap. It quite often backfires though. Instead of making a general plan of events ahead of time ex: "Okay, I am going to my meeting at 9, I will then go to X's cafe and meet you at 1pmish for lunch and after that, I'll go to the market and meet you back at home for supper at 6pmish." People randomly expect others to be free to see them whenever & where ever and arrange it all 5mins beforehand by rude, loud, public cell phone convos ex: "I'm at the store. do we need chips....?" and then proceed to do this all over the store while running their carts into things and being walking infected hemorrhoids.

Also, people bitch about their kid's cell phone bills, but when I comment that they can easily remove said phone, they bulk "NO, what if I NEED to talk to them or they NEED to talk to me?" Well, the problem isn't you calling them or they calling you, is it? What did parents do before cell phones? THEY PARENTED. As in "after school, come home, do HW, and then you can go to Cindy's house" or "After school, you have practice? You need a ride at 4:30? Okay, I'll be there at 4:30. You gotta come home and get HW done right? Okay then we'll get your sister from Ballet before that." Same cell phone convo, but it's just done ahead of time and not in the milk aisle. PLANNING. Of the convos I'm forced to hear of this sort, 99.9% could have been done in person ahead of time. Few I've ever heard are b/c of last second emergencies. People don't plan and they don't care if their lack of simple planning F-ups the schedule for the rest of us.

I'm terribly afraid this will start to overflow into the business world (although it seems to already have somewhat). A year or so ago I went to the Dr and sat for 45mins waiting for my apt. I finally got up and asked the receptionist for my file, as I noticed the Dr next door wasn't making patients wait 45mins AND pointed out that the sign on her desk stated that "late apts will be fined or re-scheduled w/o care to patient convenience." Really? If I'm late I get a fine and then assigned a random time no matter wtf is going on in my life, but it's okay for the Dr to keep me there for 45 mins? Where's my $25 fine and my apt that's inconvenient for him?

Anyway, rant over. I just wanted to know if you'd gotten any e-invites to parties and if you thought any were tacky?

damn you "blogger"

2011-03-26T09:30:00.002-04:00

blogger won't allow me to post comments. i don't know why and i don't have the time or energy to mess with it right now. i can post at my blog, but not at the comments section of any other blogs.

Zoo Trauma

2011-03-22T23:52:00.004-04:00

Today we went to the Natl Zoo to see the baby lions before they aren't babies anymore. It was sunny, warm and slightly windy. Our party consisted of me, the kid, and the man's parents. We packed our lunch in coolers and parked in the lot near the biggest set of picnic tables (the last lot near the "Barn" or petting zoo, in case you need to know. The man's dad is a FONZ member, so parking is free, and as with all Smithsonian locals, entrance is free.

Ater lunch, the day was going well. Area schools have Spring break in a few weeks yet, so all the other visitors consisted of stay-at-home moms with hers of young children, college students, and tourists from all over the planet. Did i mention it was a nice day? We went to the zoo in April 2010 and it was 95 and gross out, so it was great to have an actual spring this year.

All of a sudden the kid had an accident in her pants and we had to visit the bathroom located near the "mane cafe." There was poop everywhere, it was like she'd rolled in mud. Potty training is hard stuff and as previously mentioned, my kid's got a few extra issues on top of regular potty training issues, so if we only have one pee accident a day, we count it as a success. I take what I can get,or I'd be insane. It doesn't help that all the other women with kids the age of mine or slightly younger brag that theirs are already night trained and day training "only took a day." Lying bitches.

Anyway, so there I am, wrist deep nasty runny in poopy at the zoo when a herd of VERY, VERY LARGE DOUGHY PALE people (picture small cow sized dumplings) rush in. It was a grand mom, daughter, and 4 youngins'. I had nothing against the people at first, UNTIL youngin' #2 started the laughing, pointing, staring, questioning and harassing of me and my kid. "Why doesn't your kid go in the toilet like everyone else?" and "doesn't she know you're not supposed to go in your pants?" with the ever helpful "that's just disgusting. she's disgusting. Do NOT put those pants in your bag!" On and on it wwent. MissM was in tears sobbing "I'm sorry Mommy. I tried" among other things. I'm going to point out here, I was minding my own trying to do damage control and had been awesomely putting up with the mentally ill/dementia suffering MIL with a 3yo and agoraphobic FIL all over the zoo. I am a trooper but I was about to snap here. I looked up at the kid, noticed her twin sibling, other siblings, mother and g-mom just standing there egging the kid on into new heights of rudeness. These people were from Germany or somewhere where German is the native tongue BTW. People say we Americans are rude assholes, but we've got nothing on these jackoffs.

I'm going to note something else here. I support a charity for families of people with Autism and I was wearing my Autism hat at the zoo. It's my fav hat b/c it's comfy but not heavy or hot, and it's cute. I often forget I'm wearing it when I have it on or what it says until someone does something to remind me. When I wear this hat, people assume my kid has Autism and often follow me around trying to figure out if my kid's defective. When my kid has a temper tantrum, people point at my hat, then the kid and shrug to say "Oh, that explains it!" People even strike up convos with me to share battle stories about our Autistic kids etc.

Generally, I don't care if people assume my kid has Autism or not, nor do I care if they play the "let's see if she behaves funny" game with my kid either, b/c it makes me laugh. People are that messed up. It is ironic to note that my kid does have a disability, not Autism though, that few people would know about unless they've taken classes in developmental issues and then spent time watching my kid with her peers. My kid can "pass," well, until you ask her to do things she should be doing specific to her age, like pooping on a toilet more often than not or self feeding. So, in a small way, people who do look at my hat and then watch my kid to play the "wtf is wrong with her?" game, are actually right, my kid isn't exactly like most of the kids her age and if there were a hat in support of kids with her issue, I'd probably wear it proudly.

So back to the bathroom. After a few previous offers of assistance/nosy questions had been fronted, everyone in that bathroom was operating under the assumption that my kid had Autism and several people looked sick that these fat German bastards were picking on my developmentally disabled kid for being developmentally disabled. Since my kid is developmentally disabled (again not Autism, but still DD), I was horrified that these assholes thought it was appropriate to attack my 3yo.

I didn't result to violence, and I sort-of blacked out about that time, but it wasn't pretty.

After I got the kid cleaned and out of the bathrrom and calmed down, we found the in-laws, explained the situation and the MIL was lucid enough to calm ME down while the FIL took MissM to look at panda bears. It's been at least 9 hours and I am SILL PISSED. Every time we saw those mofos around the zoo, I wanted to make a scene, but I didn't, b/c MissM had been traumatized enough.

this was he first time someone has picked on her b/c she's different and I'm not sure who it hurt the most, me or her.

Dear Cheese Heads:

2011-03-03T23:23:00.002-05:00

Please hang in there. The rest of us in the nation are counting on you to fight this fight for us. If you cave, we have NO CHANCE.

I grow tired of all these "greedy" teacher protests. Every 2 weeks $250 is taken out of my guy's paycheck, as it was when I used to work. My pension was paid for by ME, not the gov't. Before I left, things were starting to get bad. We were taking pension cuts, pay cuts, talks of furloughs, benefits cuts, paying more for medical benefits all VOLUNTARY. This happened about 20 years ago, and they promised that when the economy recovered, the state employees would be comped for the pension cuts/steps that has been lost. They lied.

This is one of the reasons I was happy to leave when I did. We weren't asking for a lot, and we were giving up many things without complaint. But right now, anyone with enough time is retiring and they're not replacing them. Teachers are teaching out-of-subject, and more than 3 preps, which is against contract. They aren't hiring people to replace the retirees, so class sizes are swelling. Obama is ending the terrible NCLBA from Bush, but he's got his own plan and it's just as convoluted and UNFUNDED as NCLB was, except it's almost worst b/c states are worse than broke and really can't afford to change the system again so soon. On Fox etc. they bitch that teachers only work 9 months. I'm here to say BULLSHIT to that. I don't know one educator that does not have at least 2 jobs. Here's another truth, a lot of the people complaining about "lazy teachers" wouldn't last a day with 180 kids, Hell, they can't stand to last 3 with their own.

When did common people working hard become the enemy? It's sad when pundits/people tout that some person on wall street deserves $300,000 a year but someone making $50,000 is greedy so they don't. WTF? I don't care who you are, if you make more than $100,000 in the US right now, YOU ARE RICH. You're not bad, but you're rich compared to 85% of the nation. That's reality.

You know, I LIKE services like trash pick up and snow plowing. I like it when all 300 desks at the motor vehicles are manned with people who have more than 3 functioning brain cells. Usually there are 300 desks, 2 workers, and 1 brain cell shared when I go into the MVA. I have no problems paying taxes to man the desk at the MVA, for snow plowers, for trash pick up, and yes FOR TEACHERS too.

These people work hard, are decent human beings, and they PAY for their retirements. Let the people retire before they die at their jobs and give them a bit of respect. Even if you don't respect someone who doesn't make $300,000 a year on Wall Street, you need to realize that you can only beat a dog so much before it lashes out at you and bites back. It's dangerous to consistently attack that many people, it leads to BAD, BAD things socially. Seriously, pick up a few history books. Then again, if you could read a history book, you'd be thanking a teacher instead of attacking them.

good people, bad mom?

2011-01-20T21:50:00.004-05:00

MissM loves school buses. I don't know why. She got a toy bus that she hauls around everywhere and clings to in the car. I took her on a metro bus and one would have thought we went on a trip to the moon with how happy she was. Her best pal at day care gets to ride the school bus 2 times a day to go to half-day pre-k. He hates it b/c he's naughty at school, but he LOVES coming home and telling MissM all about the bus. My guy has a pal who drives a bus in the next county over. He said he'd take MissM on a ride on a half-day b/c he'd have a window of time. So, this am we got up extra early and went to meet Mr.M. at his bus and take a ride. He gave us a tour of the bus and explained all the lights and buttons etc. We then went on a ride in the front seat and after a spell, Mr.M. had us move to the farthest seat back to go over a series of speed bumps. When the bus went over the bumps, we flew up into the air about 18". MissM loved every second of it. She's been ill this week and it probably wasn't the best decision to wake a sleeping sick kid up early and take her out in the cold without breakfast to go ride a bus, but it was worth every second of it to see her smile and hear her laugh like crazy.

Later in the day we were at Walmart getting some things when MissM asked for a coloring book. She's getting better at coloring and likes the $1 books and rarely asks for something, so I got her one. I couldn't remember if we had crayons in the car, so I picked up a 3pack of 2 sided chubbies. These are neat crayons. There's a different color on each end and they're extra fat. MissM loves these crayons. I couldn't find a bar code, so I felt nervous about getting them. As a compromise, I picked up a 16pk of thick crayons (thicker than the small but not as thick as the chubbies) and we went off to check out. Well, as feared, the cashier couldn't sell me the 3pk of the crayons MissM likes and we had to get the 16pk of the less favored crayons. Another woman went back to check out this mysterious stack of crayons without bar codes and later stopped us on the way out the door. Apparently the 3pk was supposed to be attached to a coloring book and sold as a set. Someone removed all the crayons and left them in the aisle and then bought all the books. The woman wasn't technically allowed to sell us the crayons, but since someone else already paid for them, she gave us the 3pk for free. That just completed MissM's day. That woman didn't have to be so nice, and she was.

I am often surprised at how nice people are to my daughter and they really restore my faith and hope in humanity.

hottlanta

2011-01-17T17:31:00.004-05:00

i'm going to atlanta in june b/c my guy has to go and i want to go somewhere warm damnit. if we fly, it'll be just the two of us, but if we drive, we'll bring the kid.

I want to see/plan to see:
the aquarium
the botanical gardens
stone mountain

if i have time:
Martin Luther king jr's house etc.
the Carter museum
the kid's museum (if we bring the kid)

there's also a tour of CNN and Coke which seem like good emergency back-up plans like if it rains the day i want to go to the botanical garden.

we're staying at a nice hotel that's near the aquarium, so i know that's a done deal.
There's also a kangaroo breeding place that looks good for the kid. The Columbus zoo has a herd of kangaroos that MissM loved. they're in a giant walled in and covered garden there and you walk around amongst them. MissM asked a zookeeper if she could ride a kangaroo and he got very pissy . WTf does he expect out of a 3yo anyway?

this is the bright spot on my horizon as my sister and her kids are moving to St Louis soon and I won't see my niece or nephew for a very long time. This winter has sucked ass so far oh god and we're just starting TAX SEASON.

repost: dec 2010 in pics

2010-12-28T10:11:00.008-05:00

In no apparent order:
dragon mom and baby at a walk-through garden light show (MissM's favorite display)
mandolin eating a salad for lunch after church (she's telling me about Jonah having messages for EVERYONE!)
a scarf for one of the ladies at chick-fil-a (she loved it)
bird we saw on a walk (we kept seeing this guy, so maybe he's moved in for good?)
2 bunny blankets 5 baby mermaids and 2 footballs fr the day care kids (they loved it all)
rudolph the red-nosed reindeer gift bags full of the toys for day care (it came out cute)
Gusgus in a gift bag (death wishes!)
MissM in the snow (Apparently snow feels like kisses)
a blue kindle cover for my sister's little kindle (she LOVED it)
an oatmeal flecked kindle cover for my dad's large kindle (he loved it)
MissM's new big girl bed and big girl bed sheets and quilt she got for christmas (did you know that pink ballerinas are THE BEST?)

done.

2010-12-18T19:50:00.004-05:00

i'm done. today i got it together enough to complete the shopping and wrap almost all of it. my b-i-l took the tape and paper or i'd be 100% done. I finished making the toys for MissM's daycare party on thursday. I made 5 mermaids, 4 bunny blankets and 2 footballs plus gift bags. One of the bunny blankets and one mermaid were for friends who don't attend the same daycare, but they were on the list. I am in the middle of one kindle cover and thinking about the second. I still need to make 3 prayer shawls, but those will come in 2011. some woman offered me $40 for a baby blanket and then asked for a second (also $40) and $30 for 2 bunny blankets +materials. I just don't feel up to a baby blanket project right now. Tuesday night we're going to take MissM to the light show at the national zoo, i hope i survive it. people in masses get on my nerves at the best of times, but christmas time+my loss+cold+in-laws=disaster. my favorite purchase was buying and then printing an amazon kindle gift certificate for my dad. It took 3 seconds and no real effort from me. amen. MissM did a good job at the advent show at church and will repeat the performance christmas eve. i'm trying to find someone to go with me. i don't have the strength to go alone. one of my best female friends at church is very pregnant and i'm happy for her, but i'm so sad for me. on the 26th i'm supposed to load me and the kid into the van and drive to western md to visit family. the thought of it makes me tired and depressed. i wanted to meet up on the 1st at a restaurant half-way, but they rarely consider what i want. i gave the cards to my guy to mail. if you got one, i'm glad. if you didn't, it's his fault and you should send him vibes to get stamps.

i was in lane bryant earlier getting a gift card for my sister and the cashier was rude to me. i didn't have the energy to call her on it. i explained i wanted a gift card for my sister. she said she thought i was making a credit card payment because i didn't have any items. i was a little shocked that she thought i was there to buy for me, since i'm clearly too small for the store. i stated that i'd lost over 90lbs and that at a size 4, lane bryant just isn't for me, even if the clothing is pretty. she asked if i wanted to get coupons in the mail. that's how my entire week has been since sunday. i think i've had enough and this cloud of misery needs to float on away.

this is how charlie brown feels

lost

2010-12-13T09:31:00.002-05:00

i had a miscarriage at 6:30 this morning. i'm having one of the worst days of my life and i just want to crawl into a hole and cry and i can't because i have to choke back my sobs and try to smile and play with my daughter instead. someone has to fix breakfast, fold laundry and go to the store. i want to pretend christmas isn't coming this year too, but that's something else i'll have to sit though and insist that i'm fine, when i'm not. we didn't tell anyone, it was a christmas surprise.

crappy music

2010-12-09T09:57:00.002-05:00

You ever been on hold so long that you forgot what you were holding for when you finally got through? Yeah, I hate that too. I'd hang up, but it's actually important. I'm on hold with the Dr. trying to get an apt. This is why people give up and go to the ER.

Update:
I talked to the receptionist for 12 seconds before being put back on hold for another 3 minutes, but after that I got an apt for the 17th, so apparently I was right and i do need to see the Dr. but not that badly.

I Rock!

2010-12-04T22:57:00.000-05:00

I fixed the dishwasher all by myself tonight.

recent times in pics

2010-11-06T20:46:00.010-04:00

i haven't had much to say recently. I've been busy doing promised volunteer projects. my circle is hosting breakfast for the woman's shelter we support, so I agreed to buy 3-4 containers of juice and 3lbs of turkey breakfast sausage and give a small donation. I've also been committed to filling 3 shoe boxes with small trinkets and hard candy for children in haiti, so they can have a christmas. I promised another group at church that i'd make some small craft items for the christmas sale table to support overseas missions, so tonight i finished that obligation up. I made 5 shawl pins and rummaged though my "give away" scarf pile and pulled several out to toss in. They wanted people to complete half-done projects and donate those, not go out and buy new stuff to make a new project.

This week I've completed:
a wrap done in wheat with a gold shimmer (here's a pic partially done & completed)
a single cable crochet scarf for the FIL for x-mas (the cable is hard to see b/c the yarn is light)
a double cable crochet scarf for the lady who cleans the lobby at chick fila (she's always VERY nice to us. We got someone to translate for us and had a nice conversation one day about making things and she told me she likes pink, so I made her this. It's got pretty gold buttons on it too!)
I also made a handful of scarves for our church mitten tree. One lady does the hats and mittens (she's a massive knitter) and I said I'd knock out some matching scarves b/c scarves are fast and easy.

There's also a pic of Mandolin's pumpkin, of mandolin (the fairy) with her BFF (the princess) at the friend's halloween party/trick or treat date. the BFF's g-mom was a pattern writer for mccalls, so that's a professional home-made costume. I loved how the girls rocked halloween old-school home-made style but looked good doing it.

I think that's about everything that's new. I'm making another scarf for a different lady who works at chick fila that's nice to us. She used to crochet and told my friend and i (we go there to crochet while MissM plays) that having us there in the lobby attracts people and is good for business as well as the overall environment. I am also starting another shawl, this one as a christmas present for the MIL.

I am almost done my x-mas shopping but i know what everyone is getting. I need to make 4 bunny rabbit blankets (as seen a few posts ago), 4 mermaids (my own pattern), one robot, and one airplane for the kids at MissM's day care and then I'll be done all my x-mas projects. easily do-able.

minding my own business

2010-10-19T22:23:00.003-04:00

I don't know how Orbie does it, but she's my HERO.

Several weeks ago a woman approached me about making something for her. We talked about price etc. and struck a deal and exchanged info. I spent the time making the item (a fashion shawl and then a shawl pin to go with). When I was done making the items, I e-mailed her about arranging pick-up and payment. She's since fallen off the earth. This irks me. Why go to the trouble of arranging for someone to spend 10-12 hours making you something (not to mention the expense of materials) if you're not going to follow through? The price wasn't a lot of money considering the item and the wait wasn't long, about 7-8 days. When something like this happens, it makes me want to quit making stuff for money.

People have urged me to set up a website and online portfolio where people commission me for work instead of me making random items and selling them. Fine, but where's the incentive if people are going to renege? My guy has urged me to forget this woman and just sell her shawl and pin online for the same price or more than she was willing to pay to the first person who wants it. Also, I have other customers who haven't backed out etc., so it's not like all faith is lost, but really! Sometimes people suck.

I'm really thinking about setting up private lessons/small classes teaching crochet to people. If you were to take a crochet class at JoAnne's or Michael's, you'd pay anywhere from $30-$50 for one 3hr session or 2 3hr sessions with a group of strangers and learn basic skills like single/half double/double crochet in rows and in rounds as well as rocking the eer traditional granny square. You probably wouldn't complete a project, just get it started with instructions on how to finish it. I know the teacher doesn't get to keep all that money, but seriously, I could do that one-on-one (always the BEST way to learn) for less money than they're asking customers to pay and toss in a few more sessions and help the person complete the whole project. Plus, I'd get to keep the money and not pay out a portion to the craft store.

I found a "class" where one becomes "certified" by the yarn craft council/crochet guild of america to teach people to crochet. You really just complete some assignments, go through an interview or two and are then given the OK to market yourself to the major chain stores as a teacher for the low price of $150. I could do this and probably pretty fast, since I've already been teaching people and making expert grade projects. Heck, I know how to teach people all kinds of crazy junk according to the state I live in, I just choose not to... so why not this?

Anyway, I've been thinking of what it would take to start my own official commission based business (you know, with a website and business cards etc.) and or offering private lessons/small classes.

Oh, this is a pic of a shawl i made similar to the one that's for sale. The for sale one is the same as this one, but it isn't as wide (top to bottom) as this one. It's about 4" thinner. I made this one for me because I'm always cold, so I wanted a huge shawl I can bundle up in. The woman wanted one like mine, but more of a "fashion" item, rather than one to keep warm, so I made it smaller.

grassroots

2010-10-14T15:44:00.003-04:00

I got an e-mail that made me think of a conversation I once had with Verb about religion.

I belong to the united methodist church (UMC). Since the 1970s, the UMC has had a stand on homosexuality that's, in my opinion, very split or outright hypocritical. They're trying to appease everyone but really alienating most (again my opinion). The UMC policy on homosexuals is as follows: homosexuals can be members of the church without discrimination (the UMC "open door" policy has been widly publicized) but homosexuals cannot hold leadership positions, become ministers of the church, or be married in the church. Any ministers found officiating a gay marriage are subject to disciplinary action from the national UMC.

A church in our conference (the Baltimore-Washington conference) has recently held a vote and stated that they're going to allow gay marriage in their church in response to the federal marriage equity act from march 2010. Bishop Schol (the bishop in charge of the B-W conference of UMC) released a statement to all members about this action. He was there for the vote and is ripped up over it. He out-right said in his letter that these are troubled times and hinted at a major confrontation coming in the future. It won't be the first, or the last, but when there's a big conflict in the UMC, the UMC usually splits and divides creating a new church (the UMC has a very long and interesting history of this).

I personally do not understand how the church's standpoint of "open doors" is considered "open" and "tolerant" because at the same time the doors are open, the Book of Discipline (the rule book of the UMC church) allows for discrimination based on sexual orientation. Telling someone "you can come to the church, but you can't really participate" is like telling an athlete that they made the team, but they don't get to play, EVER. People who are against homosexuality lose out because the church bars discrimination against homosexuals who wish to attend, but then the homosexuals lose out because they can't really do anything in the church beyond attending. I know that's part of compromise, but shouldn't a compromise at least attempt to serve the population? No one is really being served by the current standard. It's a cop-out, really a way of saying "we'll let other people deal with it in the future." Well, it's the future.

I understand that there's a lot of gray, and they're trying to make everyone happy. But guess what? I was in first grade when I REALLY figured out that you can't make everyone happy. We were having inside recess because of rain and that meant games in the room. We could play a class-wide game, like seven-up, or play board games. There was a vote and we ended up playing a class-wide game. Some will win and some will lose, that's life.

I think the UMC has done a disservice by ignoring this fact. I have a friend who was about to complete his master's of divinity at wesley in DC and wanted to go through the ordination process. he had a good job as a seondary minister at a church we attended. Many of us knew about his homosexuality, and we didn't care. He was a good man and was good at his job. The fact that he'd had a male partner for almost 15 years didn't hamper his understanding or ability to do the job. At some point (i'm not sure of the whole story, as I wasn't attending that church at the time it all went down) his homosexuality became known and he was stripped of his job at the church and black-listed form further employment. He has since completed the master's of divinity and is now working on his PhD, but has left the UMC to go to another protestant church. His new church has been given a gift in the form of his talents and calling and the UMC made a big error when they alienated him. (again, all my opinion).

Individual churches are now making a stand against the regional and national UMC and after enough of it builds up, things will change. I hope it all remains peaceful, but I think that the book of discipline will have to be addressed soon and if the church has to split, so-be-it. Our church should serve us while serving the Lord. There are few rules attached to christianity, but the ones that are there are firm. We're not to judge others, we're to love them more than we love ourselves and we're supposed to love the Lord more than we love ourselves. I don't think that the UMC rules allow us to follow the Lord's rules. Jesus didn't tell us to love the people we think that the Lord wants us to love, he said we need to love everyone, especially the people that are marginalized by society. So, while I was sad during Bishop Schol's letter, I was happy too, because change is blowing in the wind, and that means there's an opportunity for us all to do what we should have been doing.

my place

2010-10-04T20:33:00.002-04:00

so tonight i went to my monday night prayer shawl group and most of us showed up, but our fearless leader had something else to do. We thought about where we could go (since her office was out of the question) and I said "you know that room upstairs, the pretty blue one with the lovely couches? I like that room." the other women looked at me and their faces lit up. We'd found our spot.

this room was decorated by someone with a lot of good taste and talent. She took all the donated stuff at the church and painted, re-finished, re-covered and just re-did it all to create a beautiful peaceful parlor for all the women's circles to meet in. The room is mostly white with shades of blue scattered about and it's the room i'd have if someone said "what would you like jilly?"

It's got 2 sofas, a love seat, two squishy chairs, a small piano, end tables and a lovely coffee table. There are mirrors on the walls that were tiled to match the tiled table. The flower arrangements and drapes are subtle and tasteful. It's not at all like being in a doctor's office or hotel. It's like being in your own home when you're in this room. We had a great time in it and the other women cofessed that they too felt like they were home in this room. I thought they'd make fun of me for liking this room so much, but they didn't, they understood.

i dream of having a room like this in my own home. A room where I can just go and sit and crochet, maybe have a fire in the fireplace and just let all the junk go. a family room/living room/den has never been that for me. I'm not a big TV fan and would rather listen to music or the radio than watch TV, but i do like listening to documentaries while crocheting if the TV must be on. i like the sound of silence, and i like order. Very little in my house is ordered or silent currently, and it's not from my lack of trying.

if i could, i'd take pictures of this room and put them aside for one day, when my house is nearly empty, so i can have my room. for today, i'll just have to borrow the one at the church and hare it with all the other women who want a room too and hope to find the woman who made that room and thank her, because it's looking like it'll be years before i can have my own place here.

pictures and boring details

2010-09-27T14:01:00.008-04:00

Here's some pictures in any order.

Mandolin's halloween costume I made for her. It's fairy wings (i dyed the thread to crochet with), a wand, and a dress. The dress is will so she has an undershirt on to keep it from itching. I needed size 2 thread and the only size 2 i could find was wool.

The dress pattern called for 5 balls and I only needed 2 and couldn't return them. I paired the wool with some simply soft in bone and made this shawl for myself called "mother of the bride" a free some from lions brand.

I also took left-over yarn and made 2 shawl pins. I bought a $20 shawl pin for myself a few years back from a free-trade org, but MissM broke it. It was beautiful but fragile. I walked around Walmart and found some items that were good for shawl pin making and bought them ($5 worth) and made a few. People ave approached me about making them for money. I am going to donate a few to the church holiday craft sale.

The blue shawl is my latest prayer shawl. I didn't have enough blue, so I put in some white stripes. When the border is on and all the ends are tucked in, it'll look nice.

The rabbit is my recent project for church. In jan, we have a baby sunday and every baby born the previous year is given a gift. LAst year they made these and they were a big hit. The elderly ladies each knitted 1-2 of them and HATED it. When you knit it, it's all knitted in one piece. I found the crochet pattern at lionsbrand and set about doing one. It took me about 1.5-2 hours and was easy-peasy. I said i'd do 5, but I might give in and do 10. I bought 2 5oz skeins thinking i'd get 3 blankies and I got 1 blankie in at 2 oz, meaning i might make all 5 in this yellow/blue. If i go back and get the purple/green then i could try and do 5 in those. we'll see. This is a small buddie at 18" ear tip to tail.

I have also been commissioned to make another "mother of the bride" shawl identical to the one i made myself for some money and i need to make a hippo for some money. I'm going to start the shawl this week and the hippo next so i can plan my christmas shopping for missM and my guy. I like to get it out of the way early so I don't have to bother with anything.

I've also offered to make something in trade for a sweing project i want but don't know how to make myself, so that'll take some time. So, if you've evere wondered what a non-desperate housewife does when she isn't watching kids, cleaning, cooking or shopping: that's it!

Normal, well according to the BMI

2010-09-24T22:30:00.002-04:00

I got weighed today and found out that I weigh exactly 154 lbs, which at 5'6" tall means my BMI is 24.9 making me a NORMAL weight and roughly 9lbs from the end goal I set myself at the beginning of weight loss. I felt happy and sorta silly too. It's nice to say "Hello, I'm NORMAL" but really, does it matter? Fireworks didn't go off, no one around me noticed that I'm "normal" now. They saw the same me they see every day. But I like the idea of going to the dr and not being tolld "well, you could lose 5 lbs" or anything like that.

During this past year or so that I've been working on weight loss, I've given myself little treats when I hit specific goals. I'd get a pedicure or a new workout DVD or outfit for # and non # goals to celebrate making progress. Sometimes a # victory isn't as important as fitting into something that didn't fit before, or getting hit on when you weren't expecting it and should be celebrated too. The silliest thing I celebrated was when my official weight was LESS than what my driver's license stated it was, especially since I didn't lie on my DL when I had it renewed.

Someone recently asked me what I was going to do for THE BIG V and I had no idea. I'll probably hit the big one sometimes during the Thanksgiving/Christmas season and that being the case, I decided that for every pound I lost I will donate one pound of food to my local food bank. I'm not going to donate the food no one wants either, but the same type of food that I eat and that is good, like brown rice, legumes, pasta sauce, chicken broth etc. I talked to my guy about it, and he thought that was a good idea to celebrate. I could buy myself a nice gift or take a small trip, but I've done a lot for myself (especially losing weight) and it's time I did a little something for the people around me that need a little something. My sister told me to adopt a family for Thansgiving and go talk to them and tell them why I'm donating a meal, but I don't know if I want to be THAT hands on.

volunteering and shots

2010-09-09T20:34:00.002-04:00

I had shots the other day, a D-TAP and pneumonia shot. My arm is hot and swollen and itches like hell but hurts so bad I can't lift it. All of the joints in my body ache and my neck is now stiff, as if I slept on it wrong. I also have a low grade fever BUT I've got the chills and a killer headache and severe fatigue. Earlier I sat and looked at my daughter's bedroom door and then almost cried at the though of lifting her onto her table to change her for bed and then lifting her into bed. The take-home info sheetr on the shots lists all of these things as possible side effects from the minor to moderate category, so I'm not worried, I'm just miserable.

I have signed up to work sunday school once a month for the 2yo class and I'm looking forward to it. I also joined the prayer shawl group at church and even though the other members are all in their 80s, they're a snappy bunch and we laugh a lot and I like them. Once I've been around longer, I'm going to introduce the idea of teaming up with the youth group to pass the talent on. There are over 100 teens at the church, some might want to learn.

MissM is about to turn 3 and I'm excited about it. She can tell you that she's 3 and hold up 3 fingers (Well, she put up 4 fingers and then uses her other hand to hold the 4th finger down and show you 3).

I went to the Dr the other day, a new doctor near where I live, and she was very nice. She tested my strength and said "You're VERY strong, I wouldn't expect it because you're so small" I snorted like Emma! That's when I pulled out my driver's license and showed her my 57 weeks ago and told her how much weight i've lost. People usually act like I've parted the red sea when I disclose my weight loss. I have several new friends who wouldn't know at all if I didn't tell them. I never wanted to say anything to my new friends, because why should it matter? But, at prayer shawl meeting, some of the ladies teased me for not eating the food and one made a half joking comment about "oh the new girl turned her nose up at the candy!" I chose to see it as a joke, but just in case, i whipped out the trusty driver's license and told them about my weight loss. They forgave my passing on the food and promised to not be food pushers in the future.

I am half-done my prayer shawl and i think I may need to make it bigger. We work with all donated patterns and yarns, so most of the yarn is the ugliest stuff you'll EVER see and many of the patterns are from the 1970s and before. Many of them look like a bad acid trip with vrey bright and od color combinations and tripped out models in weird poses smiling like they're demented. It took me a bit to find the least obnoxious yarn and pattern I could. Most of the donated yarn, besides being vomit colored, comes without a wrapper listing brand name, weight, dye lot, and type. Anyone who's ever looked at paint chips knows that white isn't always white. Therefore, unless someone donates a solid pound-1.5lbs of the same yarn, there's little that can be done with random skeins, unless we find a granny square shawl pattern.

One woman makes children's hats and her BFF makes mittens to match, so that gets rid of a lot of the odds-and-ends yarn and another woman makes chemo hats, so that helps too, but the rest of us are making lapgans, baby blankets, and shawls.

I completed another round baby blanket in golden yellow, creme, and light purple and i'll post pics. I've also started a baby blanket in tunisian blocks of white, chocolate and sky blue. I will then cross stitch the alphabet and numbers on the "wrong" side.

I completed a fall fashion scarf and a tunisian scarf in shades of blue with a "wave" border. And I am done MissM's fairy dress and am in the process of assembling the wings. I used a 20 gaguge wire and it wasn't strong enough and the wings collapsed, so I went back and got 12 gauge. I'll post pics of these projects as a) they're completed or b) I have time to take and post.

I've been busy trying not to collapse in bed for the past few days and trying to plan the birthday party.

they're collecting small finished hand-crafts to sell after/during church during the christmas season and the intent is to donate that money to a school out west. I have a few scarves and odds and ends to put in the pile. I asked the PS ladies if they'd be donating and most said no. I don't know how they don't have several little projects that just sit around waiting for a home, but I have a hard time getting rid of this stuff as it is!

That's it for me really. My arm huts and it's 9, so I can justify going to bed. Have a nice week everyone.

how 'bout them dinosaurs?

2010-08-29T00:13:00.007-04:00

we went to the smithsonian natural history museum last monday because missM wated to see dinosaurs. she LOVED the metro train ride, liked the walk from the smithsonian metro stop to the museum, really LOVED the museum, liked the lunch at the cafe and had a blast on the mall carousel. She didn't really cry or fuss once and used the big girl potty in the big girl bathroom 4 times throughout the day. I only used 2 pullups from we waking to sleeping time. that's progress!

after we got back to MD we went to baskinrobbins and she got a treat and then later went to boston market for supper, which she loves. so it was a good day. i like boston market's soup and right now, they give you unlimited free refills on soup there, so it's a decent bargin.

i've been laid up with asthma attacks and migraine combos that leave me drained and depressed. last week i got it together enough one day to make eggplant parm and spaghetti squash spaghetti pie as well as 2 veggie side dishes so we could just reheat food all week when the urge hit. the week before i made sloppy joes with half the meat. i used 1/2lb 97% turkey and then shredded a zucchini into pan with the meat and added the packet of seasoning, only a small bit of water and the tomato paste and it turned out good. MissM loved it and I was shocked because she a) hates ground meat of any sort (beef, turkey, pork, chicken etc. she hates all of it) and she isn't a big squash fan. the kid loves raw carrots though. So the week before last, we ate a lot of "sloppy" joes with veggie soup and carrot sticks.

i think i'm going to make "oven fried" chicken and more spaghetti squash spaghetti pie to eat this week with a spinach and orzo side dish and re-make one of the veg side dishes from last week. the ragweed is rearing its ugly head and these are the times i just want to move somewhere else.

we started at a new church and they don't have nursery care during the 9:30am service. the 8:30 is too early and I can't try the 11 for a few more weeks and the 7pm is just too late. there's a nice woman who sits behind us who mandolin relly likes. half through the service, missM will get up and go sit on her lap. The woman is of granmother age, so she's highly indulgent and i don't feel too bad. she didn't send MissM away the first time missM sought her out, so MissM keeps going back. we'll see how it goes tomorrow. this church has a co-op preschool instead of a egular private school i'm used to, so i'm thinking of looking into that. if i did a day or two at the pre-op, that generally allows the kid to attend the rest of the week, allowing me to seek out a pt job at a craft store or teaching crochet or something. who knows? it's worth looking into.

here are some smithsonian pics.
in any given order:
*mandolin loving the metro train
*us in the mammal room (2 shots) [I AM ALWAYS COLD, EVEN IN AUGUST IN A CROWD!]
*The orkin insect zoo, it's funny they paid for it.

I just don't understand

2010-08-15T02:23:00.002-04:00

This is a story about my sister. She works hard, but doesn't make enough to provide everything her kids need so she's on food stamps. Fine. She needs help and we live in a society where some help is provided (usually not enough, but that's another issue). I don't look down on her because I'm a decent human being. She works 50+ hours a week to provide what she can. While I dislike her husband, I don't hate him and often feel bad for him. He's a type 1 diabetic with many health issues related to it.

I think part of the problem is that for years they insisted he's a type 2 before he got sick enough to almost die and then they ran a few extra tests and said "golly gee, you're a type 1, our bad." You can't treat the two diseases the same, because they aren't, they're quite different. His health is pretty bad right now. He cannot feel his legs, stand for more than 25 mins and he's probably going to lose his foot soon. He needs one vial of insulin a month and it's $75 a vial AFTER insurance. They can't afford that and so he hasn't been taking it. My heart hurts for them. One shouldn't have to choose between feeding and clothing their children, paying rent, or getting vital medication. Today his blood sugar was 405. I am not sure how he was awake and talking and not in a coma.

While the situation is terrible, what REALLY GETS ME is that these people out-and-out RANT about "those people on welfare" and vote republican. In fact, they're volunteers for the republican governor candidate. They love watching Red Eye and Glen Beck, and listen to Rush (although they HATE oreilly). My sister brags about boycotting various restaurants that supports pro life and other heathen morals (although she hasn't seen the inside of a church in almost a decade). I don't understand how people who are literally living because of welfare despise "those people" on welfare and vote for people who want to eliminate welfare.

It makes no sense to me. This is why I think it MUST be an issue of racisim. Anytime someone has any sort of conversation about "those people" they're usually talking about someone who isn't white, well-to-do, or of a religion that's approved of by people who are white, well-to-do, or of a specific religion. The comments attached to the loathing of "those people on welfare" leads me to believe that they're really just talking about the "Danisha's" supposedly living in the ghetto with 4 kids by 4 different baby-daddies who have fancy cars and expensive clothing while getting a welfare check or two a month.

Look, I live 4 blocks from one of the worst ghettos on the East Coast and I've never seen someone making bank off of welfare, and we all shop at the same A&P, even on the first of the month (I try to avoid the store that week if I can, but it's not always possible). I can honestly say that the people I see with food stamp cards tend to be people who are dressed as if they work at least one menial job, work very hard, and try to do the best they can by their kids. I never see crab legs, steak, or any other outrageous items on the belts of the people with the independance cards at my A&P, like the welfare reformists insist is a common occurance. I can't say it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that I've never seen it happen. I mostly see people who are trying like hell to make it, like everyone else.

I also know that being a parent sucks when your kids want things and you can't provide them. Sure, no one NEEDS expensive shoes or an MP3 player, but most kids wish for them, especially at Christmas time and birthdays and it's horrible to say "No, you can't have that because we're poor." My niece had a birthday recently and she only asked for one thing: A store-bought birthday cake, the one with the REAL BARBIE in it, not juse the top half. My sister got her that cake, and it was probably around $40, but that's all the kid wanted. And that's about all she got from her parents. Over the years, I've learned not to ask the kids what they want because they'll say the most heart-breaking things like "we're not having birthdays this year because we're poor." I always get them something, but I know that has to piss my sister off because she can't provide for them, but here comes her uppity bitch sister showing her up and getting the kids gifts.

I hope my daughter never tells me "I can't have a birthday this year because we're poor."

what i've been doing

2010-08-08T12:07:00.006-04:00

i've made this round blanket for my guy's great aunt and uncles first great grand child. It's due around valentine's day, but i like to get everything out of the way ahead of time. I picked a neutral color to fit a boy or girl. the blanket's about 45" across and is the color of vanilla pudding. the pattern called for yellow, but i needed to buy 2lbs og yarn for the blanket so i bought two 2lbs skeins of vanilla pudding colored yarn 10 skeins of yellow. The fewer yarn changes, the stronger the blanket. All in all, i spent about 14 hours on the blanket b/c the pattern caused me trouble when it came to the border. I spent 6 hours on everything that wasn't the border and 8 on doing and re-doing the border. I finally got it all worked out and i'm happy with it.

Pic 2 is a granny shawl i made myself. I'm always cold now. It's a large granny square sewed to 2 half grannies. This is in an off-white color. Sorta like the vanilla pudding, but less yellow. I made this while on the way to indiana in the car. It's a good lapgan or wrap. The long end measures around 6'

this is a navy blue scarf done in tunisian crochet (which is a hybrid of knitting and crochet). I then used some left-over yarn from the shawl and cross stitched JILLIANSWAY in script from a victorian sampler i own on it. It looks like a snow storm until you really focus and see the lettering. This is meant as a fashion scarf.

I am currently making a tunisan scarf in various shades of blue based off a washcloth pattern. The problem with tunisian crochet is that all patterns are either stritcly beginner or so far advanced that it isn't funny. Several of the shawls and afgan patterns i've found consist of having 5-8 skeins on yarn attacked to the project at the same time, making it hard to move. if my scarf works out, I may write a few patterns to sell on etsy.

I'm being paid to make a stuffed animal for christmas, so that'll be a day. I am also making MissM's halloween costume, and that should take 1-2 weeks. click here to see what i'm making. It's the fairy wings and dress. I have the patterns, i need to go buy the materials and get started. I'm going to make the wings first, so if I run out of time, she'll have that part.

I've also considered selling my doll clothing patterns on etsy if i can get them copyrighted. i see alo tof people selling patterns instead of products on etsy, and that's SMART. It doesn't take too long to author a pattern, but it can take ages to make something tangible to sell.

You know if I ever have a "real" job again, I'd like to do three things:

1) teach people to crochet, and not just using the official terms, but telling them it's okay to hold the hook differently etc. Holding the hook is a lot like holding a pencil or a fork, it's silly to think that there's only one way to do it, and yet people DO insist there's only one way.

2) Add plain speaking tips to patterns. Instead of just reading the instructions like r2 sch 4 (dc in same sp) *c4 sk next dc ch4 dc in same sc* and on and on, I'd give that, but then i'd make a note "yes, this pattern ends up a square eventually, but starts out a circle, so it's going to look really funky right now. That's okay. At r9 it really comes together, hang in there." and other helpful tips throughout the pattern. Seriously, with some of this stuff you have no idea if you've funked it up until you get to the end, and if you have, it's like shooting in the dark trying to fix it.

3) Write patterns and translate diagrms to ledt handed crocheters. As i get older, the more i refuse to conform. I'm a left-handed person, I LIKE being left-handed and that's the end of it. Almost half the world is left-handed, but it's just assumed that everyone is right-handed. I'd love to take some righties and plop them down in a home/office where everything is made for lefties and see how well they survive. There'd be more left-handed products on the market ASAP. Most left-handed people I know are able to over-come and adapt better. I can use my right hand for almost anything, and I can use it pretty well, almost seamlessly, but it feels off like I'm wearing my shoes on the wrong feet.

When I really started to crochet for real, I had major issues with the fact that all stitch dictionaries, patterns, and diagrams are written for righties. I have to spend a lot of time looking at diagrams and flipping it around and stopping between rows and comparing notes while thinking of how the mirror image of the diagram should look to see if I've funked it up or not. Also, learning new stiches isn't easy when they're all taught for righties. Many of the books and patterns that do give helpful hints along the way are sure to say "okay now that you're on the right side, work left" etc.

I want to write a book on crochet from the left filled with left-handed stitch diagrams and how to turn right-handed to left, left-handed pointers and pictures and descriptions on how to do various forms of crochet and related arts (picot, tunisian, crochknit, loom etc.) as a left-handed person.

Will it sell? Mayvbe, maybe not, but I'd love to have that guide.

Some pictures from the Columbus Zoo and Oliver Winery in Indiana

2010-07-28T21:12:00.010-04:00

the frog/waterfall and fish are at the winery. All others are from the zoo trip. I got many lovely pictures and I think I am going to make an online photo album for easier viewing and i'll post the link here if i accomplish that.

hobby lobby, my trip, and some advice to future grandmothers

2010-07-21T19:08:00.004-04:00

we got home yesterday afternoon, and all is now well. I had 3 spats with the MIL and she's crazier than ever, but we all survived teh trip. Grandpa who's 100 is doing well, although he's still a racist. He took umbridge with missM's black cabbage patch kid. I'm sure he'll send a very expensive white doll to replacve the cheap black one as a christmas present. that black cabbage patch doll really offends old people where ever we go.

I LOVED my 15 mins in hobby lobby and was sorta miffed that they sent me in with the MIL to babysit her while yarn shopping. Michaels and Joanns are the two craft stores near me and they're kinda crappy. My sister has an AC moore and a Benjamin Frankloin near her and they're pretty good, I think i mostly visit her so i can go to either one of those stores. Today i looked hobby lobby up online to see about shopping online and guess what? there are 2 planned hobby lobby stores near me! i don't know when they'll open, but i'll be THERE when they do. I noticed several midwestern stores are starting to move east and i saw a few eastern stores crop up in the midwest since last year.

on our way to bloomington i made a shawl for myself and while there i made some more clothing for the cabbage patch kid mentioned above and on the wya home I made a checkers game that needs a bit more work and will be done. I need to work on 2 baby blankets but everything else i previously mentioned in older posts is now completed. I listened to "My Antoina" and "PErsuasion" while in the car. Since librivox is all volunteer, some of the readers aren't very good, but i liked it just the same. The woman who reads jane austen is top notch and could get paid to do it. There were 5-6 different people who read the willa cather book and some were great and others okay, but I can hear the loe of the work in their voices and the fact that it's free is nice.

I am starting "uncle Tom's Cabin" and a work of classic short stories. After that I'm going to DL some agatha christie and perhaps some more cather?

I do have one small wors of advoice for you broards who will be grandmas in the future (most of you). NEVER OFFER advice about parenting unless the person out-right asks. Many of the people I know are older than I am, which is fine, but I'm starting to get tired of all the Free Advice that's piled upon me. Free advoice is worth what you pay for it. I think this trip was extra taxing because my MIL's mental state is worse than ever and she's lost the ability to butt-out. I finally had to tell the old bitch that I do one thing every day, all day and that's be a mother. I'm the world's only expert on Mandolin, and as such, I don't need or want any help from her or anyone else. If I ask for help or advice, then by-all-means, but if I don't speak those words, STFU.

Because the in-laws are in their mid-70's and haven't had toddlers since they were in their 40s, they oftne forget what is appropriate for a 2 year old. They wanted to engage in several great touristy things that were not 2-year-old activities. I had to have a mini-shouting match in the middle of the Columbus Zoo for them to understand that yes, the trained animal show is neat, and if they want to see it, they should go see it, but a 2 year old will not sit for 30 mins for that. They have strange notions, and one of them is that when one goes on a group trip, one may only engage in activities that ALL members of the group can do together. In short, I spent 7 days with 5 other people every second of the day, 3 of which have mental health issues and one of which is 2. In a mini-van.

The other short parents spot was over food. MissM is now in the "i'm never eating again" stage of life. It's normal and I'm not worried. Every 5-7 days she'll eat a good meal and most of the other days she'll eat 1/2c apple sauce and mayve some crackers and be done for the day. Fine. One day she asked for lunch and we bought it for her and she refused to eat it. I told her she wasn't getting one bite of food again until dinner and left it at that. Awhile later I caught the MIL feeding ehr and we had a fight. When I say "NO FOOD" it means no food.

So ladies, listen to me, when you're blessed with grandkids, do NOT go back on the ruling of the parents. "Grandma's" or "Granpa's" privilidge only goes so far. The MIL was informed just what would happen if she fed the kid again. She went into a lengthy speech about how her son (my guy) had a stomach illness that almost killed him (i'm well aware of this) when he was 2, so when he wanted to eat, she'd feed him, no matter what it was he wanted to eat. Fine, that's how she felt she needed to do things. that's not the situation I'm in and that's not how I do things. Get on board with me or get off.

anyway, i'm going to cut that rant short and I promise some pictures soon.

gone but i hope not to be forgotten

2010-07-14T06:53:00.002-04:00

at about 7:15 am eastern time on 7/14/10, we're headed off on the 'ole family road trip to the midwest to visit our elderly kin. it's me, the guy, the kid, the b-i-l, the m-i-l and the f-i-l in a mini van for a week.

if i don't kill myself or others, i'll be back next tuesday. if i can, i'll update you on this comedy of errors as it's happening.

new Pics and stuff

2010-07-10T00:08:00.006-04:00

Here are some pics. I made this red hat for myself. It's a lily sugar 'n cream cotton yarn free pattern found here:

http://www.sugarncream.com/search.php?key=hat&searchResults=&PATTERNS=Search

I made mine in a becoming shade of burgyndy and I had to pull the pattern out 3 times and ended up taking 4 tries and HEAVY modification to fit my head. the pattern, as made in the directions with the hook they state one should use, comes out to be the appropriate size for a giant. But, I like my hat as I finally made it and will be using the crab stitch and the crossed dc pattern again in the future.

I also made a pattern for a phone holder and a camera holder. My firend like my phone holder and camera holder so much I made her a pink phone holder and a blue camera pouch like mine.

This is my new pink purse and holds all my junk and is cute. I am going to make a few flowers and safety-pin them on as an easily removed decoration. Another friend got a similar, but a bit larger, purse in beige and has asked me to make her a few trees from the book "Crochet Adorned" and attach those for her. It should be quick and easy.

I am making a boy's baby blanket for a friend's soon-to-be-born grandson. Their big rednecks, so I picked 2 shades of cammo, an oatmeal and a chocolate brown and am making 16 8"x8" squares and then will crab stitch a border in oatmeal or chocolate. I have 1.5 oatmeal squares and then 4 chocolate squares and then assembly and border and i'm done. The original pattern can be found here:

http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/80854AD.html?noImages=

I changed it heavily by adding 2 colors, 4 squares, and a border, but really, why have a baby blanket that's 24"x24"? That's almost sueless for a kiddo. This one will be about 32"x32" and he can keep for ages after he's out of the infant carseat.

I have been playing with pattern making but need to rework my idea. I got a cute grannysquare heart from here:
http://www.crochetme.com/media/p/94308.aspx

but they made it into a scarf. That scarf must be huge as each heart I did came out to 5.5" inches at the alrgest point. making 50 of them and then sewing them together in boxes must be a HUGE scarf. I think if I made her scarf, I'd have to use a hook that was 2-3 notches smaller and possibly smaller ply yarn. the hearts should be 2-3inches if you're going to make boxes and sew them together!

Anyway, my blanker: I have made it in 4 different colors and one granny square and am attempting to attach them all and border it about an 1" to make a square that's about 12"x12". 9 of these together with a 1" border will make a pretty blanket. I need to take out the hearts and re-attack ut leaving the dent in the middle of the heart un-attached to the square so they look like hearts, not spades.

MissM LOVES this square and likes to carry it around the house saying "here's my blanket, I like my blanket. Mommy, finish this blanket, not that one!" when I work on the cammo blanket and not her blanket.

Here's a pick of the hat and scarf I made for MissM last winter to match her shoickingly hot pink pea coat. The hat no londer fits, so I need to get some more pink yarn, undo the hot pink hat and make it bigger. The hot-pink coat will be used again this winter, and the scarf still matches, or i could just make her a new set and give this one away? I don't kow any little girls who'd want it.

We're leaving on the 13th for the yearly trip to Indiana to visit grandpa who's 100, so I need to get my tail in gear and get all my car-work ready. I need to upload all my ipod stuff to my cellphone so my guy and i can each have an mp3 player for the trip, I need to get MissM's car activities together, I need to shop for the food I'm taking (i forsee a lot of McD's stops and I can't touch the free breakfast at the hotel in the AM). I also need to plan what crochet projects I want to do in the car. I've been downloading books read onto podcasts from librivox and listening to them while I corchet. I can still hear MissM and keep her in sight, but I like it the most because I don't have to choose between reading or crochet, I can do both at the same time! right now i'm reading some Willa Cather

http://libravox.org/

rules?

2010-07-08T22:47:00.003-04:00

is there some law written somewhere that states that a woman can no longer enjoy time in the bathroom by herself after she's achieved the status motherhood?

excuse me?

2010-07-03T21:24:00.002-04:00

Story I.

so tonight i went to giant to get my produce for our shindig on the 5th. most places aren't open tomorrow and i want to clean house tomorrow, so tonight after the rush was the best time. I went to giant, even though it's out of the way, because they have this scanner thing you can ring all your groceries up yourself as you go along and then when you get to the register, they scan your club card and you pay, saving a lot of time, and i get to bag things myself, which is a plus. Teenagers rarely know the art of bagging food. One young man tried to put my peaches in a bag with draino last week.

Anyway, I'd completed my shopping and had it all bagged the way i wanted to and then got in the self-check out line. It's an open area with 4 stands. You're supposed to stand in a queue where the first person in the open area waiting is supposed to go to the first open machine etc. Today they didn't have the little "wait ehre" sign, but I'm well versed in this holding pattern, so I was chilling with MissM waiting my turn. The next slot opened up and here come this biotch out of nowhere starting to ring herself up.

Now, usually, i'd just let her go, but I've been having the periods to end all periods, I have a sinus migraine that won't quit, I was hungry and tired AND I already had to wait in line with a 2-y-o for more than I should have (Pawpaw and MeeMaw Clampet took forver to ring up their 4 watermelons and used 2 check out stands to do so. I'm not kidding!) MissM wanted supper and I wanted something cool to drink and some sinusPM pills, so I said "Ma'am, you cut me in line."

Was she polite? No, she responded with

"Well, you weren't in line at this register, how should anyone know that you were next?"

Really? because all of the OTHER people in line were in line behind me too, and we were all in the middle waiting our turn where the missing sign is traditionally.

She did move over to the side so I could have my turn, but she bitched loudly and long to everyone in line.

Whatever happened to "Oh, I didn't realize, I'm sorry, you go right ahead?"

Story II.

Oh and at the park yesterday, two little boy who appeared around 8 were throwing rocks. The park in my 'hood is usually busy, but I rarely see a kid being bad or kids without an adult so this was bad news.

I take a lawn chair with me so I can sit near where MissM plays. I've been to many playgrounds in the past year and haven't found one yet near me that has benches near the junglegyms facing in a direction to watch your kids. This is an easy solution for me.

Anyway, I was sitting next to a middle-aged couple who had a whole passle of kids with them (about 8) and we had a nice chat etc. when I looked up and saw some kids tossing rocks. I asked the couple if he was one of theirs and they said nope. So we started to ask around at the other adults in the area if those kids were with them. At this point, the kdis were in the bab/toddler area throwing rocks the size of apples. I had MissM with me and I started yelling at the boys to quit it and some of the other parents joined in. After 15 mins or so the boys kept doing it. Suddenly a car window rolls down in the lot, about 200 feet away, and a woman sicks her head out and shouts at the boys to quit it. The boys respond by finding bigger rocks and then proceed to wrestle as well as toss rocks. The middle-aged woman went nuts and stormed over to the car and let the mother know that if any of the kids were injured, she'd be sued and that when she brings her kids to the park, she needs to get out of her car, turn her phone off and WATCH them. Her husband stayed at the park to watch the kids, but we had a chat and he said "look at the mama, it's no wonder they're tossing rocks." I replied "look, we're lucky she didn't just drop them off for 8 hours and then come back" he laughed and said "you're right about that."

I took the time to explain to the kids I was now pushing on the swing (I always end up pushing every kid in the park on the swings!) that tossing rocks isn't the thing to do and if they do it, they have to go home. MissM seemed to take this to heart, but a few of the little boys seemed to think that tossing rocks must be great because those other boys had been doing it.

I was warned away from this park because it's so close to the ghetto, but this was the first bad patch i've seen and I've been bringing MissM to this place since last fall. But becasue it is so close to the ghetto, and I'm not trashy, a lot of the people won't socalize with me and I really have to go out of my way to get people to warm up to me. One woman explained to me that the only white people they know are the ones they work with or have to deal with via various government agencies. I laughed and explained that I wasn't from social services and I don't care if someone's getting a check for anything, I just want to take my kid to the park!

it's official, i killed another one

2010-07-01T22:31:00.002-04:00

So in 46.5 weeks i've killed 5 food scales.

Okay, I've only killed 4 and maimed one.

Well, okay, th 4th scale was maimed by my cat, but since he's mine, the blame is mine.

GusGus ate the #1 button off a $40 scale. This scale wasn't mine, it's my friend's scale that I was borrowing because she isn't currently weighing her food because she hasn't had time to cook any food at home in months. She loaned the scale to me 2 months ago. After he ate the #1 button, he then knocked it to the floor. It was sitting on the counter next to the sink. GusGus likes to sleep in the kitchen sink. I guess the scale sitting next to the sink just made him mad.

Anyway, I picked the scale up fearing doom and then turned it on to see if it lived (one of the 1-4 I killed died in a horrid fall from the counter, so this was a worry!). I was so happy when the digital scale turned on and then started hitting buttons to see if all was well. When I got to the #1, I noticed the mangeled rubber and got pissed. I contacted the company that makes the scale to ask about a new #1 button (this option is the cheaper option) but they think I'm some crazy lady and I was informed I should just buy a new scale. See, I know a new button would be a LOT less than $40, and since I broke this top-of-the-line scale, I should replace it with the exact same thing.

I called my guy in a fit of frustration and rage to vent my spleen and he just laughed and then asked me if the button still works. Well, if you use a pen or pencil, you can poke it in the hole and it will real the #1 or letters "C,D,E" so he said "Oh, well buy her a new one and you keep that one. You wanted to get one for yourself anyway." Well, whata if I don't want a broken one, I want a nice one? Apparently that doesn't matter because he said buying me a new scale would be a waste, if he wanted to waste money, he should just burn the $40 at the rate I go through food scales.

I really hate it when he's right.

Doreen:
I don't have any recent pictures of me. I could post an old one, but even ones from a month ago don't really look like me. I will start harassing the people around me to take an updated pic for you to see.

MY guy got me a cure skirt from Old Navy and a pretty top to go with it, and none of it fits anymore, I could only wear it for about 4 weeks. I loved the surprise, but looking back at the $50 he spent on the outfit, I could have had a new food scale (to kill)! [i'm joking here] : )

So my committment to just buy consignment clothing until I've decided to quit losing weight has been renewed!

Summer again

2010-06-25T13:14:00.003-04:00

not much new here. MissM wallpapered herself in stickers and then got hives from said stickers (ever seen heart and star shapes hives?). she ran a low temp for 3 days after and a cocktail of ibuprofen and benadryl became standard proceedure. one of my sisters and my mother are allergic to adhesives, so i'm not shocked. so when i prayed MissM wouldn't get my allergies, it was answered, but they then gave her all my mom's allergies. careful what you wish for eh?

we're being given a $2,000 swingset for free for missm. the guy's momma has a friend whose kid just aged out of the swingset and the dad was going to just chop it up even though it was expensive and only bought a few years ago. the woman called my m-i-l and offered it to us for free. It's one of those nice wooden ones with the fort, climbing wall, slide, monkey-bars, and 3 swings. missm loved it when we went to see it. the menfolk are going to take it apart in 3-4 pieces, put it in a u-haul and drive it the hour to our place and install it on 4th of july weekend. i'll be fixing food for their hard work efforts while they're at it. i have to decide on ribs or steak for them. i'll have fish or chicken. i rarely eat chicken at home, because that's my standard eating out food. some people eat so much chicken that they get tired of it. i eat a big variety of foods so i won't look at cucumbers and feel ill at the thought of eating them again.

i am now in a size six and according to the BMI chart, i need to lose about 4lbs to be "normal" weight. that seems CRAZY to me! My 7 y-o niece wears a 16youth and that's about the same size as an adult size 6. how do i know? I bought a dress for me niece for her birthday and my guy insisted that i could fit it. I called him crazy and we had a show-down where i put the dress on and it FIT. my niece tried it on after i gave it to her and it fit her too.

that's about all that's new with me. it's been 100ish degrees and so we've taken to doing as little as possible as we live without AC.

pizza, sorta

2010-06-17T22:13:00.003-04:00

i've tried just about every "sorta" pizza recipe out there and a lot of already made diet pizzas too. none of it really matches the real thing. it's not the sauce or toppings, it's the dough and cheese. recently i had a friend tell me to use a portabella mushroom and do this:

broil it for 2 mins, take out of oven and fill with 1/4c sauce (i used super chunky extra veggie sauce) and then cover it with 1 pc provolone cheese ( i used reduced fat) and broil it again for 4 mins. I also tossed in 1/2 a thing of asparagus b/c i love broiled asparagus and it doesn't keep long.

it was the closest thing to real pizza i've found. take notice that i've used tortillas of all sorts, na'an, english muffins, sandwhich flats, wraps, various prename and hommemade low fat and high fiber whole wheat crusts etc. they're all okay, but rather skimpy and not a good break substitute.

the mushrooms weren't bread like at all, and i love the taste of mushrooms, which is very obvious, BUT the cheese was toasty and gooey and the sauce was warm and didn't squish out of run through the "bread" or wasn't too crunchy. i prefer thin crust pizza that's a little crunchy, but a lot of the "diet" breads are TOO crunchy and it's like eating a pizza made out of a wheat thin, not bread.

this mushroom base was a lot like having a deep dish pizza, without any of the guilt and very little fat.

Dinner took me less than 10 mins and it was a big hit. I can see myself doing this again but using the grill.

i think this might even be safe for the low carbers.

my-tar

2010-06-14T08:38:00.002-04:00

so this am Mandolin and I got back from running an errand at about 8am and while i took care of some houswork, she watched the Wiggles. they're 4 Australian dudes that sing and dance about eating fruit and cleaning your room etc. They're some of the only adults who do kids shows that don't give me the heebiegeebies. Anyway, today they did a special on the Mandolin. Mandolin looked at me and said "momma that's a tar (guitar)" I looked at her and said "That's a Mandolin, like you" She thought this over, turned her head to the side and said "That's my-tar. I like my-tar."

Man is it easy for me to think my kid's one of the cutest kids in the world.

She got her haircut yesterday. I would share a picture, but she refuses to sit still and my candid pics keep coming out weird.

other side

2010-06-11T00:00:00.002-04:00

i love the works of lm montgomery. i read her stuff as a child and saw the shoes etc. i've recently started making my way through them again and all i can say is what a difference 20 years makes. i used to feel so terrible for anne and now i understand the adult viewpoint and catch the meanings so well from the other side. i understand why people were "mean" etc. this is why lm montgomery's works are found in children, young adult, and adult literature sections. they really can appeal to all ages.

Drama at the Salon

2010-06-05T22:20:00.002-04:00

I went at the buttcrack of dawn and got my hair did this am (8am to be exact). While I was getting my hair did I saw a woman with her leg in all sorts of traction machinery and in a wheelchair getting hers done. Like women at the salon do, i pretended I was talking about a sale ad and asked Adrianno wtf was up with that lady. He said she fainted while at the top of some stairs and broke ler leg bone into 5 pieces. Lord have mercy. Her husband stood next to her the entire time holding her foot for her and heling move her from chair to chair. I hope that if I ever break something to bits my guy is literally happy as punch to hold my leg while in the estrogen haven known as a woman's hair salon. Adrianno told me that the woman kept complaining that she wasn't feeling well. He was of the opinion that when one's leg is that mangeled and you're feeling poorly, it's okay to stay home, you'll have hair in a few weeks and can get it cut then. I agreed with him and stated that there are a few times in your life that the world will forgive you bad hair, and having a leg broken to bits is one of them. We then forgot about her and went on to talk of his momma's cooking and me begging him to get his mommato teach me some stuff (they're from Italy, so her food has gotta be tops) when there was a loud roar noise and the broken leg lady fell outta her chair and proceeded to have a massive seizure. It looked like something off of religous TV, I was waiting for someone to put their hands on her and shout "JESUS SAVES!" Sher eally looked like a fish flopping aroun out of water. In less than 5 mins the paramedics swooped in and saved her.

After that got calmed down a bit, Adiranno told me he wanted a quiet day because there'd been a big to-do at the salon the night before. Apparently he was cutting this woman's hair while her husband and his sister were watching when the husband got mad at the wife and full on slapped her in the face while she was sitting in the cahir. Adrianno was upset and had words with the dude when the wife and sister-in-law tried to calm Adrianno down by saying "We're from the chech republic, that's how we do it there. It's okay, he doens't mean harm, that's how it is." Imagine how well that went over? Another woman pointed out that if her husband hit her like that, it would be the last time, he'd have scissors in his eye for his troubles. Look, some guy might get one hit in, but then he'd better pray I never catch him because I am one nasty mean bitch and now that i've taken up running, I'm pretty fast and have decent endurance too.

new pic of me

2010-05-29T23:43:00.002-04:00

this is me. i'm sitting on my tub with the camera proped up on the bathroom counter and i figured out how to set the timer. The pics where i'm holding the camera look off, so this is the best way i could figure to take my own picture.

like the tacky fish themed shower curtain? MissM went though a huge fish stage and wanted everything fish so my m-i-l bought the kid a fish shower curtain, hooks, bath rugs, towels, toothbrush mug etc. Because that's what a 2 year old needs, don't you know?

i just don't care anymore

2010-05-28T18:58:00.002-04:00

so today i spent 2 hours on the phone being interviewed for a book about people who have lost weight. They're interveiweing people who are at the start, middle, near the end, and have kept it off. I'm near the end, and will admit, i've lost a few toddlers or 2/3 a supermodel (70lbs) so far.

While we were talking, I talked about the behavior modification i've engaged in. It isn't just about "don't eat more than you work off." I truly believe that if you're significantly overweight, there's a reason, usually emotional eating, and it MUST be dealt with, or you should just go buy some really fat pants and move in.

the person interviewing me asked me a few questions about that and so i referred back to this past weekend. I went to a toddler birthday party for one of my crack whore cousin's kids (the one she gave up, but still gets welfare for and is about to get into trouble for welfare fraud b/c CPS took the other kid and can't find this one). anyway, i like the kid and my relative who is raising this kid, but i don't like CW, so i went, but didn't expect much.

Many of my relations haven't seen me in 6-12 months, so they got a small shock. i knew my mom was going to be there, and we haven't really talked beyond "i'm fine, i hope you are" and then walk away fast in 16 months. I thought i'd give her a small chance, just see if there's any reason for me to allow a relationship. All the women folk sat and chatted while the men folk grilled and the kids played at the playground within sight of the pavillion the party was at. about half-through the party my mother looked at me and said "you look good, but your hands are so sloppy. I don't know how your husband can stand it. now that you're attractive, you need to do something about your nails. you need to let them grow out and buff and paint them to show off all that jewelry he's bought you." REALLY?!?! it's been 16 months and that's ALL you have to say to me?

I was so upset. then it hit me. she had nothing else to say. It would kill her to say "you look good" or "i'm proud of you" without the backhanded comment attached to it. She just can't do it. I will never be good enough for her. and I just don't care anymore. I looked good, mandolin didn't stain my shirt for once, so she couldn't crab at that. I ate appropriate food and made sure to keep all topics i engaged in away from religion, politics, weight loss or anything else really beyond "i'm fine, i hope you're okay" with everyone, so my mother couldn't pick at that. it must have killed her for 2 hours sitting there in misery wanting to have a go at me and having nothing to say until she hit on the ONE THING that she found lacking, my short nails. how does someone live while that miserable? because let's face it, her behavior is that of someone who completely hates themselves and everyone else.

i took a deep breath and then explained how that long nails don't fit in with being a stay-at-home mom to a young child, and that i don't have a maid, how much weekly manicures would cost and how else i'd rather spend that money. I then explained how disgusting i find long nails on most people. I see people wih very long nails work with food and i cringe knowing that they don't spend the 4 minutes with the hard bristly brush scrubbing under and around the nails and all over their hands like they should SEVERAL times a day, especially after going to the bathroom. I don't want to know what funky nasty stuff is lurking under those talons, and i don't want it in my food. Sure, a lot of that is in my head, but a lot of that is realistic. There's a reason food service workers aren't supposed to have the long trashy nails and it isn't just because one could fall off, it's the hand washing.

After a 2 min mini rant on how disgusting i find long nails (Even though my white trash family consist of many fake-long-nailed women) my mother had to let it go.

Even though I was upset, i didn't eat food, I didn't even feel the urge, i just got up and walked away. Even sitting here, i'm annoyed with the whole siutation, and i'm not eating anything. i'm rolling my eyes and planning on going on a walk before the sun sets.

that's behavior modification and without it, i'd be fatter than fat.

it's about time!

2010-05-26T15:35:00.003-04:00

http://shopping.aol.com/articles/2010/04/30/pick-your-perfect-pair/

this is so me. i've lost 70lbs so far, and let me tell you, i didn't lost it evenly all over. i look good, but my boobs didn't shrink evenly. There's a whole cup size difference between them. I can buy a bear that fits on but is too small for the other, or fits the other side but is waaay to big for the other. I asked the bitches at victoria secrets and their solution was to buy tissues. yep TISSUES. so this concept right here has been long over-due in my life. i have no idea what i'm going to end up size wise in anyway. the guys could end up the same size, or just stya different, but i do know this, those skinny mini bitches at vicky's can take a box of tissues and shove it.

burns hurt

2010-05-24T20:20:00.002-04:00

last night i unknowingly picked up a hot pan and burnt my hand badly. for awhile there it looked as if a layer of skin was going to fall off, but then it blistereed instead. i have a blister on my left index finger all the way down, across the webbing between the finger and thumb and up the side of my thumb. it hurts worse than my ruptured gallbladder did and i'm taking it easy trying to do everything right handed or not at all. i've promised not to drive and to watch the blister like a hawk so that if it starts to become sour, i can get treatment. because of this, my typing has worsened (hard to do it with one hand) and the only thing i'm really good for is reading and sitting on the couch. in lieu of running (i can't hold onto the elliptical) i took mandolin on an hour long walk in the cemeteries. we had good fun looking at names and dates and i had to explain to her that we shouldn't jump on stones and we need to leave the rocks on the jewish graves alone. i told her to say "amen" and put the rock back when she took one. when we walked through the greek orthodox cemetery, she picked rocks and pinecones off the train and decorated various graves with hearty "OH MAN'S!" (that's how she says amen).

feeling bad for the man

2010-05-22T01:24:00.003-04:00

I am about 22lbs from my tentative goal weight. I think I can do it in 3-4 months or faster. I am a c25k graduate and I will be running a 5k (3.1 miles) for charity with friend on 6/12/10 at an overnight charity event near my home with real-life and online weight loss friends. I have 2 online weight loss pals who i've done real life stuff with. Life's pretty good right now.

But nothing's perfect. I'm fine but my guy isn't.

At prom we were in the picture line and having a nice chat with the picture lady (i'm a talker, i can't help it. well okay, my guy likes to talk to and so we did. a lot. but the picture lady liked it, so it was cool). Anyway, after about 15 mins of conversation, the picture lady spied his left hand and his ring, looks at me, looks at him and said "wait, you're faculty?" And he says "yep" she refunded our pic money explaining that staff pics were free, and then took a deep breath, looked from me to him and then made a comment about students going with staff. She looked ready to call 911 and CNN. My guy was upset, i kinda lughed it off, she apologized after we explained that i'm an old married lady and in no way a student.

Okay sure, from a stranger.

FF to this past week. Once a week we have family lunch with my guy either at his school or nearby during the day (he's got plan period during lunch, so 90mins during the day to spend with us). I took lunch to his school and the kiddo was trailing behind. Mandolin really looks like me now that i'm 69lbs down. People were talking to me etc. and all was well. I've known most of these people for 7+ almost 8 years. Later that night my guy calls me and said that one of the women who i'm chummy with didn't recognize me and accused him of cheating on me with another woman (who happened to be me) and having the great balls of stone to bring it to work. Now, I go to his school about once a week or so, and I don't see everyone, but really? It's flattering that I look THAT different that someone i've known for almost a decade didn't recognize me, but I felt bad for my guy because here's a friend accusing him of openly cheating on his spouse while at his job when he's doing no such thing.

I laugh a lot of this off, but something like this happens about once a week or so and I haven't noticed the effect on my guy until recently. I wish I could make it better for him. I know he laughes it off, he's a funny dude, but part of him still hates being accused of being a pervert or a cheater.

I have allowed him to post my current pics on his facebook page, hoping that will get some people up-to-date and off his back (all his students, friends, and many co-workers are into the facebook thing. I'm not on facebook, sorry y'all, but if you want to be my guy's friend, let me know, i can hook it up for you).

An Announcement

2010-05-14T15:59:00.002-04:00

today, at old navy, I fit perfectly into a size 8 short jeanskirt mean for someone with a age a lot less than 28, but i looked good!

that's all

nuggets

2010-05-12T23:19:00.003-04:00

i have little to share, so i'll bore you with more stories about the kiddo.

we were reading a farm book the other day and she poinred at the chicken and said "chitin bababa" then pointed at the rooster and said "wooser cacdodoo" and then i pointed at the baby chickens and asked her what they were. she looked right at me and said "that's chitin nugges" i laughed so hard.

that's about it for me. she's constantly doing or saying something like that to set me off.

i'm pleased that we're boring.

toy hippo

2010-05-01T18:30:00.006-04:00

------------------------------------------
i made this hippo toy for my sister for her 30th birthday. she loves the hippo from the madagascar movie. it took me about 6 hours over 3 days. it's a lot bigger than i expected. the problem with making toys is the details. they give wonderful instractions about HOW to make the parts but then for the assembly, there is usually one line that reads "stuff pieces and set them together so it looks like the pitcure" easier said than done. my pieces never really look like the ones in the pattern ads, but i'm usually happy with them anyway.

mandolin's holding the hippo to show you the size, the hippo alone and there is a pic of "their" hippo. I had to get very creative with the clothing because their directions were incorrectly sized and they left out a crutial step in the skirt. Oh, and i put a bow and shoes on mine because i felt like it.

The Zoo

2010-04-07T12:34:00.006-04:00

we went to the national zoo on tuesday.

it was 96 degrees and very sunny.

we walked for 4 hours and saw everything that was open. much of the zoo was closed due to rennovations (this isn't the big zoo season yet)

Mandolin loved the monkeys the best.

last year i couldn't have walked around for 4 hours and been the happy person i was yesterday. mandolin and my guy couldn't keep up with me.

we put a lot of sunblock on and drank a lot of fluids, so we were a little tired, nothing bad happened. We didn't snap at each other, we didn't fight, and it was a day full of laughter.

It's shocking the difference 60lbs will make in a body. there were some people struggling around the zoo, and when i saw them, i was constantly reminded to thank myself and anyone else who helped me lose 60lbs, that i am no longer that person who struggles after 4 hours of hiking around places. I too can be a happy tourist (except i still hate crowds)

Here are a few pictures. I think i need to set up one of those online photo books because i have too many pics to share here.

enging march and starting april

2010-04-02T21:30:00.004-04:00

these are pics from one of the big snows we had this winter

So tonight mandolin came up to me and said "mommy, I gotta potty." She then took her pullup off, got on the toilet and went pee. We've been potty training for over 9 months and this is a major break-through. I wanted to cry. We wiped, flushed, washed hands, put our pants back on and then got a jelly bean to celebrate. If we get her trained by the time she's 3, she can go to real school. If not, it's homeschooling for her. If she isn't potty trained, she'll only be allowed in the special ed class, and she's too high functioning to be in that class, so homeschooling is the best option until she's potty trained. I'm so proud of her tonight I felt some real hope that I needed to feel.

In other news, I'm starting week 3 of running. There are 9 weeks. I think I can do this. If I finish, I'm getting the over-priced c25k t-shirt that states I was a completer.

My crack whore cousin is having a birthdya party on 4/3 for her kid but sent invitation on 3/31. Who does that? Well, crack whores apparently. I'm not going. We're going to an Easter egg hunt as a family for Mandolin. I'll mail the kid a present next week.

Next weekend I'm meeting an online weight-loss buddy for lunch on Sunday and going to my nephew's 8th britday part on saturday. They live 2 hours away now and it's going to be a pain in my butt to go. There won't be anything I can eat and there's going to be a ton of people I can't stand. I have many issues with my older sister right now. I just don't understand why someone would WANT to live with a man that beats them and teaches her kids that her nickname is "fat whore." It's beyond me.

My two best friends are leaving got Thailand Saturday/Sunday and they'll be gone for about 28 days. I wish them luck. They've NEVER had Thai food, so they're in for a surprise. My dream $5,000 a person trip isn't to Thailand, but that's just me. This trip has caused issues amongst our friendship. The one friend who is going owes me and my guy about $3,000 and is going oon a $5,000 trip. You do the math and guess how long our friendship is going to last when they get back. She owes a lot of people money, but she'd alreayd paid for the trip when it all caught up to her.

$5,000 is tuition for private school for a year for my daughter. I wouldn't take a $5,000 trip knowing that I could give my daughter the gift of a better school. But then again, that's why I have good credit. We don't take fancy trips, own fancy cars, buy expensive clothing etc. We live in our means and pay off our debt as much as possible. It's harder this year because I'm not working and this person has decided to go on a trip rather than take care of her obligations.

I explained to her time and again that if you owe people money (no matter who it is a person or a large company) and don't pay it, then you're STEALING. If there's ever "extra" money in your account, it isn't yours, and if you spend that "extra" you're stealing because you just bounced a check. Some people really need to get hit with bad things to get it together.

I think it's out of my hands. We talked several times about the hardship she's causing others but I haven't seen her seem to care. She didn't apologise or even tell me "thank you" for not suing her etc. I talked to the other friend in our circle, and she'd tired of it too. It's not just the money, it's the carefree attitude about how her poor choices impacting others.

We were hanging out looking at shoes. I haven't bought shoes in months. I don't really need new shoes and it'd be a waste of income to buy something i don't need. I'm not havinga pity party, it's just the truth that when I had a job, I could go buy things on a whim and not worry. I can't now. She needed new shoes for her trip. I bit my tongue about her oweing me money, since a store wasn't the place to throw down about it, but THEN the bitch had the nerve to say "Aren't you going to get anything." I almost hit her in the face with a clog. You don't ask someone you owe $3,000 to why they aren't buying anything! You thank them for understanding why you need fancy walking shoes that are $50 when you owe them both your kidneys and a right leg and then buy your shoes fast and leave.

a "friendly" Family competition

2010-03-26T00:55:00.001-04:00

Standard Entry Form

Whichever female can find the worst piece of sh*t excuse for a man and cohabitate, possibly marry (introducing him as your fiance for 35 years doesn't count as married, but you do get some points for a "real" lack of committment), and breed as many times as possible makes it to the final round.

You win, if and ONLY if, your (in)significant other is proven to be the WORST possible mate/parent this generation has seen.

Here's how to play:

Find a jerk. A real pig here, not just a minor pig, but an out-and-out a$$hole. Be warned that not just any jerk will do. There are levels to these things.

I.
Points are awarded for financial strains on the family caused by: negative credit record, bankruptcy, foreclosure, him pawning your stuff (double bonus points are awarded if he pawned it because of alcohol, drug, gambling, or issues with another woman).

Bonus points are awarded for his time spent unemployed, "on disability," and for crippling conditions like drug addiction, alcoholism, or gambling debts. Lastly, points are given out for a criminal record, and you get more points for the longer it is.

II.
Note, it's a must that:
1) he is abusive in some way or another. After the first three incidents of abuse, you may apply for bonus points, but you must fil out form W3-J7 with an adendum.
2) he ruins every "happy" occasion in your time together.
3) he cares more about his mother than you and your kids. However, if you have proof that he's scr3wed his momma over like you, you may fill out form W4-J8 with an adendum to receive triple bonus points.

III.
Double bonus points are awared for concrete proof (not just suspicion or heresay) that he's cheated on you. These points become "maxed out" if he knocks the other woman up, if she's jailbait, or if it's done in your house and you caught them. In short, you could quadruple points here.

IV.
Children:
1) You will be given 10 points for the first child, but 30 points for each additional child. Let's get real, ANYONE can have a kid with an a$$hole, but it takes someone special to have several kids with one.
2) You may receive bonus points if you can prove your kids are messed up because of his influence or lack thereof. Request form W9-Z2 with sub sections QR3WS-QR6WS for the doctors to fill out
3) Points are awarded for him owing back child support, missing important events in the child's life, and if he really has no idea what the kid looks like or how old s/he is you can apply for quadruple points seek out form V7MX3.

V.
1) The competition officially ends when one (in)significant other is found so vial, the rest of the women give in and admit defeat. However, sitting around and b*tching about your spouse and saying "at least I'm not married to X's spouse" does not count as a defeat and if these incidents can be proven, will add points for the person who was mentioned in the catty comment.
2) In the case of a tie, deciding factors will be based on the next relationship the two women have, because let's face it folks, who can stop at just one a$$hole?

VI.
So, what do you win?
1)You win the rights to be the most put-upon b*tch in the family in the generation. This means that no one is allowed to fvck with you at family events. Everyone must side with you because you're the most bitter, angry myrtar in the generation and you HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT! Good for you.
2)Oh, and you're always guarenteed a chair. You know chairs are short at family functions, and you? You get a THRONE (not the one in the bathroom) where you may sit and whine for the entire event while telling all the other women what a$$holes they have, and you should know because you married the king of them....

----
I married a good man, so I don't get to play

some march pictures

2010-03-25T20:30:00.007-04:00

here're some pictures from the past 2 weeks.

This is mandolin sitting on her crib

Successful shopping/free ride

Waiting at the Drs office on monday. notice our packed lunch in the green bag? yep, i've become THAT organized and am now one of THOSE mothers...

Riding in the car today on our way to go running. Notice the dirty brownie face? Yep, that's my kid.

good man

2010-03-23T21:21:00.002-04:00

I was reminded today what a good man I have. Back in the fall, we were deeply saddened to hear that one of my guy's students had passed away from cancer. This was a nice young man who had suffered from brain cancer for three years. My husband had had his older brother (who is currently in his 3rd year at college). The school asked the community to help pay for the funeral costs, as most people do not take out life insurance on their children and funerals are expensive. We did what we could and gave what we could for the family. I felt terrible for this woman. My husband had the eldest son during his first year of teaching. The kid was acting out and cried a lot in class. Worried, my husband arranged his first ever parents-teacher conference. The mother explained that her husband was about to die from brain cancer and it was hard to deal with her sons. They were in all sorts of grief counseling, but things were hard. When the husband was diagnosed, they said he'd be just fine, but after 8 years, they were waiting for him to die. I can't imagine being 14 and all I ever knew bout my dad revolved around watching him die. Not too long after the father passed away, the youngest son was diagnosed with the same cancer, except there weren't any "you'll be fines" attached. They pretty much knew he was going to die and spent 3 years waiting for it to happen.

Recently, this woman contacted my guy. She confessed to him that at least once a day, she finds herself breaking down and thinking that she can't go on. After losing her youngest child and husband within 5 years, she's decided to go after her dreams. She's back in school and can't use a computer at ALL. She remembered my guy, and made an appointment to see him and went and asked for his help so she can get through school. What did he do? He helped her. This man is busy between working, PhD school, working more, owning our business, grading papers, and lesson plans etc. But part of him said "screw that" and he took precious time he barely has to help a woman at her wits end. I'm amazed that she thought of my guy, but happy she did. I'd like to think that if my guy wasn't around, and i reached out to someone for help, they'd help me too.

3 for $51

2010-03-20T23:38:00.006-04:00

I haven't really wanted to buy a lot of clothing as I've been losing weight, because I hope to never wear it again. I needed 2-3 dressed for occasions coming up.

We're going out for out anniversary in april, prom may 1st and family picture in march.

There's a consignment shop not too far away from me in a nice neighborhood where all the Raven's players wive's take their old stuff. None of these women are large, so i've been in, I was never really able to shop for me.

Knowing I needed to get 3 dresses that I may never wear again, I decided to check this shop out. I am currently a size 10. It's not big nor is it small, it's a nice medium size.

We found many nice dresses and I for a long black number foe the anniversary, a burgundy thing for the prom (it's more modest), and a pretty sunday sundress for the family pic. I took pics of me in the formal dresses and I'll share those now.

humdrum and stupidity

2010-03-14T16:40:00.003-04:00

not much is going on with me. I'm down 57 lbs and feeling good. I now wear a size 10 and have started to buy all new clothing. i'm not done with the whole "taking care of me" thing, but we're getting close. next saturday i have to go buy a prom dress for prom on may 1st. my guy has decided that instead of celebrating our anniversary in april and then prom may 1st, we'll do both on may 1st. i foresee a terrible night and some fighting because of this, but he swears it's a good idea. i love him, but it's not a good idea. if he thinks that being a prom chaperone is how i want to spend my anniversary, he's nuts. do i want to go? sure. is it a good substitute for taking me on a dinner cruise of the chesapeake bay? hell no. my biggest issue here is that prom's at a hotel this year. it's usually at halls but not hotels to discourage private parties upstairs. there are many aprents who don't have a problem with gettinga few hotel rooms and booze and hanving it to their kids as long as they're not "drinking and driving" it's okay. it's a stupid mindset, but people are stupid. go figure. i don't want a room in the same hotel as 400 drunk horny teens that my husband was babysitting earlie in the night (they have to babysit because at homecoming they caught 2 kids literall fucking on the dancefloor with a group of kids standing around them watching and trying to keep the adults unaware of the situation).
sure if prom ends at 12 and something goes down upstairs at 1, he won't tecnically be reposnible for contacting people, but let's be serious. they can have as many sober after prom parties as they want, and provide all the transportation they want to siad party from the prom, but if they had the opportunity to ditch the sober part and go drinking upstairs in a hotel room, many of those kids would. when it's at a hall, the kids HAVE to leave when prom is over. However, if it's at a hotel, good luck getting them to get on a bus and go to a lock-in back at the school.

i deserve a medal

2010-03-10T17:22:00.002-05:00

i spent all day with my inlaws at a church function and i'm getting the body flu.

Fantasia

2010-03-06T23:23:00.003-05:00

Mandolin loves Fantasia by Disney. We've been watching parts of it on youtube and she sits and watches it and tells me what she sees. I HATED Fantasia as a kid. It was boring to me. When I heard the music, I saw different pictures from the ones made by Disney. Now as an adult, I can appreciate the creativity, artistry, and hard work that really went into the 1940 and 2000 versions. I'm thinking of getting her the DVDs so she can watch (and dance with) the movie as she feels like it. She also loves watching ballet. I've never seen a little kid just sit and watch something like that, afraid to miss a single moment. With all of the animation software out there that's easy to use and inexpensive to own, I would have thought more people would make thier own versions of Fantasia. My guy has been playing around with Flash for some time now, he's going to have to teach it sooner rather than later. We've talked of us taking a class together because I like "artsy" stuff and he hates anything "artsy." If ever there was someone to fail finger painting, it would have been him. If I had the talent and the know-how, I'd love to close my eyes, think of what the music made me feel, and find a way to show that to others. In the fall, Mandolin will be 3, which is old enough to take dance class, and I hope our renter gets it together so that we can sign Mandolin up. My parents never had money for stuff like that for me, and she loves to dance and watch people dancing so much, that I don't care if she'll never be the best or even all that good. If she's happy, then it's worth us not taking vacations for her to have that experience.

I don't know

2010-03-03T00:00:00.003-05:00

Why I let shit get to me, but I do. avoiding stasis posted a link to rachel maddow about a politician in VA saying kids with disabilities are a result of god being angry at their parents for abortion. It's ignorant, rude, and plain old stupid. My brain made the leap to all kids with disabilities must be because of god's anger at the parents for any reason. It's a logical conclusion to me. If abortion=kids with disabilties then why wouldn't anything else seen as a sin=the same thing? As a decent human, I was angry. As a parent of a child with a disliblity i was enraged and wanted to send him hate mail. My child isn't a punishment, she's a blessing, which is how he supposedly sees all kids, i guess unless they're not "normal."

I hope the people of VA vote his ass out of office after harassing him to death for being a disgusting person. My guy kept saying "let it go, he wasn't attacking us or Mandolin." But i felt like he was and couldn't let it go. We had some words and have spent the evening tiptoeing around each other. Part of my anger is knowing the history of people with disabilities and knowing that "god's wrath" was used to justify horrible treatment for the longest time. If god didn't like you, if you were different, you were crucified for that difference. Many places, to this day, still treat people with disabilities as a walking sin. How dare that man imply that about my child? I don't live in VA, but he didn't say "only in VA." My guy said "he probably only said it to make the news" guess what? I don't care why he said it. he's an asshole and i'd spit in his face if i saw him face-to-face right now. It's almost better if he actually believed the shit he said, but he probably didn't. I am so terrified of the fight she's going to have the rest of her life. People are mean, people are not loving and little compassion is showed. I don't want her to EVER believe that god was mad at her or anyone else and that's why she has to work harder and longer than all the other kids. after all, if god can't accept you, how are you supposed to accept yourself? so much for the loving god of the christian bible. this man must have a different version than the one i read.

ta da

2010-02-27T22:24:00.003-05:00

So today I got my hair did, as expected. He dicded to wax my eyebrows for free, because he looooves me. He did a great job, but doon after my eyelids turned purple and started to swell. That's right folks, I have developed an allergic reaction to body wax. My hair looks good, but all the subtle highlights don't really show in the current light. I went shopping after i got my hair done and this woman looked at me and said "you know, there are places that can help you." She thought I was a batered woman! So because verb wanted to see a recent pic of me, and my weight lost buddies asked for a pic too, tonight i slapped some make up on and took a pic to share. The hair was done this am and has been slept on, so if it no-longer looks fab, it' my fault and not the sexy italian god who does me hair. oh i took him a blood orange today, because i love them and they're italian, so i thought he'd like one, he was so happy. it's the little things. Anyway, so here's a pic of me.

you know you have issues....

2010-02-27T01:58:00.002-05:00

i was at the store earlier and they were out of my fav ice cream. I really felt like shouting "can a bitch get a skinny cow?" And that's how I know "aunt flo" will be making an appearance very soon.

in other news, i've now lost a little over 55 lbs and I am going to go see my second husband, the man who does my hair, at the ass crack of dawn but it's 2am and i can't sleep. I forsee looking like the bride of frakenstein until he gets done with me. Man I just like to hear him talk. I don't care if he's reading the phone book, i does it for me, he's got a sexy voice and the way he speaks italian to me.

It's been a year

2010-02-22T13:02:00.002-05:00

since i talked to my mom.

I'm starting to think things will always be like this.

Conversation with the man

2010-02-20T17:47:00.003-05:00

Me: "My ass hurts"
Him: "What've you been doing?" (wink, wink)
Me: "God, you wish (snort). I've been doing aerobics, jogging, and that work out DVD I bought the other day. Did you know it's possible to walk a mile, do squats and lift weights all at the same time without killing yourself?"

I'm suddenly glad that he filled out the health insurance audit info. so that I can continue to get benefits. There's only so long one can walk a mile, do squats, and lift weights all at hte same time before an unfortunate accident happens.

I ran a mile today

2010-02-17T22:41:00.002-05:00

Yep that's right. It was 37 out and cloudy and I went to the lake and ran a mile and walked the second. Sure it took me about 30 minutes (I did walk the second afterall) and I feel like shit now, but hey? I did it. Take that you skinny bitches that wouldn't let me shop at your skinny bitch store last month. I ran a mile. So kiss my not-so-fat-ass.

now i need to go soak in a hot tub and suck on my inhalor because my lungs are burning.

i pray for you

2010-02-16T19:47:00.002-05:00

my guy and my best friend are fighting. I am so angry with both of them. I know it's not right to shut communication down, but I just can't do it right now.

When someone tells you to leave them alone, just do it.

I heard a song today that made me feel a bit better, here's hte url. even if it's not your taste in music, the words are great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

I've been cheating

2010-02-15T17:31:00.002-05:00

on the old broards. I've become a member of an online weight loss group and have my own blog over there (don't worry, it's nothing special, but the title is better than this one). It's a decent place full of men and women who have much in common, but are united our goal to become healthier and smaller. The site offers different groups for people with various personalities and likes and dislikes. My favorite group is a group of sarcastic/funny people who are often inappropriate and like to cuss a lot. I know several of the people would fit in at the broards or remind me of exshelfers who i miss. one of the things i like the most is the fact that my BFFs are members of the site too, so if they wanted to, they could become a member of the group. They haven't as of yet, preferring different groups, but we can still play nice. I've never really had an IRL friend be an online friend too. I like that I can have a conversation with someone about boob sweat and M&M preference and no one looks at me like I'm weird.

51

2010-02-12T22:39:00.003-05:00

as of earlier this evening, i've lost over 51 lbs. go me.

in may, i'm going to prom with my guy at his school and am looking forward to dress shopping. okay, i'm really excited about dress shopping etc. and have been told to stfu about it by my BFFs until we actually go.

i'm sore from the second bout of snow shoveling this week. my guy was ill yesterday, so i made him stay inside and my BFF#2 and i did all 4 cars, the entire driveway (it's 3 lanes wide and 200 ft long). we also did the street in from of our house, because mr volunteer plowman didn't come back and save us. it's took several hours with one 20 min. break to get water.

my b-i-l was supposed to help dig out but didn't show to dig but helped himself to the lumberjack breakfast i cooked (the fucker). when asked why he didn't help, he said "i'm sore and tired of shoveling snow." what a pussy. i don't get to be too tired to be a mom, or too sore to do my job. newsflash: i'm sore. i have a spinal cord injury with orders not to do things like shovel snow, yet i did several times. my right hand is numb, so i'm taking a pass on shoveling next time. i'm also having the worst period i've had since that first one after the baby. everything hurts. i'm bloated, i'm having the worst mood swings ever and my face is sun burnt from the snow. he picked the wrong time to cross me. i hit his car with the snow shovel. Okay, the first time was a pure accident, but it felt good, so i did it two more times. i made myself stop before i channeled twanda from fried green tomatoes and did some real damage.

the day it snowed (the second time) I got a closet cleaned out and converted into a pantry and all the crap from the closet either trashed or put away in the basement, so now i just need to go through mandolin's room to pull out the baby toys and small clothing, and then move into my guy's office and have an organization field day. After these two tasks are done, my house will be organized and cleanclean, not just company clean (you know, where you hide all the clutter and make it look clean, but it really isn't? yeah, no more of that for me!).

I have two job interviews this week, but i'm not going to take either job.

Crazy Bitch

2010-02-10T14:24:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we went to several stores looking for road salt. Only having 2 days between blizzards doesn't leave a lot of time to prepare. Most places hadn't had time to get new stock in, and many had already yanked the winter stock in favor of spring stock, even though we're literally ass deep in snow with no end in sight. Anyway, we were on our way into store #5 when a minivan backed up suddenly without looking behind and hit us. My BFF#2 was closer to the baby, so she grabbed her and did a duck and roll move to get out of the way while I proceeded to lift my foot and kick the stuffing out of the back side of the minivan. Of course the kicking was just to let the crazy bitch driving know that there were people behind her and not out of a need to avenge the almost death of my kid....After I got over the kicking and ensure the safety of the baby and BFF#2, we made our way to the side of the van and exchanged some words with the crazy bitch. I didn't cuss once. I merely made it clear that if one isn't going to look, one should give up on driving and then made it clear that it's shameful to almost kill a baby in a parking lot because one is incompetant while driving. Looking back, I'm not sure if the driver was a crazy bitch or if the title belongs to me.

funny

2010-02-08T21:29:00.003-05:00

we were sitting at chick-fil-a having lunch today when Mandolin started singing a mixed version of the "are you sleeping?" and "i love you" songs. We've changed the words to put her name in there, so she has no idea that the songs are wrong. Anyway, it was dead silent in there when she started to sing at the top of her lungs, and 2 year olds have large lungs. I couldn't help but laugh almost hysterically at the image she presented. She had on her tutu, hot pink sweats, green hairband and toobig brown snowboots with BBQ sauce all over her face. After a few moments she noticed me laughing at her and said "you're so funny mommy" and then started laughing at my laughing at her hysterically. That's why I love being a mom and treasure staying home with her. I feel bad for people who miss out on moments like that.

Oh, I stole my brother-in-laws camera and took many pictures of Mandolin playing in the snow while we shoveled, so I hope to post some soon.

sore

2010-02-08T01:11:00.002-05:00

it's one am and i'm too sore to sleep, so this may or may not make any sense. It took 4 people over 12 hours to shovel our driveway and cars out from the several feet of snow we got from fiday to saturday evening. Our street is a side street and ends with a dead end, so we don't get plowed by the county. EVER. At the start of the street is a business where they own and operate a plow (well and other equipment too but the plow is the important part to this story) to maintain the cemeteries we live in the middle of. Everyone at my house and so0me of the people on our street were in the road shoveling the street clear when the plow man went in and out of the cemetery entrance near my house about three times. There are several enterances and exits to accomodate high traffic. Plowman smiled and waived at us each time he drove past looking amused at the 10 plus people and several children clearning the street by hand. One neighbor became angry at his happy little waive and yelled at the plow man each time he drove past. After a few rounds of this, the plow man gave in and plowed our street a few times until it was drivable. It's important to note that when the snowfall is taller than a corolla, one shouldn't attempt to drive said corolla without making sure the snow is clared away. I was so happy the man plowed for us, my arms were about to fall off. We were all going to pay the man, but he didn't want any money, the dear man. Earlier in the year I thought of sending a note to the maintenance company to see if we could take a collection up on the street to pay for them to clear our street every time it snows, since the county will never salt or plow it. We'd be plowed, they'd get some extra cash: everyone's happy. However, after a neighbor told me why we no longer have block parties, I was discouraged from asking my neighbors to rally together to get our street plowed. I was going to make a snazzy flier and go door-to-door and everything. c'est la vie. I do feel bad for the houses further down towards the dead end than mine is because the plow man started at our house and plowed to the road, ignoring the second half of the street. None of those people were out shoveling their drives or patch of road in front, so i guess he thought they didn't want to be cleared out that bad.

In the end, we're expecting as much as 6" on tuesday/wednesday, so we're going to be out there again. I hope the snowplowman remembers us and still loves us and runs his plow again. I was very worried that another house on the street would burn down, or my neighbor who is dying of cancer would need to get to the hospital. We were cut off from all emergency services and it wasn't a good feeling. We were lucky because my guy's parents lost heat, power and water for a few days. Luckily they kept their gas stove and didn't switch to electric and had wood for their fireplace handy, so they were able to cook and stay warm. This is why people move to Floridia.

Thunder Snow

2010-02-06T00:34:00.002-05:00

is a rare weather event where lightning and thunder happen in the middle of a snow storm. Most people, who are in a climate that gets snow, live their entire lives without experiencing thunder snow. I learned about it when I was 19 and taking a physical geography class and we had to learn about weird weather etc. At the time, the prof. (a well known geologist also married to a well known geologist who co-authored many textbooks on the subject) talked of how she'd experienced thunder snow once in her life and upon going to conventions with other people in the field, had only met a handful of people who'd experienced it.

Tonight, I'm sitting here in the middle of a blizzard and it just started to THUNDER SNOW. It's flashing and roaring out there like it does in July when we get a massive thunder storm, only we're getting 6 feet of snow, not a few inches of rain. The events that need to happen to create thunder and lightning usually counter-act the events that need to happen for it to snow, so this really is an opposites attract moment. My family is sleeping and missing something that will probably never happen again in their lives. (not that they care that they're missing it). Me? I'm glad I remembered what thunder snow is and that I get to experience some truly oddball weather.

What Goes Around...

2010-01-31T19:56:00.002-05:00

A few weeks before Thanksgiving my b-i-l hit a friend's car in our driveway and didn't leave a note or didn't say anything until she approached him 2-3 days after the accident. Several of us explained to him about what a hit-and-run is and how nice this person was not to call the police etc. This weekend we had quite a bit of snow and my b-i-l parked at the end of our driveway so he could get out easier. The people across the street from us often use our diveway to turn around in and did so without looking or even thinking of looking first and hit his car and drove off without leaving a note. A different neighbor watched them do it and called us to tell us what happened and hen sent her brother, a cop, over to tell us what happened. When the b-i-l hit our friend and made his poor choice, I explained about "what goes around comes around" and gave the ever faithful "how would you feel if she'd hit you?" talk. I think it's poetic justice that he's dealing with this now and will NEVER make that same mistake again. Last night he was out taking tag info and pictures when the people came out of the house and made up a story about a different car hitting him and the police coming around etc. The b-i-l asked them if they knew anything else and they said no, so this morning he called the police and I suppose gave them the witness info and his side of the story. He felt guilty about not telling the people across the street that there was a witness to them hitting him before he called the cops, but I reminded him that they had ample opportunity to do the right thing and didn't. Now they'll probably get tickets and fines etc. to go with their other legal issues. One day, when I have time I'll tell you all about the lovely people who live cross from us, they make my family look downright classy.

Beware of the Brown Juice

2010-01-28T20:35:00.003-05:00

wednesday night i went to an open house at a school i'm interested in sending mandolin to. it's k-8 and looks good. she's 28 months, but some schools require you apply at 3 for a placement at 5, so it's best to look now, plus, it doesn't hurt to start saving now for the tuition, book fees, before and after care fees and uniform fees. I know it seems hypocritical, two public school educators sending their child to a private school, but our local school system is broken seemingly beyond repair. children are murdered in these schools and teachers beat up with little response from the government, and i just don't want to send my baby girl there. I took my best friend V on the tour with me. She went to a private school similar to this one, so she was a good set of eyes to have along. At one point I asked about hot lunch. My friend V explained to me that private schools don't have hot lunch, duh! I explained to her that some private schools do have hot lunch and promised to tell her my hot lunch story later on after the tour. Mandolin liked the place, and i liked it and it's very affordable at around $510 a month for 10 months.

Here's my hot lunch story:

I used to attend a specific UMC church that operated a school. The UMC women rule the church, and the biggest baddest UMC woman is THE BOSS of the UMC kitchen, it's like being THE QUEEN of the church. I, being under 60, was a lowly grunt in the UMC women, and a nobody in the kitch. I was okay with this, because it's stupid to fight over a kitchen. As I stated, this church ran a school and also had a summer school program. The UMC women provided hot lunch to people who paid for it ahead and snacks. One day I was helping with lunch and then going to teach some art stuff afterwards when a little girl in the 3-5 range called me over. "miss! miss!" she shouted. "yes?" I said. "I don't like the brown grape juice, it hurts my tummy." she explained. I'd never heard of brown grape juice and was worried it was spoiled, so I took a sip. those old broards were giving 3-year-olds prune juice. No wonder their stomachs were sore, mine would be errupting after that too. Most of them didn't make it through recess.

watching a trainwreck

2010-01-26T15:14:00.005-05:00

So far 2010 has been better than 2009 was, but it's too early to tell. We've been having ongoing troubles with a tenant that are stressing us out. Things had been great for the longest time, but over the past several moths, it's been pretty rough. Because I'm not working, this is hard for us to deal with. It was always the plan that over the summer/fall of 2010, I would go back to work, possibly back into education, but now it seems like I'm going to have to get a job sooner. We're not in a bad place yet, but we're afraid of what the situation with the tenant could become and feel it's better to head off the situation before it can get bad. If the situation doesn't degrade, then we're in a great place, and if it does degrade, then we're not in a bad place. Over the past few months of being home with Mandolin, she's really improved in some areas that were a concern, so I do worry that going back to daycare full-time, she'll start to fall behind again. The women at daycare love Mandolin like family, but she's not getting the 1-1 care that she gets at home. There's nothing like applying for jobs to really make you feel down and out.

Back in the Saddle

2010-01-18T22:10:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I go back to water aerobics for the first time in like 6 or 7 weeks. I am not looking forward to it because I've been slacking in my personal fitness recently andknow Wednesday will bring PAIN. On friday it was 58 degrees outside, so Mandolin and I went on a walk/run around a local lake. It took us about 45 minutes to do the complete path, and we finished at the same time as some people who started jogging when we did, so I think we made good time. I had on my ipod and was in my special zone and Mandolin was in her stroller while we zoomed along. I challenged myself to run up and down every hill we met, and by the end of the circuit, I'd completed my challenge. It felt nice to accomplish a goal. If it's nice this week, we'll do it again, but I'm going to try to run longer distances than just up and down. My new bra isn't a jogging bra, so I need to get a new sports bra if we're really going to give this running crap a real try. Mandolin loved seeing the ducks, geese, swans, and other wildlife. We went in the morning, so many people were out walking dogs and some other stay-at-home moms were taking their kids around the lake too and then to the baby playground next to it after.

I've been seriously thinking about joining a parenting group. My issue is that the moms are either furry hippy chicks or mean plastic fake women like the the women on the various "house wives" shows on TV. I'm too mean to hang with the furry hippies, but I'm not mean enough for the fakers, so I don't really fit in with either group. I did think about one of the support groups for mothers of children with disabilities, but most of their kids have profound disabilities and would look at my "struggles" as a walk in the park and I wouldn't fit in there either. It's hard to make new friends.

I'm an idiot

2010-01-16T21:38:00.002-05:00

last night I kept hearing a knocking sound for the better part of an hour, but the screen door was closed, so at first i didn't think anything of it. Eventually, I crept out of my nice warm chair and peeked out the left window, saw nothing, peeked out he right, saw nothing, and went and sat down. Shortly thereafter, the pounding started up again in earnest. This wasn't the knokcing you'd do on a firend's house, this was frantic beating on the door. I sat in my chair watching the door thinking about who could be knokcing on my door at midnight? We live in one of the most dangerous cities in the nation, so something odd usually means something bad. Our immediate area is "safe" (as safe as any place here can be), but that doesn't mean anything. Needless to say, I wasn't in a great frame of mind by this time. So, I got up and approached the door and got up the courage to open the door. Nothing was there, but literally seconds before hand, somehing was pounding on the door like crazy. I was really starting to freak out, because besides Mandolin, I was alone in the house. I closed the door and once again sat down, thinking about what to do. After the next round of knocking started up, i ripped the door open and heard a noise. Looking down, I saw that it was the cat banging on the door with his head. Here I sat for almost an hour terrified that someone was messing with me or trying to get into my house and do us harm, and it was the fucking cat. When I told my guy about it, he laughed so hard I'm shocked he didn't pee himself. New rule: All cats inside the house after dark.

take 3

2010-01-13T23:20:00.002-05:00

this passt week we've suffered through the third stomach flu since christmas. I don't think we're getting the same thing over because each batch of stomach flu started and ended differently. Mandolin is a real trouper and hasn't gotten sick at all, but the rest of us have been knocked out every time. i had the poor luck of being sick all through my brother-in-laws college graduation and the celebration after. everyone else got sick the next day. i had to pull myself together enough to go to the store and get some gatorade and soup. my guy passes out on the couch and bitched like a whiney little baby. At one point we had group nap time and i passed out next to him in bed for a few hours. He regained his senses quicker than i did, but when i got up about an hour after him, i was pissed that he'd left the baby in her bed and didn't help her out. He just looked at me like i was speaking chinese when i explained FOR THE SECOND TIME THAT DAY that one cannot leave a baby in her crib all day and call it parenting. Every so often, you need to change her pants, sit her on the potty so she can try to go, give her some juice and maybe put her in her chair and feed her. You know, take care of the little person, that looks just like him, who can't take care of herself, i like to call it parenting.... This is why I'm the stay at home parent.

IF IDIE, those of you with my address should send many VERY DETAILED care instructions to my guy so that my child has a fighting chance at life. Stalk the man, because he'll need all the help he can get. Remember, my mom thinks going to a doctor is a waste of money and his momma has alzheimer's and hoarding disorders, so they're as useless as him.

Bra Quest

2010-01-11T13:43:00.003-05:00

I went to buy a new bra this weekend. I had no real care for where we went (I hate clothing shopping and I really hate doing it alone), it was decided that my best friend V would meet me after my hair appointment and we'd go into the mall to victoria's secret because they were having a sale. I'm cheap, so a sale sounded good to me. When V showed up, she had my daughter and brother-in-law in tow. He had to take his car to be fixed, so she picked him up and brought him along shopping to watch after Mandolin while we accomplished the hard task of finding a decent bgra. It's some hard work to find THE BRA. I didn't find THE BRA, I found an okay bra that will do for now. I was in the middle of picking THE COLOR for the okay bra when my b-i-l started flipping out. I looked up and saw my kid strip in the middle of Victoria's secret and pull on a pair of women's lacy panties and then look at him and say "I'm pretty." I hit the floor laughing. He was practically panicking over what to do. V was no use as she was rolling on the floor laughing, so I had to cease my quest for THE COLOR to yank the lacey thong off my 2 year old, get her re-dressed in her outfit (aqua pants and turtleneck with a large pink tutu that she lives in) and shoes and suggest to him that perhaps he should go wait outside the store while I paid for my bra.

second time's the charm?

2010-01-08T09:37:00.003-05:00

I spent the hours of 1am-4am dealing with Mandolin's issues with sleeping. If she wakes up, I usually ignore her unless she's distressed, but last night she was in fact distressed. She's been having problems breathing at night. I recently moved the humidifier into her room and have been putting the vicks stuff in it to make the menthol steam, that seems to be helping a little. I'm terrified that she'll develop my asthma problems because she has the allergy issues. I'm sure when we go see the doctor in a month that we'll be told that she has the beginning stages of it and have to go for testing etc.

I fell into ed at 4am and woke my guy up to tell him that it snowed all night and he'd probably get to sleep in today. He did me the great favor of waking me up at 8am to get Mandolin dressed for her daycare day. She goes to daycare once a week so i can do stuff and so she can still work on her social skills. problem was, i couldn't find her shoes. mind you, i was drunk from lack of sleep, so this was a production. Mandolin has chores and responsibilities. Some of these responsibilities are to put her shoes away, place her used clothing in her hamper, and pick up any trash (usually hers) and put it in the trash can, and put her toys away. I usually supervise these chores heavily, but didn't have time on wednesday night after we got home from the store, because i was putting all the food away. We didn't go anywhere on thursday, so i didn't think to check and see if she did her chores right on wednesday, assuming that my guy had done it. Wednesday night was trash night, so he took all the trash out and did that stuff. Apparently, Mandoln became confused as to what went where and placed her shoes in the trash and some clothing and trash ended up on the shelf where her shoes go. She didn't mean to do it, but since my guy and I didn't think to check her chore performance, her shoes ended up going out with the trash. This means that today, while she's at daycare, I need to go buy her some shoes. She wears an odd size, and so I can't just go anywhere, no I have to go to an expensive store and spend anywhere between $55-$80 on her shoes. She has a small collection of dress shoes that are mainly for play, but they don't fit right. She also has one pair of winter boots that are the wrong size, which is what she wore today to daycare. She spends most of her time there barefoot anyway, but later tonight I have to go to a meeting and she's going with me, so I need to go get her some shoes. I forced myself to become fully awake and am sitting here waiting for the store to open before I go drive out in the snow and mess to get the kid some expensive shoes. I wouldn't be so pissed but this is the second time that we've had to do this, the last time being in August.

Tomorrow morning i have a hair appointment at the buttcrack of dawn and then I have to buy an outfit (most of what I owned was too big so I gave it all away over the weekend) because sunday is my brother-in-laws college graduation. I really doubted he'd get there. He's one of these people that's so smart he can't function in real life at all. He's going to start grad school in a few weeks, and I wish him luck. I don't understand how someone can get a degree in math and do all sorts of math that most people never dream exists but can't figure out what cleaning product to use clean the toilet versus the one used to mop the floor. Needless to day, this is going to be an interesting day and I'm sure my mother-in-law will be at tip-top crazy.

around the round

2010-01-06T23:14:00.002-05:00

It's so quiet here without two more children to look after. I only have to wash dishes once a day and make one meal at each meal time.

Tomorrow i am going to make three soups and portion them out for easy-grab meals. One is a navy-bean and ham; the second is a fire-roasted tomato, sausage and potato; and the last is a ham and potato chowder.

I have now lost 45 lbs and have not done a good job with my working out for a few weeks. It was impossible the week I had the kids and the previous weeks were hard because I injured my knee and needed to let it heal before getting back at it. My goal for the rest of this week is to do my 60 minutes a day. I have the time and need to just do it. I don't dislike working out, I even like it somewhat, but i'm letting my lazy nature get the best of me.

I am proud that during the Thanksgiving-New Years food orgy season, I lost weight every week. A lot of that was eating before I went to parties or after and not at parties, or taking food for myself that I could eat and forcing myself to keep away from the stuff I knew I had no business eating. Also, I planed all home-cooked meals to a "T" and had the "if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it" mantra going about cooking healthy foods. I don't know if these are long-term strategies though. I do know that in a few weeks my pants size will be a single digit and that's worth more than cake.

Okay, I'm off to crochet a tea pot & lid, sugar bowl & lid, 2 tea cups, 2 saucers, 2 spoons, a serving plate, and 4 cookies for my daughter. It should take a few hours, so I can at least start tonight. Making toys is a great way to use all the little odd bits of yarn.

I made my own pattern the other day and it came out pretty good. I made a flower hat for my daughter. I started crocheting around the round in dark green and increasing and switched to hot pink at row tenish and kept going until i had a good sized hat. I placed a ruffle around the bottom to make the petals. At the top of the green, i used the tail from the start chain to weave inside the hat and pulled it taught to make a "stem." then I made two dark green leaves and attached them next to the stem. The hat looks like an upside down flower on her head. I used the same green and pink to make a matching scarf. Mandolin has a hot pink pea coat, so the hat and scarf match perfectly. I'm going to make a second hat to test the pattern and then submit it. If i ever get a new camera battery, i'll share pics of all the stuff i've been making recently.

that's it, i'm still boring

Happy Birthday

2009-12-30T12:18:00.002-05:00

My guy's birthday is on the 3rd, he turns 30 (officially old). Tonight we're going to a MD baskeball game as his present from me. The kids are all going to a sitter and the two of us and two of his friends will set off for the game. I plan to take something to do while sitting there. I don't mind basketball, but it does get old. I am 95% completed a baby blanket for a friend and 100% completed the matching pillow. Next on my list are one puppy and one kitten for my niece and nephew and then the hippo for my sister. Someone is paying me to crochet together a blanket they knitted, so that will come first. Moreover, another person wanted to buy a stuffed animal and I may negotiate that out. After list last blizzard it became apparant that a few friends didn't own winter hats, so I may make a hat or two, they only take an hour or so. I am returning my sister's kids on saturday at the extended family party. I will be brining the stuffing and an separate meal for myself. I don't think we'll stay long though, I can't stand my crack whore cousin and the party is at her mother's house. In a little while we're taking the kids to chuckee cheese (hell on earth) to work off all that excess energy before they go to the sitter's house. I think the puking plague has passed us by. Yesterday we spent the day duckpin bowling, a Maryland tradition. For those of you who wonder wtf that is, it's like regular bowling, but the ball and pins are smaller, the ball has no holes and you get three tries to knock the pins over. When it comes to food, my sister's kids are getting on my last nerve. I've long had the policy that if you don't eat what I give you, you get nothing else. My guy wasn't on the same page and was feeding them and falling for BS. After a long chat, he decided to let me do it. It's annoying that he's the "good guy" and I'm the "bad guy."

Worse than the bunny suit

2009-12-26T15:04:00.002-05:00

i hope you had a nice christmas. near midnight christmas, my guy started puking and has kept it up all day today. i got him some gatorade and put him to bed. today i went to see my parents and sisters and got my niece and nephew for a few days. they're currently trashing my house. Mandolin had a great day, santa, mommy and daddy and everyone else gave her a lot. Grandpa in Indiana sent her a $300 tricycle while her papaw bought and built her a table and chairs for her room. The table has cubby holes so it can be used as a desk later. Mamaw got her what seems like several tons of new clothing with shoes to match. At one point, Mandolin said "too much, i'm done" and refused to open any more gifts. We carried on without her and got it all done. On monday we're having a little party for my niece and nephew and they get to open gifts from people here who love them. My nephew has to have surgery on his "boy parts" (as he calls them) in about 2.5 weeks. Poor kid is in a lot of pain and can't pee. Santa and my family were good to me. My mil bought me several outfits fit for a 66 year old NJ housewife married to someone in the mob. Seriously, the gold satin pantset with leopard print trim and matching tassels left everyone speechless. She said "You're so beautiful and I love you and wanted to give you something to show how pretty you are." Her words were sweet, but man I was almost instulted after really taking all of the outfits in. I spent the day to chants of "go try it on, Jillian." I felt like Ralphie. Except everyone but the MIL knew how ugly the outfits were and they were making fun of me. I got my best friends back by getting my MIL to insist on them taking my hand-me-downs since I didn't fit most of the clothing. They didn't like the taunts of "Go try it on, it'll fit" they got after that. the MIL only had one crazy episode and we just ignored her. that's about it for christmas.

stuffing gone wild

2009-12-23T13:14:00.002-05:00

The turtle took about 2 hours. The assembly was hard because the assebly instructions were a cop out. I don't understand giving exact details and tips on how to make the parts and then writing two sentences about stuffing and filling. I made mine in different colors and put a large lip around the schell, because that's how i like my turtles. I have now gone back to lions brand and downloaded plans for a pig, a hippo, a tiger, a lady bug, and a panda. Reading the reviews is helpful. I couldn't find polyfill at the store, so I had to buy a pillow and unstuff it to stuff the turtle. One reviewer suggested just using cottonballs while another said to use pinto beans to make the toy a beanie. I think Iwill try these things on other animals. It stuff with pinto beans, I'll have to do a really tight stitch to close any holes in the fabric. The poly fill stays put inside the turtle pretty good. Also, since i stuffed and then attached his limbs, the stuffing won't fall out of his limbs into his body over time. There are a few good bear patterns i might try. I like the tiger pattern because it looks like a kitten, and I can make cat dolls for my cat lover friends. I could also place atnip, bells and squeakes inside the toys to be used as pet toys. I like that the toys only take about an hour to crochet and maybe an hour to stuff and assemble. a small herd of toys might be nicer than a baby blanket as gifts for people. Now i just need to keep Mandolin away from the toys i'm making for other people. this morning, when she saw the turtle, she told me it says "bibbit." I think I'll make her a frog with a crown i saw after i try all the other patterns out.

anyway, off to fex ex a gift. have a good day.

Quiet Week

2009-12-22T00:56:00.003-05:00

this is a stuffed animal i'm making for a pregnant friend. they love mandolin so much that they're naming their child after her. They're givin their daughter mandolin's middle name. it's an honor. I can't blame them, i like the kid and her names too.

After getting about 3 feet of snow over the weekend, we're having a quiet week. All of the schools in the state cancelled school until January. It's just cheaper to keep the kids home this week, especially because the past few years when June comes around, they forgive the snow days and just let the kids out on schedule. Running the buses, AC, power and schools is very expensive and apparently they save a boatload by doing it. My guy is now attached at my hip this week. I made him go shovel the driveway and the street (they don't plow anything but major streets here), and today he completed that task, so I have to invent something for him to do.

Christmas Dinner is as follows:

Choice of: Steak, pork chops, tuna steaks

Gravy

sausage dressing

roasted garlic mashed potatoes

green beans in the pressure cooker (takes 5 minutes)

dinner rolls for those who eat them

Bigass salad same as Thanksgiving

Fruit tay

and Chocolate mousse made with Baily's irish creme and tia maria

or sugar free pie

We're openinig gifts at 12 and eating at 3 to get my inlaws the hell out of my house by 6. It's supposed to snow that day, so we might be rid of them earlier!

So far the tree has been knocked over twice, the kitten has peed on the tree once, the dog i dog sit has eaten three ornaments (she doesn't eat dog trats but eats a salt cookie?) and between Mandolin and the kitten, 7 presents have been unwrapped. They (the both of them) love to pull the bows off the gifts.

This year when i spent my 5 hours of wrapping hell, I used some fancy scmancy expensive scotch tape special for gift wrap. That stuff peeled off the gifts after 4 days and I had to go back with packing tape to keep the stuff wrapped. I should ahve just used packing tape as usual and ignored the pretty tape display. The tree, being left up to me, has giant outside lights on it instead of the little lights. I like the big light look with all of our homemade ornaments, it's "homey."

Wednesday Mandolin is going to her christmas party at daycare so she can see her baby. A new baby started there about a month ago and Mandolin's been asking me to give her a baby (a real one) ever since. If Mandolin is nice, she gets to help feed the baby and hold her. It's good that Mandolin isn't the youngest anymore. Now she wants to be a big girl. My only worry is that she'll hurt the baby. The baby was premature and is still tiny and has some brain damage. The baby has a large dent in her head from birth trauma. When I held my cousin's son a few weeks ago, Mandolin went up to that baby and punched him in the face, so I'm worried she's going to hit this brain damaged baby in the head. She's been good so far, but then again, I haven't held this baby either.

My father in law has decided to dress as santa for christmas day, i'll be sure to tell those of you who got her holiday picture how that turns out.

Social Training: Who needs it?

2009-12-17T13:49:00.004-05:00

at the bookshelf site, fourflights posted something about a dog sweater. I'm not sure if she wanted to buy one, or if she was suggesting it because she didn't really say. This was the response she got:

"I'm glad the dire straights of poverty you'd been stricken by have passed. (smile)...I bet your headaches will vanish for different reasons now...brava Carolyn. xox."

Damn, way to put another person's private business out there like that. How socially ignorant must someone be? It reads like a backhanded compliment, you know the type: "For your age, you look great!" Why can't one just say "You look great"? The second half makes it more an insult than a compliment. I hope Four learns to not tell this sairi person anything personal again.

the "(smile)" and "brava" hint that it really wasn't meant as an insult, but it just reads like one to me. I could be wrong, but I hardly think it's appropriate to bring up someone's financial woes, unless they mention it in that post first. It wasn't like Four said she wanted the dog sweater, but couldn't afford it.

It's like meeting an acquaintance while out-and-about and right after the "hellos" asking "How's that case of crotch rot you had back in '94?" It's just Inappropriate, out-of-the-blue, and really unrelated to the point or the social circumstances. But one could make an argument that's par for the course for this person. How does one go about living a life communicating like that?

Believe it or not, there are classes one can take when they have this problem, to teach individuals how to fit in socially. Because some people just don't "get it." It's as if while the rest of us internalized basic social rules, like standing in line at a store, or chewing with closed mouthes, some people never figured it out. It isn't because they're ignorant on purpose, like some people, it's that they really just missed that part of life.

I know Bert, you're going to make an argument about "to each his own" etc. and who am I to insist on social rules that we're supposed to internalize? However, when we learn and follow some social rules, all societies have them, it makes things easier. Sure some people are known for marching to their own drum and being brilliant, but most of them are also known as major assholes to the people who have to put up with them. Since I am not in the "obscure, unsocialized genius" group, I know I'm in the "god I have to put up with that asshole" group. Being a member of the "tolerating" group, I'd rather not have to tolerate someone who's an asshole if I didn't have to. I'm not like Bert, I don't have the cat gene. I don't like to play with my food, or in his case, I don't want to poke a stick at the crazies for the giggles.

Baby steps

2009-12-16T13:24:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Mandolin climbed out of her crib for the first time. I really thought she'd never do it, so it was a wonderful surprise. I know some kids never accomplish the crib climb, but every example we've met has been worse off than Mandolin in the disability area. There's a long list of things she's never been able to do, and might not ever do. We usually just ignore it when people ask us about it. People get so catty when their kid does something yours can't.

While Mandolin's ahead vocally and socially, she's still months behind when it comes to problem solving and physical accomplishments. Months doesn't seem like a lot, but for infants and toddlers, it's like having a child in 6th grade performing at the 3rd or 4th grade level. It's a big gap. We pretend we're not worried, or that nothing is wrong, but behind closed doors, we're worried. Being able to find solutions to problems is a large part of how we define intelligence in our society. Sure there's the multiple intelligences etc., but in reality, if you can't solve a basic problem, like how to reach something on a top shelf, life will be hard for you.

A few months back we had to decide which "track" to put her on. People who think that kids aren't still tracked in school anymore are living in lalaland. Just because the Supreme Court said we can't track doesn't mean it still isn't done. They just call it something else and use pretty words to try and mask it. We were given the choice of our daughter being in "regular" classes, but being towards the bottom academically, or putting her in "assisted" (special ed) classes, but her being at the top. Bottom of the top or top of the bottom. What a choice to make when your child is 2. The only decision we've really made is that we want to avoid the Baltimore Public School System. The rest is a mine field that we're attempting to navigate. Not for the first time, I was left wondering what people who don't understand the system coming in do to navigate it?

Mandolin (before the haircut)

2009-12-14T19:54:00.003-05:00

Orb, her hair was almost to her bottom. She was born with a lot of hair, and it just kept growing. I didn't have the heart to cut it, until we just couldn't deal with it anymore. She hates having it brushed and gets made when I have to hold her down to put pony tails in it, or braid it. The new shoulder-length do is good for kids who don't want you to do anything to it. The woman gave her bangs, and they're crooked, so I'm going to ask my hairdresser if he'll trim her bangs the next time I go in for a trim.

She refused to wear shoes and the "bracelet" is really a pony tail holder she likes to wear as a bracelet. They got this picture after her hopping around for about 20 minutes and refusing to look at the camera. She was in love with the photographer though and he finally got her to smile and look at the camera for him.

Last First

2009-12-13T22:21:00.003-05:00

On Saturday we set off to getMandolin's first haircut. This is the last of her "baby firsts." I borrowed a camera and took pictures of the occasion. I still cannot find a replacement battery for my camera that dies three months after I bought the thing. What a waste of money.

Tomorrow we will visit the post office and probably scan and possibly share our family pictures we picked up from the picture studio yesterday.

My leg feels better every day and I'm no longer tied to the sofa popping pain pills, so the holidays are looking pretty good. On Tuesday we're doing a major furniture move, and I'm sctually looking forward to it. I'm the type of person that likes to put the furniture in one place and never mess with it again, unless it's to clean around, so looking forward to moving furniture shows how badily it's needed. If Tuesday goes well, then Wednesday is the big TREE DAY.

We'll see if I'm up to Christmas Food Shopping on Thursday.

I hope the rest of you had a nice weekend and start the week off alright.

Stupid Man Codes

2009-12-09T22:07:00.004-05:00

Today I set about making 100 christmas ornaments and a tree topper out of heaps of salt, flour, cinnamon, cocoa powder, and coffee grounds. If you've never done this, it's very messy and not easy to accomplish with a 2 year old, but we hung in there and all three types of "cookies" were made. Tomorrow we have to decorate the "sugar" cookies, but the cinnamon and mocha were done tonight. I want a tree that could be demolished by young kids and I won't care.

After that, I got started on the Christmas cards. This is usually an involved process, because depending on my mood, I send anywhere from 50-200 cards. Some years I love everyone I have an address for, and other years, like this year, most people could go @#%$ themselves before I send them a card. Kathryn, Spidey and Tree will be getting cards from me because I got a card from them. This year's cards are picture cards of Mandolin screaming at Santa. I got 40 copies of that magic moment and stuffed them into the cards, applied a staple to keep the pic in, wrote a message on the back, stuffed the envelopes, and then put a sticker to close it up. This process took me about an hour.

I really needed help printing the addresses. Basically, someone had to make a new label document of the "in" people from three different address files (my family, his family and the shelfer people). Because my guy has mad skills, and had nothing to do, I assigned the job to him. With some quick C&P action, he should have been done with everything printed long before I was. Nope. He tried to pull the "I hate this $%^&" card to get out of it, but it didn't work with me. That's when I told him that I'd go take his name off all the cards if he didn't help. He thought I was kidding. I let it slip that I haven't put his name on a Christmas card in years, or a gift tag either because he takes me for granted. He had a fit and said I "betrayed" the "relationship rules." WTF? Apaprently, one of the biggest perks for men in a relationship is not having to shop or fill out cards, and I should know this and just put his name. Screw that, if he wants a name on the card, he has to help the process out. I wouldn't be so pissy here except, he had the easy job, a job he earns a living at TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO DO, which is mail merging and using C&P. He's got no excuse and the old "I have a penis, see?" excuse isn't cutting it. So, while he pouts and hunts for Sports Center, I'm printing address labels and finishing the cards.

His name isn't going on any gift tags I fill out this year.

If you want a card, let me know here or e-mail me.

Early Saturday Stuff

2009-12-05T01:14:00.002-05:00

Doreen, my voice is unique because I sound like a 10-year-old. A few shelf websites ago, Allan needed help posting pics and I said I'd help him out. In the process, he ended up calling me and the first thing he said was "Holy shit, are you the FBI? I'm not a pervert, I swear." Allan sounds like a very old extra-jewish Mel Brooks, if you can imagine it. Bert said I sound like a kid on the phone when we talked that one time. Telemarketers and other bothersome phone people quite often ask to speak to my mommy when I asnwer. I haven't taked to one in awhile though because Mandolin likes to talk to them, so I just put her on. You'd be surprised at how long they'll sit there and talk to her.

On thursday night I was doing a workout tape and everyone did 30 crunches. I, being stupid, thought "we can do 20 more for a good 50." I shouldn't listen to myself. I am sore today and it hurts my middle to bend over. It's been awful all day and is the reason that it's almost 1:30 am on Saturday and I'm not asleep.

Saturday the 5th is my mom's annual birthday party/cookie swap. I still haven't talked to my mother since around Feb. Well, we did talk that one time, but that made it worse, so it doesn't count. I got the invitation for the party on Wednesday for Saturday. What else should I expect? After the whole Thanksgiving thing, I truly thought that an RSVP wasn't needed, afterall, they were going to let me cook $300 worth of food and two meals and not show up without a call, why should I RSVP a stupid cookie swap where I won't be able to eat anything anyway? I was in the middle of making diet cookies when my older sister left me a nasty message about not calling to RSVP. I almost said "fuck it" and not go. However, my mother is still very ill, and if this were her last birthday (which is highly possible at this point), I'd feel bad for blowing it off. So, even though we're not talking, I'm going to go. I do have a few words I want to say to my sisters.

After much debate, I have decided not to see my family for Christmas, but make the trip a week or so after. My guy was raised spending Christmas Eve driving 7 hours to visit one set of grandparents, having christmas there, and then driving another 9 hours to visit grandparents 2, having christmas there and then driving home. What a crappy winter break from school. Because of this, he likes to get up at 4am Christmas day, drive a few hours to my parents, have one christmas and then drive a few hours in the other direction to see his parents, have christmas two and then come home, to our friends and have christmas three. I'm just not up to it anymore and that's that. Yes it's nice to honor the older people by visiting them, but they don't have a baby to wrangle and aren't old enough to obsess over "price is right" and "matlock."
Nothing is keeping them from coming here.

A few months ago we went to my guy's parent's home. My guy's momma is a hoarder, just like in the TV show. It's dangerous to move about in her house because piles of stuff are constantly falling and it's hard to walk around. On our last visit, the FIL didn't watch Mandolin as he was supposed to, and she was injured. It was a minor injury, but it happened. I made the executive decision that we wouldn't be going back there until the home is clean (so after the MIL is dead or in a home). Before my guy was 5, he suffered from several broken bones and a few trips to Childrne's for poisioning from the combination of my FIL's inability to watch young children, and his momma's hoarding. If my kid gets a broken bone, it won't be because of those two things.

This year, we're having a tree, presents and dinner here with the people that really matter. His parents can visit that day if they want food and family. I'm not driving out to the foothills of Appalachia to see my kin until around New Year's because it really isn't worth the bother.

12 minute wrong number

2009-11-28T23:58:00.002-05:00

I listened to/ watched a leagle show earlier where the atty stated that no one makes a 12 minute wrong number. Well I have. About 2-3 moths ago I called my guy to have a nice chat. He's gone a lot teaching various things at various places. Anyway, we were having a nice chat about what we did that day whe he suddenly said "wait, you're carla, right?" and I said "Who the Hell is Carla?" Apparently I had dialed the wrong number, neither of us realized it and he thought I was his woman and I thought he was my guy and we had a chat for 12 minutes not realizing that I'm not carla and he wasn't my guy. Yep, it took us 12 minutes. When he was done laughing, my guy was perplexed how this dude thought I was "carla" because I have a unique voice. Perhaps Carla is my voice double? Who kows, but if you ever need a reason in court, there are people who infact do spend 12 minutes on a wrong number.

that's all for now, i burnt my hand on the toaster oven and it hurts.

Plans

2009-11-23T20:22:00.003-05:00

Well, I was better for a week and now I'm ill again, just in time for the holiday. Thanks god I'm done Christmas shopping.

It was cold and rainy today and I went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. I got everything except for buttermilk (the store i went to was out) and I need a bundt pan. I think I'm just going to add a cup of milk to some white vinegar instead of hunting down the buttermilk. It's not quite the same, but it'll do.

Thursday's menu:

Large salad (spinach, romain hearts, peppers, carrots, celery, various beans and as many other veggies as I can fit in it)
13 lb turkey that i'm going to try and brine. we'll see how it goes.
2 lbs green beans cooked in the pressure cooker (I bought a ham hock to toss in, but a big momma at the store told me to get the pig tail. I refrained).
2 lb pork roast for the non-turkey people (again with the pressure cooker)
cranberry, apricot and coorn bread dressing (I'm going to make it in the muffin tin)
roasted garlic mashed potatoes (made with chicken broth instead of milk and butter)
roasted veggies (sweet onion, red and green peppers, yellow squash, zuccini, garlic, and asparagus)
greenbean casserole (the same old thing for people who want it, not me)
mac 'n cheese (not for me, I'm not a big fan, so I'm not even making it, it's a bring along)
can of cranberry sauce (I HATE the stuff, so I just buy the can and hope it's magically gone)
onion gravey made from turkey drippings
beef gravey from the jar for the MIL who is allergic to all thing poultry
brown n serve rolls (I don't eat them, so I didn't bother with homemade
pumpkin spice cake with cool whip topping (I dislike most pies and didn't want to bother with making 2-3 when one cake would do)

Notice how everything was done with me in mind or someone else made it? That's a great Thanksgiving for me. Word spread that my family was't coming and some other people asked to come instead. We have an open house policy that anyone who wants to eat can come on by as long as they behave.

After dinner, the womenfolk are all going to take a long walk in the cemeteries and let the menfolk clean up. I usually get roped into the planning, housecleaning, shopping, cooking and cleanup. "Not this year" is my mantra.

What are you going to eat/do for Thursday?

Sketti

2009-11-21T00:26:00.002-05:00

My daughter is under weight for her age, and it doesn't help that she lost a lot of weight, she really had no business losing, last week when ill. She ate maybe 2 ounces of yougurt a day for 5 days and that was it. Therefore, when we can get her to eat, we're supposed to get her to eat as much as possible and try and get her to eat fatty foods that are full of protein. She prefers diet yogurt, raw fruit and veggies, which aren't the best weight gaining foods. Sometimes she'll eat cheese or meat, but she doesn't really like breads or most carbs. However, she will eat "sketti" about two times a week. It's one of the foods she'll ask for and I don't feel bad about pumping her full of.

I have meetings Friday afternoons/nights and she has to go with me because babysitters are rare and terribly expensive weekend nights. After the meeting, we usually go to dinner with friends and then maybe shop. Mandolin loves going to the friday meetings because she feels like a big girl and often joins in and shakes her head or claps depending on what the people around her are doing. Tonight we went to a local joint called Olive Branch, like a knock-off Olive Garden with a very different menu. My friend got muscles, i got spaghetti maranara and got Mandolin lasagna (she asked for it and I was hoping she'd be in a cheese mood and pack on some fat). Mandolin decided she wanted "sketti" after all and sat in my lap and ate my dinner for me. I cannot wait for her to be older so she can tell me what she really wants to eat. I think that'll happen when she's about 15 right?

Gus-Gus

2009-11-19T00:10:00.003-05:00

Tonight we went to a no-kill shelter and got a cat. I wanted three things 1) a young cat/kitten that wasn't baby lookiong but wasn't a month from being an adult 2) a male, i'v found boys to be nicer 3) one that didn't look like any of my previous cats. i don't want to replace an old cat with a new one, i wanted a new one.

at shelter number one, they just had a large adoption event, so there were only 4 kitties there. One was being adopted and two looked like a previous cat. Cat number 4 was my gal. I was willing to overlook the male requirement because she was sweet and such a lady. However, this kitty had some kennel cough and I was a little worried that the staff seemed oblivious to the fact that the animal was ill. I just lost one kitty and didn't want to pay all that money for a new one to then have to go to the vet and spend more money and possibly be told that this kitty isn't going to make it. I was sad and the staff weren't very helpful when it came to an ill animal. So, we left and had dinner and then went to shelter #2.

Shelter #2 was full of kitties and all of them were quite vocal that they wanted to come home with me. The staff wouldn't let us hold a cat until we proved that we were in fact taking an animal home with us tonight. I understand why they don't want to open up the cages for people just fooling around, but it took them 20 minutes to get to the opening portion of the event, and we had a hyper 2 year old to calm. After much thought, we got a little guy that's got a white tummy and odd orange patterns on his back that look like targets. He's unlike any cat i've ever seen or owned before, so he fit ALL THREE requirements. I had to fill out more paperwork to adopt the cat than I had to fill out when we bought the house, but after writing a check and promising to take the cat to the vet within thenext week, we were off home.

After much talk between me and Mandolin, we named him Gus, after the fat mouse in the Disney Cinderella movie. Gus was a fat, happy and sweet mouse, and our cat has the makings of a fat, happy, and sweet cat. He's a dude's dude. The other cat (Tubby) who lives with us (but isn't our cat) decided he liked being an only cat right about the time we opened the carrier, but after some hissing and a slap to the head, things look to be calming down. Gus doesn't like the dog I dog-sit and they had some words, but I think they'll work it out in time too. Poor Gus doesn't quite know wht to do about Mandolin, but once she gets ahold of him, he's done for. Tubby's tail still twitches funny after the last time Mandolin got ahold of it.

So, we got a new cat and he's nothing like our Lovely Lily, but that what I wanted and what we needed. As soon as I get a new camera battery (damn you lithium ion batteries!) I will share pictures. I know Bert, if I knew how to use my cell phone camera, I could take a pic with that, but I don't know how to use it, so there's no point in wishing is there?

Things are Looking up

2009-11-16T23:56:00.003-05:00

Mandolin is better, though her voice is still scratchy. I am still under the weather but feeling better today than yesterday etc.

I host thanksgiving every year, this is because we're usually away for christmas and it's been deemed important to see relatives for at least one of the holidays. Anyway, my sisters requested my guy to buy them an edible arrangement. (they asked him because they're both miserably single and when they aren't single, they only date broke losers, so a lot of the neat husband stuff comes from my guy). Anyway, they wanted chocolate covered strawberries and he bought a fruit medly but got chocolate sauce on the side as a compromise to those of us who don't want to weigh as much as a large marine mammal.

I called my family to let them know about the fruit and they informed me that they aren't coming to my place for thanksgiving. I'm okay with that. My issue here is that they weren't going to tell me. They were just going to stay home that day and not call. Man what a bunch of white trash. I have no idea where I came from but I really feel like I've been raised by wolves. My mom gave me some backhanded reason why they weren't coming. They don't want to come to my house because we don't eat deep fried fat, whole milk and lard stuffed food.

After two seconds of thought I remarked that them not coming makes my life easier because we were actually going to make two dinners, one for people who aren't lardasses and one for the rest of us. Now, I only have to make the non-lardass foods and won't have to spend the day with them.

Fever

2009-11-11T20:06:00.002-05:00

Mandolin's been fighting a fever for a few days now. I've been struggling to make her drink, but she really hasn't had any food. She mostly lies around on the couch whining and muttering "mommy, ouch" over and over. my throat is starting to hurt, so by the time she's back at top speed, i'll be knocked on my butt with this bug.

"sorry for your terrible loss"

2009-11-04T00:53:00.002-05:00

i was sitting crying over my poor dead kitty, when my guy informed me that one of his kids at school died from cancer today. i felt so petty being sad over my cat after that. i won't be offering up anything beyond "sorry for your terrible loss" because like bert said, there's nothing to really say after that. i don't think parents (good one anyway) ever get over the deep fear that they'll have to bury a child someday. a few months back i took mandolin, my niece and my nephew on a hike in one of the cemeteries my house is i the middle of. my niece was facinated by the infant graves and kept asking me what the babies dies of and why there were so many of them. i could't tell her the first, but the second was easy. we live in a time and place where children are expected to live to be elderly, and when they don't, it's a large shock. I think we're blessed by this, but in another way we're not, because expecting a long life means we're not prepared when life is cut short in childhood. so today i am sad. i am sad because of my dead cat. i am sad that my guy has to go to a funeral for a child he'll miss. i am sad that family will miss that boy for the rest of their lives. i am sad thinking of that mother's pain and fear it could one day be my own. i am sad i don't feel guilty about this, because i grew up thinking that "good people" felt guilt. but i am happy too because my daughter is happy and healthy and gave me a hug and kiss when she saw me crying and said "momma, i mouve you. don't cry. smile."

reflections on loss

2009-11-03T15:00:00.003-05:00

it's 3 pm and i'm waiting for my guy to get home from work so we can take the cat to the vet, chances are very high that she won't be coming home with us. she's been pretty ill and is in a lot of pain and suffering. I can't take it anymore and am unsure of how she's managing to hold on as long as she has. You know, people say such stupid shit when someone's sad because of death all in the name of "making it better." i asked a friend to watch mandolin so that we could take the cat and her response to my heartache was "well, you have tubby, so you can't be too sad." that the same as telling someone who lost a child "well, you have other kids."

speaking of spanking

2009-10-28T22:36:00.002-04:00

Mandolin was caught shoplifting today. I was so embarrassed. I figured out that she was putting items inside the stroller before we left the store, so I didn't have to go back and pay for it, but she did sit one hellova consequence for it. I was sorely tempted to as my mom would say) "tear that ass up," but I refrained. I have no idea if my "we don't steal" talk worked, but I'm hoping it did.

I really understand why people spank

2009-10-27T23:14:00.007-04:00

I myself have felt the urge to spank. It's not that I'm against spanking or look down on it, but to me, it makes sense to explain why mandolin needs to follow rules and not just telling her to follow rules. Like most parents, my mom and dad had rules, and if we didn't listen, there was a consequence. More often than not, my mom and dad were spankers, and not just regular spankers but what i like to think of as "impulse beaters." Instead of cooling off and thinking before spanking, my mom would grab something and

beat until she was done beating. She never really left brusies and it didn't happen often, but i think each of us kids has a story of her breaking something while using it to beat us. Many of the rules my parents had were good rules to have, like going to bed early etc. What was really lacking in the punishment system at our house was any sort of cause and effect chit-chat, post beating follow up, or logical processing. Would it have been so hard to say "I love you, even if you did something wrong. You are not a bad person" after tearing our butts up?

My parents both worked a lot and often worked 15 or more hours a day sometimes 7 days a week. I don't blame them for not taking the time to say "if you do x, then y will happen because YOU did x. If you don't like y, then don't do x." I noticed that the main difference between kids in the AP and GT classes in high school and kids in the below level classes (at the two schools i have staff experience at) was a lifetime of "if you do x, then y happens" or "blank is the rule. blank is the rule because of blank. if you break blank, then blank consequence will happen." (Also, most kids are not taught to just take the consequence they earned and stfu.) Most of the kids i worked with were below grade level and while many had good parents, almost none of the parents took time to explain logic over and over especially when applied to rules and behavior expectations. I'm not sure if it was because no one ever explained it to the parents, or if it never occured to the parents that they actually need to talk to their kids and not just yell or talk at and then they have to keep syaing it over and over a million more times. I don't really blame the parents for the lack of knowledge because we're not taught to listen to others, process and then discuss. We're really just taught to hear and respond without much quality communication going on. Hot Tip: Just because your kid is in high school doesn't mean you're done. They make think they're adults, dress like adults, sort of look like adults and want to be adults, but they're not adults: you are.

Another Issue:

Many people operate under the misconception that saying something like "do it again and see what happens" means "don't do that." Some people do realize that the implied meaning is "don't do that." Some people are very literal and really think you're telling them to do it again and then get pissed when punished for doing it again. I had to take some crisis intervention training and one year someone who worked in hostage negotiation led the workshop (that's what we need at school!) and apparently the worst thing someone can say when held at gunpoint is "give me the gun" to someone in crisis, this means "hey, just shoot me." The correct thing to say is "put the gun down and kick it away from you." Sarcasm is a hard habit to break and i'm glad i only had a few tough spots with it.

When mandolin does something wrong i tell her it's wrong, i try to tell her why and then she gets a consequence (punishment). I mainly call it a "consequence" because i want to keep up with the cause and efect theme. For example, today a minor issue was over a mess

Me: "Mandolin, if oyu do not put that toy back, you're getting a consequence. you know big toys stay in your room."

Her: "No"

Me: "I am going to count to three and you need to put it back or you're going to sit in the chair"

Her: "I said no!"

Me: "Let's go to the chair. You have to sit there for two minutes without making a noise"

She started to fuss, but "the look" cut that out quick and she sat her two minutes with grace and put the toy back. usually saying "consequence" will make her get in line, even in public. I have no idea if this method will work for her long term though. so much of parenting is trying new things and praying. However, I like the fact that she hates sitting in her chair and will listen to me so she doesn't have to sit there.

Recently, I had a little meeting with all the people who watch her and explained the system to them. She's smart enough to realize that if she's not with me and she's bad, other people might not know the system. It was a big shock for her tonight when my best friend, her aunt V, made her sit in her chair. I had to have the meeting because the other day, when she was being punished, Mandolin said "I want daddy" and gave me this look that said "you're in trouble when he gets home." Poor thing doesn't realize that I make all the rules and daddy isn't going to save her.

Have you ever

2009-10-23T23:09:00.002-04:00

wanted to crawl throuh the phone and beat someone with your shoe because they piss you off while talking to them? Bert probably hasn't because he's too laid back for such emotions, but I know I'm not the only one around here who gets mad like that.

I haven't talked to my mom since last Feb/early March. We had a falling out about my daughter's disability and my insistance to get her treatment. Apparently getting my daughter treatment is a waste of resources and my mom resents it. I don't think I'll ever forgive her or trust her again after that fight. Anyway, even though I don't talk to her, she's still my mother and I care for her. Tonight I talked to one of my sisters and found out that my mother has been very ill and apparently they all thought I wouldn't care so no one called to tell me. The doctor told my mother that she'll probably die from the pneumonia and bronchittis she's had for over a month now if she doesn't a) quit her chain smoking and b) lose weight.

I dislike my mom's smoking, but i see it as not my business so i don't say anything. My sisters and dad have been ganging up on my mom to quit smoking because she's recently started to cough up bloody mucus. I asked about the weight loss suggestion and my older sister then lectured me about how being beyond morbidly obese has nothing to do with health. I pointed out that there are some pretty strong correlations with morbid obesity and poor health. My older sister then told me that my daughter would grow up to hate herself and hate me because i've taken steps to change my life and be a weight in the normal BMI range. I didn't see how in her mind these things correlate.

I lost it and started yelling at her. Being overweight or obese increses the risk of dying from asthma significantly. When I can't breathe, it's the worst feeling: everything hurts, the world stops and it's miserable and terrifying. The last time I had a bad attack, I watched my guy panic and my daughter cry because she was scared. If taking care of myself could prevent my daughter watching me die from asthma, then it's worth it. Moreover, losing weight and becoming stronger is preventing me from having an operation on my spine. The operation has several risks and might not even work. so again, if taking care of myself could prevent things from being worse, then it's worth it to me. My sister is way past morbidly obese and has always been very large, even when we were kids. genetics has a role to play, but so does lifestyle. I don't hold it against her that she's morbidly obese, that's her choice at this point in time. What I am angry about is her finding reasons to hate people who don't want to be morbidly obese and getting mad when people insist that there's such thing as a healthy weight. I will say what is a healthy weight for one person might not be healthy for someone else, that's why they give a range of numbers. My sister has problems walking up a flight of stairs. I asked her if she thought it was healthy to be unable to walk up stairs and she became very angry. At this point in time, I wanted to crawl through the phone and beat her with my shoe.

Bottom line is that some people are under weight, some people are in the range and other people are over the range. If people want to be in the normal range, they have to activly want to be in that range and work for it. having a weight that's considered "normal" might not prevent my death from asthma or keep my right arm from being paralyzed in the long run. But guess what? so far it's done a damn good job of helping me manage my asthma and for the first time in a long time, I was able to carry my daughter. I was devastated when I was unable to carry my daughter and just holding her caused me massive pain. Right now I can pick her up without my arm going numb and there's no threat of dropping her. For me, that's worth skipping out on things like pizza. When she implied that being healthy would cause hate between my daughter and i, i wanted to laugh. my mom didn't teach us to be healthy and she herself isn't healthy and look at our relationship. no one can predict the relationship i'll have with my daughter in 15 years. however, i think taking the time to teach her to be healthy and trying to keep myself healthy can only be good for our relationship in the future.

Big versus Small Packges

2009-10-19T00:45:00.004-04:00

So, today I got home from the store and set Mandolin up with some dinner and TV watching while I went out to get the groceries from the car. I have to take several small loads because i'm not even supposed to be lifting groceries anyway, but when you're the only one home, you gotta do it. I was on my way into the house with load #2 when I heard voices in the cemetery next to/behind my house. It was about 6ish so it was a little late for visiting. I looked up and this man had pulled over in the middle of the cemetery section next to my home, got out of his van and was peeing. What shocked me is that one hand was holding a cell phone and the other was scratching his head and he was wildly peeing all over the place. He had no control of the situation.

I paused and took a good look, because this asshole was practically in my yard letting it ALL hang out, so why not? His fly was only down about a inch and the poor man wasn't blessed in the penis size. I was so glad that I got Mandolin in the house before his jerk pulled up. I supressed the urge to call out a catcall as I went back for loads #3 and #4. It was hard to keep a straight face and I kept thinking of the picture of "clay" that went around the shelf several years back. You know, nothing says "I really miss grandpa" like pissing in the cemetery....

I also really felt bad for the person on the other end of the phone. another one of my biggest pet peeves are people who talk on the phone while going to the bathroom in a public place. I don't understand people who feel the need to not only talk about stuff while they're taking care of business, but while strangers are also taking care of business. it's just weird and gross.

While talking to a friend about this incident later, I remembered being flashed while in college. a guy came up to me and said "wanna see something?" I stupidly said "sure" and next thing I know this huge elephant sized penis was being waved in front of me. this guy's cock was so big he could have been in porn, and not the free stuff, the stuff people pay $20 for. His penis was so big i was afraid of walking funny later just being near it. He ofered me to touch it, but i declined in fear of VD. A few days later found out that this dude was rushing and his task was flash girls before he could earn his nickname of "big red." I think they should have called him "ouch."

Confession

2009-10-15T21:16:00.003-04:00

I often buy kids shoes for myself because they're cheaper than adult shoes and the fit is the same. These are the shoes I bought to wear in the pool at my water aerobics class. running in the pool was causing me to get blistered feet and I noticed that several of the other women just wore cheap canvass shoes instead of buying water shoes. I went to Target and got these for $8 in the girl's section and they work like a charm. I really like that there's nothing to tie because laces are a pain when wet.